by Bob Doman

Whether you have a gifted or typical child, a child with learning or attention issues or special needs, parents need to understand what their role is, and the role, if any, of schools.

More and more parents are realizing that the one size fits all education—just plug them in and let the chips fall where they may—just may not be doing the job for their children. Some parents are ready to explore the options and are looking for a long-term plan, while others want to help their children catch up or give them a boost so they can return them to school, but at the top of the heap.

This may be the time for a change.

Questions every parent should ask themselves:

Is parental involvement in a child’s development important?

Absolutely, and the more the parents are involved with their child’s development and education, the better. Parental involvement is the single greatest factor affecting a child’s development, education, and future.

Can parents be educators/teachers?

Parents are the child’s first, best, and most important educators/teachers. Who teaches children to understand and speak their language, a foreign language? Who teaches your children how to take care of themselves from feeding themselves to toilet training, to dressing, bathing, and grooming, etc.? Who teaches your child how to behave appropriately? Who teaches your children how to throw a ball, set the table, do the dishes, mow the lawn? Who teaches your children about family, respect, compassion, responsibility, faith, religion, and probably at least the basics of reading and math and more and more and more? The truth is that on graduation from high school, measuring what your child has learned as opposed to what they were “taught” and have forgotten, the odds are that what the children actually learned from involved parents significantly outweighs what the schools “taught.” Your child’s future as an adult is more a reflection of lessons learned from parents than schools. 

Who knows your whole child best?

Involved parents know their child the best and are the only people who know their whole child.

Do teachers, therapists, psychologists, and doctors know your whole child?

No, they temporarily deal with pieces of your child, not your whole child. How often have you had a new teacher or any other professional for that matter go out of their way to ask you, the experts, about your child?

Who needs to be in charge and steering the ship, those who only think they understand your child, looking at pieces, or parents who know their whole child?

Parents. Those dealing with pieces of your child never do or can understand your whole child.

Whose vision of the child should be directing the outcomes?

Parents, your child is your child. Those working with your child should be helping you fulfill your vision.

Have parents been largely encouraged to abdicate their roles to the professionals over the last 50 years?

Yes, the trend has been to let the professionals take charge. Parents are often perceived as irrelevant or even as interfering pieces of the equation.

Are the teachers, schools, psychologists, etc. responsible for your child’s education and future?

These folks will often tell parents that they, the experts, are responsible, and you need to trust their training, their vision, and that you and your child need to follow their direction. The system doesn’t grade the teachers, psychologists, and therapists based on how your child does, they grade your children. They, the professionals, don’t fail, your child does. While they are well meaning, their role is limited and transient. Transients working with pieces of your child are not responsible for your child’s future. If they fail in their job, your child won’t be living in their basement when they’re thirty.

Should schools be viewed as a tool in the parent’s toolbox that they can choose to use or not, and if so to what extent?

For many families today, school is an option, not a foregone conclusion. Some families do not have a choice, but for those who do, school needs to be perceived as optional—there if and when needed.

If you take your child out of school, how hard is it for them to return?

In most states if you decide to take your child out of school, you can do it tomorrow. Just let the school know that you are going with another plan. In a few states it is a tad more involved, but not much. And generally, to put them back in requires nothing more than contacting the school. For some children a placement test may be part of the process; but every child can attend public school when the parents choose, with the possible temporary exception of children who have been expelled. The bottom line is that it is rarely an issue to remove your child from school or to put them back in. 

Ultimately who is responsible for your child and their future?

You are!

Do children with learning and attention problems, with special needs or the gifted require schools to address their specific individual needs?

The reality is the educational system is not able to individualize and provide for “typical” children, let alone those with greater needs. Children in need of specific therapies need those therapies multiple times per day, not once or twice a week for 30 minutes. That is what the school can provide, not what the children need. At best schools can plug children into different levels of their curriculum or change the pace, but they do not and cannot create curriculums to fit individual children.

Is group/classroom, or set curriculum an efficient, effective way to educate?

Group/classroom instruction is a means to mass education but is by no means the best way to educate an individual. Individual targeted education is by far more efficient and effective, and the younger the child the more important it is. Two minutes of targeted 1:1 education for younger children or those with special needs can easily be more effective than an hour of group, set curriculum-based education.

Do children need to attend schools for their social development?

Social interaction in most schools occurs at minimally supervised times, such as recess, in the hallways and restrooms. If your child is not learning how to interact socially at home, they will often have social issues at school. And school provides a great opportunity for bullying, and the greater your child’s need for positive social interaction, the greater the targets they are for exclusion and bullying. There are many supervised social opportunities that exist outside the school setting that afford better opportunities for social engagement than school, including church groups, Scouts, 4H, community sports, and martial arts, not to mention family, extended family, and so on

What education can and should be: home-based education

Many parents who had previously just assumed that their children had been receiving a good, if not quality, educational opportunity are starting to pay attention. “Virtual” schooling gave many parents a better look into their child’s curriculum than ever before; and many were rather shocked at how inappropriate much of it was for their child and how far it was removed from fitting or targeting their child.

The reality is that mass education, schools, and set curriculums are not producing good or what should be considered acceptable results for most children, even if our children apparently are doing well. The United States in 2018 ranked 30^th in math, 8^th in reading, and 11^th in science internationally. So much for the myth that we have a great educational system. It is certainly nothing to brag about. And to maintain perspective, think about what countries might rank above the U.S. and how good their educational systems actually are.

Many families are beginning to really examine school as they now see it to be and are considering alternatives. At the same time many work and home situations have changed; and as a result, more and more parents are finding that they can work from home for at least part of the day, or that they can do fine on one salary,weighing a new car when the old one runs just fine against assuming a more active role in their child’s education and future. If one parent could be home educating the children, even if for part of the day, it opens alternatives that may not have been perceived before. We tend to forget what was, but to gain perspective, in 1967 49% of mothers were stay-at-home moms. That number dropped to 23% in 1999 and has climbed a bit, but is still only 29%.

Many parents see their options as perhaps more limited than they need to be. The options list often includes public school, charter schools, or private schools, which are often prohibitively expensive and not necessarily better than public schools. Or there are home-based online schools that just plug children into a curriculum and keep them attached to a screen all day. Or traditional homeschool that tends to take up most of the child’s and parent’s day and just replaces one packaged curriculum for another. Packaged curriculums that children are plugged into are the bane of education and disregard our children as unique individuals. They ignore neuroplasticity and the value of targeted input, the child’s interest in and relationship to the input, affecting the intensity of the input and the effect on the brain.

What most folks think of as homeschool is not at all what home-based education started out being or can be. Homeschool as most parents think of it is essentially recreating school at home. A ton of curriculum/”stuff” that no one really expects the child to learn, nothing targeted, nothing specific to the child, and like school, most likely to produce less than stellar results.

What’s the latest U.S. literacy rate?

There is one huge piece missing from school and many homeschool curriculums—the child. What is taught, when, and how should be based on the child, the child’s level of development, their processing ability (link to Processing article), the child’s level of academic function, the child’s interests, the understanding of the needs of the whole child, and the vision. The needs of the whole child go way beyond curriculum, including turning the child on to learning, making them readers, and learning to love learning, learning that they don’t need to be hand fed to learn (they can do it themselves), teaching the child how to think, be responsible, including owning chores, and how to take care of themselves from cooking to laundry. From how to earn, save, invest, and how to learn about and even engage in entrepreneurship, to having an adult rather than peers teach them about appropriate behavior, morality, faith, respect, values, family, etc. Providing them with an opportunity to develop strong processing, short-term and working memory, which translates into greater maturity, better executive function, and simply, being smarter; and to have the encouragement and flexibility to explore and develop their interests, talents, and passions.

