I never tire of hearing stories like the one we are sharing with you today. This family worked together and totally transformed their daughter’s confidence through opening up all new abilities. When I first started with Stella, only a short while ago, it was apparent that we were working with an intelligent, hard working girl with minor issues in several areas. By addressing and accelerating her processing abilities relative to short term memory, working memory, and long term memory, she was able to make great strides in her abilities. In addition to focusing on these pieces, we freed her up from a package of academic busy work and taught her to love learning. Hearing how this has impacted her life and the lives of her family is what keeps the staff at NACD doing what we love to do. Read all about their journey:

From Marie, Stella’s mother

My name is Marie, and I am the mother of Stella. We have been receiving NACD services since September 2022. Over the last nine months our family has gone through multiple challenges and changes, including moving from Texas to Puerto Rico, becoming farmers, and starting homeschooling. NACD has been an important part of this change, as it has provided us with guidance and support. Stella started her education at home with me when she was very small. Before her 1^st year of age, I started reading to her, singing, showing her colors, and stimulating her physical, emotional, and cognitive development as much as I could until the age of 4, when she started going to preschool. She was a smart and eager-to-learn little girl, already bilingual (Spanish and English), even when our main language was Spanish. Later we moved to the States, where Stella started Kindergarten. This is when I started noticing problems with her learning process. The girl that was eager to learn was now crying about sight words, and was struggling switching letters and sounds when reading, and not wanting to go to school. I was heartbroken, but our financial situation would not allow me to stay with her at home, or so I thought. Around that time, we received recommendations to stop reading to her in Spanish, and by the age of 6 she was forgetting Spanish. By second grade we had noticed that the previous issues would not be resolved, and now she was also struggling with mathematical problems. The girl that loved numbers and was able to count and do simple math tasks now was struggling and hating math. Her teachers were instructing us to take her out of her extracurriculars (sports and music), the only areas she was feeling successful about. We refused. Right before we started NACD for her 8^th grade, Stella had good grades at the cost of her peace and rest. She was restless, agitated, and anxious most of the time. Her mood would swing, and she was frequently upset. She would listen to conversations differently than what we said and feel upset about it. She was putting more effort into her schoolwork than any of her peers just to catch up. It was so hard to see her at the dining table completing work from the classroom, and later her homework. When we asked the schools for evaluations or support, they would only notice her excellent grades, but not the extra effort and anxiety she was struggling with. When we started NACD Stella had started a bunch of books but had not finished any yet. She used to say she hated to read and hated math. Now the story is so different. After only nine months of NACD programming, we have seen such a change. Lyn has been an amazing source of wisdom and guidance, and Melody has been the strong and kind hand taking us from point A to point B. Here is a brief list of some of the changes we have noticed:

• More responsibility.
• Increased comprehension of verbal commands, social cues, and even reading.
• Increased attention span: Able to follow multi-step directions and recall appropriately when asked to complete tasks and chores.
• Better self-regulation in conversations, when upset, and when discussing different points of view.
• Is more self-regulated in terms of how to invest time in different activities (fun vs. responsibilities).
• Able to accept her mistakes and point at mistakes appropriately, not taking it personally, but explaining, or accepting whatever is appropriate in the situation.
• Identifies what is working for her and what is not; negotiates.
• Learning to manage money (math), as before she would avoid trying to pay for things and even look at what she was supposed to pay or receive as change (avoidance of the math process).
• She is interested in audiobooks and in reading paper books, when in the past she had no interest in books in general. Has completed about 5 books (paper books) over the course of the year, and multiple audiobooks, when previously it was impossible for her to complete 1 book per year.
• Overall, she seems more mature.

We are thrilled with her progress and the person she truly is. It is beautiful to see my wonderful teen being able to show her true colors, without the anxiety, without the moods and the exhaustion. We are excited about what is to come, and even though we are not done yet, the current progress is so wonderful, and our family is better because of it. We are living a much simpler life. Currently we are farming, and I am working from home, and even when it took a leap of faith to get here, I wouldn’t change it for the world. My daughter’s peace and healthy development is worth the change! Thanks, NACD, for your support throughout these 9 months! We are excited about the journey to come!

            • Reprinted by permission NACD Newsletter, July 2023 ©NACD

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Most of us have no idea what creatures of habit and patterns we are, nor how stuck we can be in these behavior patterns. I have three dogs that keep reminding me of what a creature of habit I am. If I’m watching TV in the evening and pick up the TV remote, my dogs notice; and if I turn off the TV, they all jump up ready to go. Which way they go is determined by the direction of my first step when I stand up. In the morning if I pick up my cup from the coffee machine and if I turn left, my dogs run down to my office. If I turn right, they go about their business because there are too many options as to what I might do. You probably put the same foot into your pant leg first most every day. The point is that we humans create hundreds of behavior patterns, most of which we are oblivious to.

When dealing with children, particularly children with developmental issues, the connection between the child and the parents and caregivers is amazing. This connection leads to each learning each other’s patterns. Patterns can become ruts, ruts that both parent and child can get stuck in.