Achieving our vision for our children requires much more than classes and grades, and if we understand the reality of the needs of our whole child, we understand the reality that the time and energy required by school or packaged curriculum does not leave the time and energy to put together the whole package, the whole child. Targeting academic education to fit the child is so efficient that the time needed to educate them per day is a fraction of what school or typical home school requires.

The parent’s job is to turn their children into happy, well adjusted, successful, contributing adults who have the tools to succeed at something they are passionate about. Giving birth is just the beginning; the job, the responsibility, and the privilege of parenting involves years of active participation.

Unfortunately, many parents do not start off with a vision. But all parents need a vision of what their child—this wonderful, unique new person—can be. Start with that vision, then actively work with your child, getting to know them and permitting them to learn and understand, and you can then together continue to develop the vision and bring it to fruition.

As someone once said, “Look where you’re going and go where you’re looking.” Take responsibility and take charge.

Reprinted by permission of The NACD Foundation, Volume 35 No.2, 2022 ©NACD

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The post Educational Options 2022 appeared first on NACD International | The National Association for Child Development.

Most of us have no idea what creatures of habit and patterns we are, nor how stuck we can be in these behavior patterns. I have three dogs that keep reminding me of what a creature of habit I am. If I’m watching TV in the evening and pick up the TV remote, my dogs notice; and if I turn off the TV, they all jump up ready to go. Which way they go is determined by the direction of my first step when I stand up. In the morning if I pick up my cup from the coffee machine and if I turn left, my dogs run down to my office. If I turn right, they go about their business because there are too many options as to what I might do. You probably put the same foot into your pant leg first most every day. The point is that we humans create hundreds of behavior patterns, most of which we are oblivious to.

When dealing with children, particularly children with developmental issues, the connection between the child and the parents and caregivers is amazing. This connection leads to each learning each other’s patterns. Patterns can become ruts, ruts that both parent and child can get stuck in.

One very common pattern or rut that creates problems involves what children will eat. In a very significant percentage of children who come to us, ranging from severely involved children to those who are gifted, a common problem is picky eaters. Back in the early ‘70s when we created a program specifically for children with autism, I worked with a teenage girl who had eaten no food other than apples for virtually her entire life. To compound the mystery of this child, she also had pica—she would put most anything in her mouth and eat it. This included everything from dirt to bugs and her dog’s feces from the yard, but not food. The issue with her eating a greater variety of foods was obviously not an issue with taste or smell, although this can be an issue for many children, particularly those on the spectrum. It was simply a matter of an established pattern, a habit. It should be noted that food cravings that come from eating a lot of some specific foods can also be a contributing issue. Kids are not simple.

In a previous article (Independence and the Developmentally Challenged Child) I discussed how important and vital independence is for the overall development of the child or young adult. The child’s and the parent’s patterns and habits often have a very negative impact on the development of independence.

An example of a common pattern that slows down the development of independence in many children is helping them dress themselves. Most parents who assist their child in dressing and undressing assist in virtually the exact same way every time, and the child participates, or does not participate, in exactly the same way. As an example: Mom approaches Johnny with a T-shirt. Johnny sees it and waits for Mom to put it over his head, at which point he lifts his arms and she helps put his arms in the sleeves. Then she pulls the shirt down. Every day they follow the same pattern. If Mom doesn’t do something to change her pattern, the odds are great that Johnny doesn’t either; and Johnny’s development of independence in dressing himself goes nowhere. Parents need to become acutely aware of the hundreds of such patterns, habits that have been created by them and their children, and consciously work to break them.

It’s helpful when trying to grasp the significance of patterns to see how differently children perform with different people and in different places. Children who work with their parents, caregivers, therapists, and teachers are often going to react and perform differently with each person, or in each place, because patterns and habits are created together and are often person and place specific. Each adult establishes a new pattern, and to some extent the physical space helps establish a new mental picture and a new pattern as well. Most children on the spectrum are strong visualizers, creating mental pictures and videos associated with many aspects of their lives. For these visualizers anything that changes their picture (or habit) can lead to them becoming upset, with the net result being that family members and caregivers avoid upsetting the apple cart and work hard to maintain and reinforce the habits.

One of the most devastating and pervasive problems associated with patterns negatively impacting many of our children with developmental issues is prompt dependency. Prompt dependence is actually taught through creating a patten by which the child is prompted, generally verbally through virtually every step of what they are being instructed to do. Some children, after years of such instruction, develop such a strong pattern that they will do almost nothing without a prompt, requiring someone to guide them through most everything they do, creating greater dependency and stifling independence.

Referring back to the picky eater problem, parents often discover that their child will eat foods at the grandparent’s house that they won’t eat at home, or in a restaurant, or even outside. This is because a new place helps change the pattern.

The teenage girl with autism I met had her eating problem largely resolved within the week she and her family spent with us. Guess what we did to fix it? Almost nothing. The child had spent her whole life at home, eating by herself in the same kitchen at the same table and given the same food—apples—because her family been convinced that she wouldn’t eat anything else, and had established a very strong behavior pattern. When the family flew across the county, stayed in a hotel and at our offices, and ate at restaurants together, they broke the pattern. My little suggestion was to not have any apples nor bring apples to the restaurant and to simply order her the same food the parents were eating and tell her they didn’t have apples. She ate the food and within the week established a new behavior pattern, which was to eat what the family ate.

Patterns and habits affect all of our lives to amazing degrees. Having healthy diets for most people means establishing a new behavior pattern or habit. Exercising regularly for most people requires establishing a new behavior pattern or habit. Many people realize how difficult it can be to break an old pattern and create a new one and realize it doesn’t just happen. You have to very consciously work to create that new behavior pattern; and the longer a pattern exists, the tougher it is to change it, whether it is a good or a bad habit.

Typically developing children are neurologically changing rapidly, and that neurological change pushes them to do new things; and in the process it tends to break many previously established patterns of behavior. Typical children and their parents can certainly fall victim to habits. But when you slow down the developmental process, life tends to become just a series of pattens that essentially rule the child and the family’s life and can significantly and often dramatically inhibit change, development, and expectations. These patterns can affect all areas of development and function. An example is children learning patterns of communication. If whining works to get attention, and Mom interprets that as the child wanting something and becomes trained to start offering the child options until the whining stops, then the odds are good that the child will maintain that pattern of communication even though they neurologically are ready to start verbally communicating. In a similar vein there are children who develop a functional vocabulary of only a few words, who may go years without expanding that vocabulary. It becomes their pattern, and if the expectation is that it’s all he or she can do, then it becomes the perception of what can be, and it is accepted. A child who has a vocabulary of three words is demonstrating that they have the cognitive ability and the oral motor ability to think in words and produce words, why not ten words or twenty words or a thousand words?

If a child lacks mobility, the ability to move either through crawling, creeping, or walking to get to something, and learns to simply lay on the floor and space out, cry for attention, or whine until someone brings something to them, then often these become patterns and the child has no perception that they could move to go somewhere or get something. These children may have the cognitive and physical pieces that would permit them to move, but they are stuck in a pattern.

Looking at pieces of the child in isolation makes it very difficult at best to determine what is a reflection of the child being stuck in a pattern vs. what can, could, and should be. The perception of what can be is then easily limited to what has been, and doors are closed not based on the innate potential of the child, but rather on what patterns have been and are in place.

If, however, we view the “whole child,” the gestalt of the child, we can then see what could be and what pieces need to be put together to break the habits or patterns and move forward.

For example, one vital piece of the “whole child” is cognitive function. If we have understanding, auditory sequential processing, that says the child mentally has the ability to use language functionally and put two or three words together, as well as adequate oral motor skills for speech, but they only use a few words, then we know we have a child who today could be speaking much more, if not for being stuck in a pattern. If, however, we have the cognition, but not the needed oral motor function, then we know we need to work on the oral motor function hard, as well as working behaviorally to create the internal need to communicate. Conversely, if the child has sufficient oral motor function, but not the cognitive function, then the primary focus becomes the cognition.

Looking at a child as their isolated pieces and not understanding their patterns and habits can produce misdirected efforts and priorities, and more often than not turn the focus toward alternatives that lead to poor, low, or limited expectations that can negatively impact the child’s ultimate potential.

Not understanding the “whole child” or the impact of patterns can lead to pursuit of poor alternatives. For the child with limited language, the alternative may be an augmentative communication device that for the vast majority of children fails. If full mobility is deemed to be improbable, then putting the necessary developmental pieces together gets scrapped, and the therapy gets directed toward a child who will spend the rest of their life in a wheelchair. Or a child with unresolved behavior issues ends up being medicated, rather than having his pieces put together and patterns broken.

Habits and patterns impact all of our lives. For our children with developmental problems, these habits and patterns, both theirs and ours, can have devastating consequences. Every child needs to be viewed through the lens of the “whole child” and seen as a creature of habit if we are going to begin to provide them with a real opportunity to realize their innate potential.

Lack of function needs not and should not be viewed as a prognosis or predictor of potential.

Reprinted by permission of The NACD Foundation, Volume 34 No.5, 2021 ©NACD

The post How Patterns of Behavior Affect Your Developmentally Challenged Child appeared first on NACD International | The National Association for Child Development.

In my last article I mentioned that working memory is another factor to consider when looking at anxiety in our children. Bob Doman, founder and director of NACD, has been at the forefront of understanding working memory and its impact on global function since the early ‘80s. It is a big deal. It is not just big, but huge, gargantuan, as it is the foundation that permits us to think. It not only permits us to think, but it also plays a role in our ability to regulate our emotions. Let’s spend some time on working memory, defining its role in our ability to handle stress.

Let’s first review how the brain works in a simple way. Information comes into the brain through our senses. If our sensory channels are functioning normally, the information gets perceived correctly, then it gets processed through our short-term memory. Our working memory is what allows us to think about this information along with taking information that we already know out of long-term memory. For example, if I am sitting in a class and I am listening to a lecture, I am taking in what that teacher says, hearing the information, processing what they are saying, and using my working memory to think about what I already know about that topic, how what they say impacts what I already know, what client comes to mind when I think of what the teacher is saying, etc. I am visualizing, conceptualizing, and developing an opinion or my own thoughts about that particular topic and how it may or may not benefit my work.

According to Bob Doman, “Working memory is the foundation for global neurological maturity and function. It essentially encompasses most of what we think of as ‘thinking.’”

“The NACD model of cognitive function recognizes various components of thinking and learning. Of all of these functions, working memory, including executive function, encompasses the areas that impact simple and complex behavior regulation and problem solving the most. The development of various parts of executive function appears to be a good indicator of future academic success, as well as future life success. Mathematics, reading, and critical thinking are all affected by how well various components of executive function develop and work. Not only do these neurological functions impact academics, but NACD and researchers also find that they impact social skills, job skills, and the skills needed for a child or adult to navigate daily life independently. Time management, time awareness, goal setting and planning, organizational skills, social awareness, financial planning, running a household, writing a research paper, writing a paragraph, and forming thoughts into conversation are all functions that depend on this higher cognitive level referred to as working memory and executive function.” (Doman, 2016)

So what does all this have to do with anxiety? When we think of our kids, anxiety can creep up when they have too much information coming in through their senses, but not enough short-term and working memory to manipulate the information. Have you ever seen a World History textbook? If you have a smart kid who wants to do well in school, but doesn’t have well developed short-term and working memory abilities, they are very likely to get anxious just looking at the book. The pieces that allow them to manage their time with material, organize their studying, and plan how to work through the material are not where they need to be in order for that child to be successful. Now if we have that same kid with five or six classes, with similar amounts of material, imagine how much more anxiety can develop.

Many of the anxious children on our caseload, who may be pre-adolescent age and are struggling with school to the point of shutting down, have poor working memory and conceptual thought. They simply don’t have the ability, YET, to be able to perhaps even process the information coming into their brain, let alone manipulate it and problem solve, think and reason through all that is being presented to them. Let’s also take into consideration what is happening with their bodies during this time frame. They become so overloaded they shut down. With our kids that have good short-term memory but poor working memory, rather than solve a problem that they are facing, sometimes these children may ruminate on the problem itself. Rumination is simply rehashing a problem in their head over and over without having the working memory that permits them to organize their thoughts and reach a conclusion, therefore creating increased anxiety. The more developed a person’s working memory is, the more likely they are able to solve and reason through their problems.

The more a child can reason, the less likely they are to get stressed and shut down. If we look at a neurotypical 3-4-year-old, they are just learning how to reason and problem solve. If they encounter something that is stressful to them, they don’t have the working memory to process the situation and are likely to dart or hide behind their mom versus using conceptual thought to reason as to how best to approach something. The same can be true for a child who is 12 years old but has the working memory of a 3-4-year-old. The same behavior happens, only it looks more problematic because it is an immature behavioral response for a child at that age.

We also have very bright individuals on our caseload who are also anxious because of their incessant need to be the best, to be perfect, to be the straight A student. When does academic pressure, measuring kids, too much testing, and narrow competition get recognized as potentially one of the greatest causes to mental health issues in our kids? Stay tuned to next month’s article.

Reprinted by permission of The NACD Foundation, Volume 32 No. 9, 2019 ©NACD

The post Anxiety in Our Children: The Impact of Anxiety on Working Memory appeared first on NACD International | The National Association for Child Development.

A lot of folks, particularly in the USA, have a hard time describing where in the world Romania is or are able to tell you much of anything about Romania (which unfortunately speaks to our educational system); but ask about Transylvania and everyone’s interest perks up and they conjure up visions of Dracula.

This last month I spent almost two weeks in the mountains of Transylvania with about 200 of our NACD family members from five different countries. We were practically under the shadow of Bran Castle, or what is widely known as Dracula’s castle.

This event was made possible through the efforts of many folks, but particularly little Tudor’s mom, Andreea Dumitru, and Teodora Pop, our NACD Romanian Coordinator.

Andreea’s efforts resulted in the advertising company Blitz TV sponsoring the event and arranging for free rooms and breakfasts for all of the families at the Cheile Gradistei Resort. Without this help many of the families would not have been able to participate.

There were two primary reasons for orchestrating the Transylvania Experience. The first was to provide a venue for an in-person evaluation for the children in the region, particularly Romania and Bulgaria, and the second was to provide an opportunity for the families to spend time together. To varying degrees families with children with developmental and genetic issues find it difficult to integrate their children into many, if not most, social situations. Getting to spend time with other families with similar issues who understand, permitting them to share support, encouragement, and to just be able to relax, accept, and socialize was a great unique experience. Sadly, Romania and the surrounding countries are often not very accepting of many of our children; so it was particularly important to hold this event in Romania.

Our Romania evaluation site, which includes many Bulgarian families, is certainly our most proactive NACD evaluation site, doing everything they can to support each other and to educate other families in their countries about the hope that NACD offers. Our families travel from around the country to participate and share their NACD experience at every possible event that they think might help another family learn about the hope for their children. They understand that NACD’s family-centered approach means that any family in any place in the world is only a call, an email, or a Skype visit away from their coach and evaluator on any day and that they can help their children irrespective of what may or may not exist in their area.

The feedback from the event from the families was outstanding, and everyone wants to repeat it next year, even with the understanding that we may not have funding assistance. At the families request, I have happily committed to coming back again next year (I didn’t have a chance to visit the castle on this trip, so I need another visit to Transylvania) and we will hopefully return to the same spot and show off and share the children’s progress and help generate some new memories to add to those we created this year.

Personally, it was a bit demanding. It took twenty-two hours to get there, arriving in the evening and starting the evaluations first thing the next morning; but it was truly a marvelous experience. These are incredible families! Being able to relax and interact with the families and share meals and a little down time outside of the evaluation process was extremely rewarding. Perhaps some of my greatest memories are of watching the children with issues and all of the typical siblings interacting together as naturally as if they had know each other forever. The typical siblings were amazing to watch. They instinctively knew how and when to help and how to communicate with or just be with a new special needs child they had just met minutes before. Speaking of communication, the majority of the parents spoke English and often an additional language or two, as did the children. I loved all the “Hi Bob”s I heard from so many of the kids who were just learning to talk as they walked in for their evaluations.

We have some hope that other NACD evaluation sites and groups around the country and the world will come together and do more to help build their regional community of NACD families.

Lesson to be learned: We do better as part of a community that shares a common approach, common ambitions, and a belief that the primary responsibility for our children and the best people to help our children are we, the parents. We can make a difference and change the lives and futures of our children.

As always it is an honor and a privilege to be involved with such incredible families and children.

For more photos and a daily journal of Bob’s trip, please visit our Facebook page!

Testimonials from our Romania Attendees

TEODORA POP

I also wanted to write a few words about this experience, but it is so hard to write about everything in a couple of phrases.

For me it was an amazing and different and new experience, even though I am with NACD for 2 years and a half now and I´ve been before to Bucharest to help Bob with translations. This time I also took part in the organisation of the event and it was amazing. Meeting families for the first time, seeing other again and listening to everyone´s story, sharing opinions and advises and being there with Bob during the eval was a HUGE learning experience for me. I am confident that my decision to stay in Romania and dedicate myself to this cause and to the NACD families in Romania was the correct and the best one! I am honored and humbled working with the NACD staff and with all of you here in the Romanian evaluation site!!!

IOANA GRECU

The experience in Cheile Gradistei was beautiful and full of emotions. We waited eagerly for this moment. We couldn’t wait to meet Bob Doman, and the impression of him is a great one. We feel that he is a very good person and very involved in what he is doing. The kindness with which he is looking at the children makes you trust that what he is saying is good for the little ones. The parents are great, full of hope and positive. We left the place trusting in the NACD program and trusting in ourselves as a family that we took the best decision when we joined the program. The landscape helped us to relax and to spend some family quality time. Even though we had to leave earlier than scheduled, the presence of the other kids and parents made the days feel very short and filled with great moments. Thank you for everything!

IOANA RASPOPA

I need to say that we are grateful for a great weekend. Yes it was beautiful, but meeting with Bob (this time Matei was OK and awake comparing to last year) was a huge reinforcement for us. We also got really useful information from Teo and from other parents that gave us courage to push for more changes for Matei.

RALUCA BUSUIOC

You know what the experience at Cheile Gradistei makes me think at? We are thought that from the 3: frequency, intensity and duration, the most important is the intensity. So this experience was not as much duration as is was high intensity! Exactly like in the NACD activities: high intensity, so that you will want more!!! So that it will be forever in your mind and in your heart!

FELICIA TUSLUC

It was a great experience, both because of meeting people with which we share the same vision of recovery and of the joy in our children’s eyes enjoying the fresh air with us and other children like them. Meeting Bob face to face again revived our hope and trust in the complexity of the program and in our capacity to obtain great results.

PAULA SERBAN

For me this experience was revealing! I saw my child with different eyes and my soul was filled with hope. Meeting the other parents was as important, feeling their support and full understanding. To be able to talk with people that totally understand was something that I wished for for a long time. Besides the NACD family it is very difficult to find so much understanding and good advice. Now I feel that I have recharged ‘my batteries’ and we can keep going with so much hope. Thank you so much NACD!

RALUCA MANEA

It was wonderful seeing Bob again and getting to meet old friends that we have known merely in the on line. The children had a great time and loved to make new friends. It was a great time of connecting and reconnecting.

ALEXANDRA ANGHELINA

For us it was a first on multiple levels. Our first evaluation, first time meeting Bob Doman, first contact with a community of this type, first time seeing how a program looks like. So far we are loving everything that we discovered. We start this road filled with trust and extremely motivated to learn how to implement the program correctly.
The experience of meeting other NACD families was a great and interesting one. I can only bow in front of all this people that I got the chance to meet. They are an example worth following.

Thank you so much for this experience. And we cannot wait to see you all next year!

ANGELA HLATCA

For us, the Hlatca family, this year evaluation was another reason for hope and joy: after one year of vacation we finally were able to start the program again. We were happy to see Mr. Bob Doman again and he encouraged us and gave us new hopes for Tudor. This year´s location was a very beautiful one and we felt great there. The evenings were the best, having the opportunity to meet new NACD families and spend time together, to share experiences and to enjoy our beautiful children with which we played a lot. Mr. Bob Doman spent some time with us in the evenings and he is such a warm and very friendly person. A big thank you also for those who organised this very successful event!

Reprinted by permission NACD Newsletter, July 2019 ©NACD

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Perhaps the only thing that feels better for us at NACD than having parents who really get it is seeing the results of them having gotten it.

It’s an incredible honor and privilege to be in a position to help change lives, and it’s so much fun and very fulfilling when we can see the results. You are about to read a mother’s story, sharing about the things she implemented and about being able to enjoy the fruits of her labor. You will be reading about Aidia Brennan, who is on her way to realizing her dreams. In Aidia’s case her dreams largely revolved around her love of singing. As I look at how Aidia is proceeding on her journey and reaching toward her dreams, it reminds me of one of my other “kids,” Jennifer Lindsay.

You might want to read about Jennifer, another one of our home-educated NACD kids, see where she started, and hear her inspiring story. I am delighted to report on where she is today. Jennifer had a really rough beginning, but she developed many talents and created many opportunities for herself, from her work creating the new generation of GPS systems, to her concert violin, to her singing. Jennifer ultimately decided that her real passion was singing opera, and as she has done throughout her life, she applied her superior processing power, focus, will, and the power and influence of her wonderful parents, and has excelled in her chosen vocation. I’m am very happy and proud to announce that Jennifer Lindsay has signed a contract with the Metropolitan Opera Company and will be performing in their upcoming production of the George Gershwin opera Porgy and Bess. I’m sure she will wow the audience, as she has during her performances around the country. Congratulations, Jen! My goal for our children is to help parents put together the pieces so that their children can function well—very well—but also to provide the children with the opportunity to discover their talents and passions and provide the means for their successful pursuit.

Just yesterday I did a Skype evaluation with Aliya, Aidia’s younger sister, who is doing great as a teen and is herself developing her neuro-developmental, educational, and personal pieces and is exploring and discovering her own talents and passions. Fortunately, Aidia was home in Canada for spring break from her college in England, and I had an opportunity to speak with her and catch up a bit.

Speaking with Aidia was a real delight; she is an amazing, mature, well-spoken, confident, respectful, and lovely young lady. Oh, and very talented as well! She really is the epitome of what we would all hope to see in our children as they pursue their goals and aspirations.

Liana and Gary Brennan, proud parents of Aidia and Aliya, congratulations!

Go team Brennan!

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NACD Instilling Independence
by Liana Brennan

NACD has been in our lives for years and in the past, I’ve said that our lives and children’s lives would be quite different without NACD! I appreciate the significance that NACD places on addressing the whole child and the child within the family. Our youngest daughter, Aliya, was first on the program when she was 4 years old and later, we brought our eldest daughter, Aidia, home from the public school and began a program with her in the sixth grade. We continued program and home educating Aidia until her graduation last May. Our NACD journey has been long and we’ve had some trying years but when the successes are achieved it makes it all worth it!

We are part of a large homeschool community with the same activities and opportunities afforded to them as the public schools. Our girls are able to participate in sports activities, yearbook committees, father-daughter dances, prom, and graduation. It is a large formal graduation and Aidia was selected to address the graduating class! One of the major points of her speech was to seize opportunities as they present themselves, embrace the unknown and break out of comfort zones. At this point she was already following her own advice. During her junior year, she began the university decision process and expressed her desire to study overseas.

This from a girl that dislikes change but realizes that in order to grow and succeed change is inevitable.

As parents it’s our responsibility and mission to raise children that are self-sufficient that will make a positive impact on society. As we sent off Aidia to university in England we prayed that we had equipped her with the needed life skills to thrive, not just survive. Thankfully she has adjusted well as she is living her dream! Technology has made it very easy for us to connect daily, either through FaceTime or text. Recently during one of our FaceTime sessions, Aidia thanked me for being strict and having her complete chores! I snickered because her interpretation of strict differs greatly from mine. I also wished I had a tape recorder handy to preserve her comment. Apparently, most of the other students are not self-sufficient which is causing them a multitude of stressors and health issues on top of the rigors of university. In November she shared that most the students had already depleted their student loan funds that were to sustain them through December. Huge contributing factors are the inability to cook or prepare meals, laundry and manage their personal finances. There are no meal plans in the United Kingdom like there are at most American Universities. They were eating out most nights and then with the realization that their funds were dwindling they begin to eat inexpensive fast food that was not sustaining them and they were falling ill. Aidia was cooking one night for one of the girls in an attempt to teach her some cooking skills. Aidia asked if her parents had not been interested or willing to teach her how to cook. The student shared her mother had attempted but she was more absorbed with her phone and her mother would get frustrated and end up preparing the whole meal. Aidia’s reply, “yeah, that wouldn’t fly in our home.” Aidia has the title of “mom” as she’s the one they turn to for life skills advice. Most days when we are on FaceTime there is a knock at her door with someone needing some assistance or advice.

During one of our FaceTime sessions Aidia said that she thought she would miss us more than she did and as I was recovering from her comment and from having the wind knocked out of me, thankfully she elaborated. She stated that she did miss us because we have fun; we enjoy each other’s company and our family game nights. A majority of the other students were homesick but not because they missed spending time with the family but for what their parents could and would do for them which is very sad.

We began instilling life skills and independence at a young age. When the girls were quite young, I designated two lower cabinets in the kitchen for plastic bowls, plates, cups and wooden tongs. Plus, all the snack and breakfast items that they could prepare themselves. I also kept a low stool in the kitchen to assist them in reaching the sink. I stored homemade granola in a small container with a flip-top lid and a scoop. It was much easier to handle than a large container. I kept the dairy-free milk and in a small container on the lower shelf in the refrigerator. This way they could prepare their breakfast themselves by placing a couple of scoops of granola in a bowl, wash up some blueberries and top it off with dairy-free milk. Using smaller containers made it easier to handle and if there was an “accident” there was a lot less clean up. I also placed items in the fridge on the lower shelves. To protect them from burns I purchased wooden tongs to use if they toasted some gluten-free bread. They were so happy they could make themselves breakfast and snacks and it promoted independence and confidence.

Both girls had “chores” on their programs. During an evaluation early on, Bob reviewed our chore chart and stated that their chores were a little “light” and we needed to increase their responsibility. I was excited that I had Bob’s encouragement to ramp up their chores. As they matured, we required more from them. It takes patience and a little extra time but the payoff is worth it. We have lots of memories and laughs as we recall eggs rolling off the counter (which happened more than once), or too much of an ingredient like salt or a spice as a recipe was miss read or the ingredient came out too fast, or an omission of an ingredient altogether! Some things that we included on their chore charts as they matured was preparing the family meal twice a week – planning – cooking and clean up, loading and unloading dishwasher, being responsible for their own laundry, feeding, walking and cleaning up after the dog, making their bed daily and maintaining their own room, cleaning bathrooms, dusting and vacuuming to name a few.

Their chores were their own responsibility and they needed to own them, and I did not want to hound or remind them daily. To remove myself from monitoring their chores I placed a chore chart for each girl in an acetate sleeve. Each chart was pushed pinned to a cork board on the kitchen wall with a dry erase marker (washable dry erase marker when younger). They passed the charts daily and it was up to them to check off the chores that were complete. They walked by the chart every time they entered and exited the kitchen so there was visual of what was complete and what still outstanding. If the chores were not complete there were consequences. At the beginning of the next week the acetate was wiped down and the new week began. This system worked wonderfully.

Aidia recently displayed her independence and willingness to jump all over the fear of the unknown and submit for a wonderful opportunity that produced a once in a lifetime experience! Aidia is pursuing a BA honors degree in Musical Theatre and has been inspired by Ramin Karimloo, a Musical Theatre performer, since she was eleven. Ramin has been performing on Broadway and West End for years and has portrayed Phantom in Phantom of the Opera, Jean Val Jean in Les Misérables and Anastasia to name a few. In July, he announced his UK tour. When not performing on Broadway or West End he travels with his band and performs songs from his musicals and other songs that he puts his own “spin” on. Aidia was so excited to hear that Ramin would be performing in Shrewsbury, England where is attending University! Right then and there she purchased a ticket. It didn’t concern her that she would be attending on her own, she was ecstatic that she would see him live! Unfortunately, she has not had the opportunity to see him perform live so this was a fantastic opportunity.

Aidia follows Ramin on social media and on Christmas day he posted that he would like to showcase local talent at the venues on his tour and if interested, and local to the venue, to submit media showcasing their talent. Aidia jumped on the opportunity and Christmas night she sent in various videos of her singing and playing guitar. When she headed back to Shrewsbury after Christmas early on the Jan 3^rd Aidia had not had a response so assumed she wasn’t selected. Upon landing on one of her layovers she checked her email and there was a personal email from Ramin informing her she was selected to open for him! We were so thrilled and excited for her! Ramin even introduced her!! Not many folks are able to say that they have met their inspiration let alone open for them! We were so proud of her and her performance.

Another way that NACD has impacted Aidia’s life is through the Simply Smarter program. Recently an industry leader came in to do a workshop with the students. One of the activities was a series of patterns. I may not have the activity exactly correct but the idea was that they were to stand in a circle and each student had a series of tasks to do simultaneously with the other students. They were to pass a ball to a certain student, speak a word or phrase, then walk to another student to pass the ball, speak another word and continue this pattern while everyone else was doing their own pattern. It was apparently quite chaotic and yet Aidia was able to remember her pattern and in some cases had to retrieve the ball from the student she was receiving it from because they were confused or forgot the pattern. At the end of the session the instructor inquired if Aidia had done this activity before because he had never had anyone complete the pattern successfully before and assumed she must be familiar with the activity. When she stated she had not he was amazed that she had managed to remember the patterns. Her response, “NACD’s Simply Smarter!” This was a great example of how higher processing can build memory assisting in academic and career growth. Aidia is often required to learn songs and dances in short periods of time. Higher processing will be a huge asset in her chosen field.

Through the years many of our days have been long and exhausting. On some of these days it would have been easy to allow the chores to slip, to address the laundry and cooking ourselves in order to shorten our day but at what expense? I can remember a particularly exhausting day when Aliya had pushed back and been defiant and argumentative. It was dinnertime and we had just completed program. Her father had just arrived home as Aliya began her chores. She proceeded to Swiffer the living room and saw her Dad on the sofa and stated, “I don’t know why I have to sweep when Dad is over there having the time of his life.” As you can imagine after a long day that remark just about sent me over the edge. After reprimanding her for her comment I explained that her situation was a result of the choices she made during the day, which meant she was now having to complete chores well into the evening. Thankfully these days are a thing of the past, but had we not persevered we would still be living these days. Currently, Aliya accomplishes her chores without complaint and enjoys meal preparation.

We recently relocated internationally and Aliya has adjusted well. She experienced some anxiety but with the tools she learned through NACD she has settled in fine. Aliya is meeting new people and is playing drums for her youth band at church. The church recently had a big event in which she played for the evening and afterward families sought her out to tell her what a great job she did and that they loved that she was a female drummer. She continues to take lessons and is progressing well. I believe that Simply Smarter has been a contributing factor to her progress.

We are so thankful to NACD and their desire to provide us with the instruction to allow our children to reach their full potential. As parents, we must be willing to let our children experience life but equip them with the tools to be independent and successful so they may pursue their dreams without any additional stressors.

Reprinted by permission of The NACD Foundation, Volume 32 No. 4, 2019 ©NACD

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I know a boy. He is a very smart, fun, engaging boy. From the outside you would think this kid has lots of friends, is very social, the class clown, etc. But at home just calling a friend to go do something is a very big feat. The act of calling a friend, or even texting them, to go do something creates stress. He is so afraid of being turned down that he would just rather avoid the task, even if that means not going to a movie or going to do something fun with a friend. I noticed this about three years ago when I knew in my heart he wanted to go sledding with someone, not just his baby sister. However, he literally cried hysterically about having to call his friend. I persisted (debating in my head whether or not this was right—knowing that “Mother of the Year” was not an award I was going to win). He finally called his friend, who said yes, and they went sledding together and had a blast. He had a smile from ear to ear. Did the act of calling the friend create a lot of anxiety? Yes! But as his mother, pushing him out of his comfort zone was needed in order for him to understand that he had friends who actually wanted to be with him. Can you relate? Is it easier to just let our kids avoid things that in their eyes are hard to do, whether it be doing a chore, doing a reading assignment, or even learning how to brush their own teeth? Yes. Is it easier to let our kids avoid doing school work or avoid going to dance class or avoid going to Scouts because it is out of their comfort zone, or even worse– having to deal with an absolute tantrum or fight so we let them win? Absolutely. But when does letting avoidance patterns work become too harmful for them? Are we teaching them anything here? If avoidance behavior is a hallmark for anxiety, how can we as parents assist our children in addressing stressful situations so that they can persevere through life’s challenges?

What Is Avoidance Behavior?

Avoidance behavior is when a child sidesteps a person, place, task, or situation that makes them feel anxious or uncomfortable. In the moment it brings relief, so the brain learns to repeat it. Over time that relief becomes a habit, and the list of things a child avoids tends to grow rather than shrink. Recognizing avoidance early gives parents the best chance to help a child face challenges in a calm, successful way.

Common Signs of Avoidance Behavior in Children

Avoidance can look different from one child to the next. Some common signs include:

• Refusing or stalling on tasks that feel hard, such as homework, chores, or getting dressed
• Big emotional reactions (tears, tantrums, or shutting down) when asked to try something new
• Making excuses to skip social situations like calling a friend, going to class, or joining an activity
• Complaints of stomachaches or headaches before a feared event
• Sticking only to activities that feel safe and familiar

Spotting these patterns is the first step toward helping your child move through them.

According to Dr. Alice Boyes, Ph.D. (2013), avoidance coping (behavior) is the most important factor in anxiety and causes it to snowball. She believes that people avoid situations that may cause some of the feelings you get when you are stressed; however, if you keep avoiding those situations, this can lead to more debilitating anxiety levels. It is important to understand that all people experience stress. It is not uncommon for the human brain to engage in the process of fight or flight when it is introduced to something stressful. “While avoidance behaviors might give kids some immediate symptom relief, they don’t help them learn to cope with their triggers. In fact, the fears actually have a tendency to snowball when kids engage in avoidance behaviors” (Hurley, 2016).

It is also very important to understand that each child and brain is unique and what stresses one kid out may not the next. NACD has experienced that how we react to our children and how we provide them with the right instruction in the correct manner, along with building the neurodevelopmental pieces, allows our children to handle stress much more easily. In an upcoming article, I will discuss the significance working memory plays in handling stress and anxiety. But for now, I would suggest to parents that you try to sit back and look at your children and evaluate their behavior patterns. Do they avoid? Do they freak out when they need to do something that is within their ability to do? How do you react? If it is something that may be difficult in their eyes, we encourage parents to break down the task into smaller parts or have them do a particular task for a set amount of time that allows them to be successful, then gradually increase the duration. When you are wanting to teach something to your child, it is important that you have a calm, confident, and positive demeanor. When teaching your anxious child to ride their bike, for example, letting them know that they can do it and that you are with them and that you know that this is something that they can do is significant. How you talk to them, your demeanor, matters. Setting a timer then stopping and doing it again with frequency (not once a week but several times a day) can help decrease their anxiety and build up their confidence to do the skill. With some children, video modeling of a certain scenario can be effective. For example, if going to the dentist causes your child a lot of anxiety, making a video of going to the dentist so that the child can get a positive image in their minds of that experience can help decrease that fear. This is a common example of exposure therapy that has been used to address anxiety for many years. Avoidance behavior patterns can start at a very early age. If they aren’t addressed early, the behavior patterns can become stronger and generalize into all areas of a child’s life—to a point where they shut down completely. That is why it is important to be mindful of them and help your child face their fears in a successful way.

Is your child confident? In our experience, one reason kids can struggle with avoidance behavior, which can lead to anxiety, is that they are too afraid to fail—and parents don’t let them. Failure is a part of growing up. It is a part of learning. When I was younger, I remember ruining a bunch of whites in a load of laundry because I had a red sock in the mix. I didn’t pay attention when sorting and that was the consequence. I failed with that particular load of laundry. Did the sky cave in? No. Did my mom ground me for a month? No. Did I learn a valuable lesson in how do to the laundry? Yes. My mom didn’t take over that job. She just said to pay better attention, and I had to go without those white shirts that I ruined. In order to help our children become confident, developing independence with daily living skills, including self-help and chores, is very important. A very common scenario—a kid attempts to pour their juice, it spills, and the parent cleans it up and doesn’t let them do it again because it makes a mess. Another kid isn’t allowed to load the dishwasher for fear that he may break something. Parents, caregivers, teachers of young ones, do not be a roadblock for your child’s independence. Independence brings so much to their global mental health and function. Develop it, build it, help them realize that failure happens and that it is ok. These things, no matter what age or developmental issues your child may have, are huge for addressing or preventing avoidance behavior and anxiety later on.

Bob Doman (2013), founder and director of NACD, wrote a blog post several years ago about Herculean tasks:

“One of the great opportunities our children can have and lessons they can learn is to be presented with and accomplish Herculean tasks. Herculean tasks help your children learn what they can do if they really try. They teach them to look at a task that they think is impossible and to learn that they can really do it. As parents you should be on the alert for tasks that appear to be Herculean. The ideal Herculean tasks are those that look huge and to the child seem impossible, but which are doable, although they may take a whole lot of time and effort. The child who is used to 5-minute chores might perceive shoveling a driveway covered in a foot of snow, a yard covered in leaves to rake, an entire vegetable garden to weed, a stack of logs to move, or washing all the windows in the house all as Herculean/impossible tasks. But they are not impossible; they are possible if they try. Completion of Herculean tasks provides children with an opportunity to redefine themselves, to change their perception of what is possible, and to learn that if they try, they can in fact do it. The child who learns they can do Herculean tasks will continue raising the bar on their perception of what they can do and will learn to attack new tasks with the intention of succeeding–not just trying, not just making an effort, not just going through the motions, but having the intention of accomplishing the task. The child who learns they can do Herculean tasks won’t shut down when presented with the task of writing a twenty-page report, reading a 500-page book, learning all of the bones in the body, or pushing to take another tenth of a second off their 100-yard dash.”

A Neurodevelopmental Look at Anxiety and Avoidance

At NACD we look at the whole child. Avoidance behavior rarely stands alone. It often connects to how a child processes information, holds instructions in working memory, or manages sensory input. When we strengthen those underlying pieces, facing a hard task becomes less overwhelming, and avoidance has less room to take hold. This is why two children with the same fear may need very different support. Families navigating ADD/ADHD, the autism spectrum, or everyday anxiety all benefit from a plan built around their own child.

If you would like individualized help, join our free Get Started program and NACD will help you build a plan tailored to your child.

In conclusion, NACD understands that being a parent takes hard work. Being a parent of a child who is anxious requires patience and positive persistence and understanding! It is important to understand what avoidance behavior is and how to address it with your own unique child. We also understand that there are many contributors to a child’s avoidance behavior and to varying degrees. NACD believes in looking at “whole” kids. The more individualized we can be with understanding a child’s behavior patterns, the more confident parents can feel in how to help their child. Helping our children become more independent can also increase their self-esteem, helping them to become more confident individuals. In my next article, I will discuss another significant piece to understanding anxiety—working memory. Stay tuned!

References

• Boyes, A., Ph.D. (2013, March 5). Why Avoidance Coping is the Most Important Factor in Anxiety. Retrieved April 5, 2019, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/in-practice/201303/why-avoidance-coping-is-the-most-important-factor-in-anxiety
• Doman, R. J. (2013, February 01). Waiting for Hercules. Retrieved April 8, 2019, from https://blog.nacd.org/2013/01/waiting-for-hercules/
• Hurley, K., LCSW. (2016, February 3). How to Help Your Anxious Kid Avoid Avoidance Behaviors. Retrieved April 5, 2019, from http://practicalkatie.com/2016/02/03/how-to-help-your-anxious-kid-avoid-avoidance-behaviors/

Frequently Asked Questions

The post Anxiety in our Children: The Role of Avoidance Behavior appeared first on NACD International | The National Association for Child Development.

We have all heard it a thousand times: eating better, sleeping better, getting physical exercise helps our overall health. While this is something that our NACD families in general are very conscious about with their children with developmental issues, it is not uncommon to hear that those rules don’t really apply to everyone in the family. Let’s face it, it is easier to be more lenient on our neurotypical kids or ourselves, but does that help everyone in the long run? It is important to really get serious across the board about our overall physical health in the family, as that impacts our mental health significantly.

Sleep is such an important part of one’s life. According to the National Sleep Foundation, children ages 6-13 years old need 9-11 hours of sleep each night to be at their best. Teenagers ages 14-17 need 8-10 hours of sleep to be at their best, and adults should have between 7-9 hours of sleep per night. This is good, quality sleep! Not being in bed on your smartphone scrolling, but actually ASLEEP! Unfortunately for most teens, their biological clocks shift during that stage, where they tend to have more energy at night, increasing the desire to stay up later and sleep in longer. If your children are like mine, they start school at 7:20. They are up and out of the house before 7am. This can leave them already sleep deprived as they aren’t always ready to fall asleep by 10pm the night before. A study from the British Medical Journal in 2015 researched the effects of screen time and lack of sleep in a substantial sample of adolescents, over 9000. They found that the more screen time the subjects engaged in each day, the longer it took for them to fall asleep. If they had four or more hours of screen time per day, they were 360% more likely to have less than five hours of sleep a night and 49% more likely to take over an hour to fall asleep (Hysing, M. et al, 2015). When our brains are tired, mental health issues such as depression and anxiety increase. We are not able to think as clearly and have more difficulty handling stress than when in a rested state. NACD recommends consistent nighttime bed routines starting when children are little, such as no screens in the bedrooms, and devices are to stay with parents. We suggest having at least an hour to an hour and a half of no screens prior going to bed. We also encourage very dark rooms (blackout shades or curtains) and white noise to help facilitate a good night’s rest.

I hear many times “my kid has a balanced diet; they eat some of everything every day.” But how much of those foods happen to be processed? Have extra or hidden sugars? Artificial ingredients? More and more research on the foods we eat are targeting how they impact our mental health. “In recent years, a direct relation between the occurrence of anxiety disorders, sleep disturbances, and mood disorders has been observed as a consequence of poor or inadequate diet. Eating habits in Western societies have greatly changed in recent decades, with an increase in the consumption of foods low in vitamin and mineral content, high in caloric value, and rapidly prepared and easily consumed.” (Fernandez-Rodriguez, M., et al., 2017) There is a direct interrelationship between physiological health and neurological function. NACD has known this since its inception in the ‘70s. Time and time again our clients have shown that those who eat better function better. In general, diets rich in plant based foods, healthy fats (in the form of plants, nuts, seeds, and fatty fish like salmon), and lean meats are far superior in promoting mental function. In contrast, diets high in sugar, dairy, breads, and processed foods have been shown to be related to depression, chronic inflammation, and anxiety. This isn’t just for adults! According to Natalie Kling, a Certified Clinical Nutritionist from NACD’s Professional Advisory Committee, “the human body is always moving towards homeostasis, or perfect balance. When a body is out of balance, we see or experience symptoms (physical AND mental). We can soothe symptoms by giving the body the interior environment it needs to return to balance. Rest, hydration, oxygen, nutrients, detoxification, and a healthy and loving environment provide the ingredients the body needs to repair, regenerate, and reorganize. In contrast, when we introduce processed foods, sugar, not enough sleep, chemicals, environmental toxins, or stress, we push the body out of balance and create obstacles to the body’s ability to thrive.”

Personally, I have noticed a great difference in my son’s “teenager attitude” when he doesn’t eat these foods. When his diet is clean, whole food based, there is a positive difference. Often times I see parents eating healthy, but their kids are eating foods loaded with sugar and the “bad stuff” because “they’re kids.” NACD suggests to parents to develop a palate for healthy food with their children in infancy. NACD recommends to our families to work with one of our nutritionists if you need help in getting started. Natalie Kling, who also happens to be an NACD mom, has suggested that parents can start by just focusing on getting more vegetables into your kids. Smoothies (without added sugars and dairy), homemade sauces, etc., are ways to start that process. If you are a new parent with young children, keep their diets high in plant-based foods so that they develop a taste for it. If you are a parent with a picky eater, they don’t have to be. By giving the brain and body the correct fuel it needs, this can help to improve your child’s physical AND mental health as well.

Many children and adults struggle with anxiety due to lack of physical exercise. If we sit back and look at our lives today, we lead more sedentary lifestyles. We watch our TVs, screens, sit and scroll through our phones, many of us work all day at a desk, and many of our children are in school for 6+ hours (sitting for a huge chunk of that), many without daily physical exercise. According to the US Department of Health and Human Services (2018), children ages 3-5 years of age should engage in at least 3 hours of physical activity with varying degrees of intensity. Children ages 6-17 should engage in moderate to vigorous physical activity (aerobic, muscle, and bone strengthening) for 60 minutes DAILY. Adults should have a similar amount. Do you get that? Do your children? Exercise stimulates endorphins in your brain that allow for improved executive function, attention, and mood. Essentially, it allows you to handle stress better and not let it handle you. NACD recommends families make an effort to include physical exercise as part of your day. Schedule it in. In fact, on some of our programs we will write screen time = chore time = exercise time. For my children, the screens, homework, and chores don’t happen after school until physical exercise does. It might be going to the gym or doing an online video. Sometimes it is going for a run or even a fast walk. Snow or sun, we make it a priority.

In conclusion, it is important that as parents we really understand how significant lack of sleep, poor diets, and lack of physical exercise impacts our children’s physical and mental health. They work together, impacting one another. NACD looks at the whole child and sees this as a huge piece to impacting the global mental function of a child.

Reprinted by permission of The NACD Foundation, Volume 32 No. 1, 2019 ©NACD

References

Fernández-Rodríguez, M., Rodríguez-Legorburu, I., & López-Ibor Alcocer, M. I. (2017). Nutritional supplements in anxiety disorder. Actas Espanolas De Psiquiatria, 45(Supplement), 1.

Hysing, M., Pallesen, S., Stormark, K. M., Jakobsen, R., Lundervold, A. J., & Sivertsen, B. (2015). Sleep and use of electronic devices in adolescence: Results from a large population-based study. BMJ Open, 5(1), e006748-e006748. doi:10.1136/bmjopen-2014-006748

How Much Sleep Do We Really Need? (2019). Retrieved February 5, 2019, from https://www.sleepfoundation.org/excessive-sleepiness/support/how-much-sleep-do-we-really-need

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Physical Activity Guidelines for Americans, 2nd edition. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services; 2018.

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On January 26th I was given the honor of providing the keynote address for the Winter Home School Conference in Layton, Utah. The conference was a great success with a couple thousand in attendance.

As I was preparing for the conference, I realized that I needed to address an underlying systemic issue with homeschool, which was simply that the majority of homeschool families were simply replicating school, the very thing they were trying to replace. Just a couple of nights before the address, I realized that the key to this problem had been staring me right in the face. The foundation of the problem was, in fact, the very term “homeschool.”

I titled my speech “Targeted Home Education-T.H.E. Way Forward.” My presentation was aimed at helping parents understand all of the underlying problems and issues associated with turning their homes into mini institutions/schools. I helped them understand how building home education on the foundation of a curriculum, which is an anathema to everything we know about learning and children, was taking them in the wrong direction.

Home education provides an opportunity to individualize education, to build the foundation of learning, short-term memory, working memory, and executive function, the pieces that permit all of us to learn, think, and function in the world; and they are the pieces that can make all of our children smarter, much smarter. Home-based education should permit us to work with the “whole child” and help our children discover themselves, learn how to learn and to love learning, to pursue their passions, and become happy, successful adults with a sense of independence, service, and values. If we target what we are doing with home-based education, we can do so much better and even do it in less time than with a curriculum-based approach.

All of our NACD staff who were present and I were pleased with all the folks coming up to us throughout the afternoon and evening and announcing:

“We’re home educators, not homeschoolers; and we want to do it better and smarter.”

NACD Newsletter, February 2019 ©NACD

I wrote an article expanding on these concepts if you are interested in learning more:

T.H.E. Targeted Home Education:
Homeschool Renamed, Re-envisioned, and Given a New Way Forward
by Bob Doman

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Growing up in small town Idaho, anxiety was rarely expressed as an issue with children and adolescents. Anxiety was something that adults had. Even in college 20-24 years ago, stress was an issue when papers were due, or it was finals week. The talk of anxiety and panic attacks was never common, and medication was not needed to help my fellow college companions cope. Having said that, it is hard to know if childhood friends or college roommates had these issues all along but didn’t know what it was? How many of them turned to substance abuse to cope? How many of them are now dealing with debilitative mental health issues that could have been resolved when they were younger?

While anxiety may not have been a significant issue then, it is now. With suicide rates climbing at lightning speed in our youth, we cannot ignore the growth of children and adolescents being diagnosed with anxiety and other mental health disorders. NACD is all about helping children reach their full potential so that they can be happy, contributing, productive adults to our society. As such, we must evaluate the various factors that could be impacting our children’s stress levels both at home and at school. Research in the area of anxiety in children and adolescents has grown and includes possible contributors to this epidemic.

Over the next several articles, I will discuss the following as anxiety contributors and offer suggestions from a neurodevelopmental perspective:

1. overall physiological health of children today from sleep deprivation to diet and exercise
2. avoidance behaviors in children that lead to increased anxiety later
3. children who never learn how to do basic living skills and the significance of developing working memory
4. smartphones and too much screen time
5. children not being present or “mindful”
6. lack of social connection and community
7. high stakes testing, school pressure, and narrow competition.

With this series of articles, my hope is to educate parents and hopefully provide you with some general guidelines to think about as you raise your little humans in this generation.

Reprinted by permission of The NACD Foundation, Volume 32 No. 2, 2019 ©NACD

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T. asks: My three-year-old son loves to watch the same videos over and over again. This is driving my husband and me crazy! But our son throws a fit if we don’t put on the video he wants, so we almost always give in. Is it okay for him to watch the same video a hundred times?

Dear T., Anything you can’t do without is called an addiction. Addictions are not good at any age, let alone at three years old. Although TV can be a great educational tool and a good source of entertainment, too much of a good thing is a bad thing. Children at your son’s age are prone to getting stuck on things, and at the top of the list are particular videos or specific characters (such as the dreaded “Barney”). But if your son is watching the same video repeatedly, he is not learning anything new. He is developing a habit fed by having memorized the video and anticipating what is coming next. Every time an anticipated event occurs, the brain reacts by producing a flood of powerful “feel-good” chemicals known as endorphins. Because the video remains the same every time he sees it, your son is able to count on the pattern of anticipated events and the endorphin rushes that follow.  The cycle repeats over and over, creating a chemical addiction in your child’s brain. His physiological system actually begins to crave seeing the video in order to get the guaranteed rush of endorphins again. That is why he throws a tantrum when he cannot have the “fix” of his cherished video. If this sounds a little scary, it is. The brain can produce chemicals as powerfully addictive as cocaine and other illicit drugs.  Therefore, the best thing to do with videos your child is obsessed with is to have him go with you and give them away. After the initial fit, he should stop demanding them within a couple of days.

When it comes to television and videos, a general guideline for a three-year-old would be to provide as much variety as possible, continually exposing the child to new input. Limit total TV and video time to two hours per day. And make sure at least one of those two hours is spent viewing educational TV and videos.

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M. Asks: My two teens want to stay up half the night and hate getting up in the morning for school. Do you have any suggestions?

Dear M., Many teens are wired such that they need a lot of sleep and prefer to get it from 3:00 a.m. until noon. Some schools are finally acknowledging this and are starting school earlier for the elementary school children, who tend to get up early, and later for the teens. However, most schools still follow a traditional early-morning schedule for teens. So, let me start by saying there are no really great solutions, but there are some basic guidelines that can help.

First, establish a specific time your teens must get up, and maintain it throughout the year as much as you reasonably can.

Second, avoid having entertainment sources in their rooms. TV’s, computers, and video games are all going to add to the problem. Keeping these sleep-avoiding instruments out of their rooms can help teens get to sleep earlier. As much as you can, make their room a place where they read, do homework that does not require a computer, and sleep. Entertainment should be something that happens someplace else in the house. Third, create the proper atmosphere. Environmental sounds are available on CD that include everything from the sounds of ocean waves to the pleasant rhythms of a light rain shower, and many CDs designed for relaxation incorporate classical music selections in which the beats per minute correlate with sleep patterns. Fourth, make getting up their responsibility, not yours. You should not be pulling them out of bed to keep them from being late for school. Make sure they have a loud alarm clock, and then lay down significant consequences for being late for school. Wish them luck, and stick to your guns.

Reprinted from the Journal of The NACD Foundation (formerly The National Academy for Child Development)

Reprinted by permission of The NACD Foundation, Volume 20 No. 2, 2007 ©NACD

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