One very common pattern or rut that creates problems involves what children will eat. In a very significant percentage of children who come to us, ranging from severely involved children to those who are gifted, a common problem is picky eaters. Back in the early ‘70s when we created a program specifically for children with autism, I worked with a teenage girl who had eaten no food other than apples for virtually her entire life. To compound the mystery of this child, she also had pica—she would put most anything in her mouth and eat it. This included everything from dirt to bugs and her dog’s feces from the yard, but not food. The issue with her eating a greater variety of foods was obviously not an issue with taste or smell, although this can be an issue for many children, particularly those on the spectrum. It was simply a matter of an established pattern, a habit. It should be noted that food cravings that come from eating a lot of some specific foods can also be a contributing issue. Kids are not simple.

In a previous article (Independence and the Developmentally Challenged Child) I discussed how important and vital independence is for the overall development of the child or young adult. The child’s and the parent’s patterns and habits often have a very negative impact on the development of independence.

An example of a common pattern that slows down the development of independence in many children is helping them dress themselves. Most parents who assist their child in dressing and undressing assist in virtually the exact same way every time, and the child participates, or does not participate, in exactly the same way. As an example: Mom approaches Johnny with a T-shirt. Johnny sees it and waits for Mom to put it over his head, at which point he lifts his arms and she helps put his arms in the sleeves. Then she pulls the shirt down. Every day they follow the same pattern. If Mom doesn’t do something to change her pattern, the odds are great that Johnny doesn’t either; and Johnny’s development of independence in dressing himself goes nowhere. Parents need to become acutely aware of the hundreds of such patterns, habits that have been created by them and their children, and consciously work to break them.

It’s helpful when trying to grasp the significance of patterns to see how differently children perform with different people and in different places. Children who work with their parents, caregivers, therapists, and teachers are often going to react and perform differently with each person, or in each place, because patterns and habits are created together and are often person and place specific. Each adult establishes a new pattern, and to some extent the physical space helps establish a new mental picture and a new pattern as well. Most children on the spectrum are strong visualizers, creating mental pictures and videos associated with many aspects of their lives. For these visualizers anything that changes their picture (or habit) can lead to them becoming upset, with the net result being that family members and caregivers avoid upsetting the apple cart and work hard to maintain and reinforce the habits.

One of the most devastating and pervasive problems associated with patterns negatively impacting many of our children with developmental issues is prompt dependency. Prompt dependence is actually taught through creating a patten by which the child is prompted, generally verbally through virtually every step of what they are being instructed to do. Some children, after years of such instruction, develop such a strong pattern that they will do almost nothing without a prompt, requiring someone to guide them through most everything they do, creating greater dependency and stifling independence.

Referring back to the picky eater problem, parents often discover that their child will eat foods at the grandparent’s house that they won’t eat at home, or in a restaurant, or even outside. This is because a new place helps change the pattern.

The teenage girl with autism I met had her eating problem largely resolved within the week she and her family spent with us. Guess what we did to fix it? Almost nothing. The child had spent her whole life at home, eating by herself in the same kitchen at the same table and given the same food—apples—because her family been convinced that she wouldn’t eat anything else, and had established a very strong behavior pattern. When the family flew across the county, stayed in a hotel and at our offices, and ate at restaurants together, they broke the pattern. My little suggestion was to not have any apples nor bring apples to the restaurant and to simply order her the same food the parents were eating and tell her they didn’t have apples. She ate the food and within the week established a new behavior pattern, which was to eat what the family ate.

Patterns and habits affect all of our lives to amazing degrees. Having healthy diets for most people means establishing a new behavior pattern or habit. Exercising regularly for most people requires establishing a new behavior pattern or habit. Many people realize how difficult it can be to break an old pattern and create a new one and realize it doesn’t just happen. You have to very consciously work to create that new behavior pattern; and the longer a pattern exists, the tougher it is to change it, whether it is a good or a bad habit.

Typically developing children are neurologically changing rapidly, and that neurological change pushes them to do new things; and in the process it tends to break many previously established patterns of behavior. Typical children and their parents can certainly fall victim to habits. But when you slow down the developmental process, life tends to become just a series of pattens that essentially rule the child and the family’s life and can significantly and often dramatically inhibit change, development, and expectations. These patterns can affect all areas of development and function. An example is children learning patterns of communication. If whining works to get attention, and Mom interprets that as the child wanting something and becomes trained to start offering the child options until the whining stops, then the odds are good that the child will maintain that pattern of communication even though they neurologically are ready to start verbally communicating. In a similar vein there are children who develop a functional vocabulary of only a few words, who may go years without expanding that vocabulary. It becomes their pattern, and if the expectation is that it’s all he or she can do, then it becomes the perception of what can be, and it is accepted. A child who has a vocabulary of three words is demonstrating that they have the cognitive ability and the oral motor ability to think in words and produce words, why not ten words or twenty words or a thousand words?

If a child lacks mobility, the ability to move either through crawling, creeping, or walking to get to something, and learns to simply lay on the floor and space out, cry for attention, or whine until someone brings something to them, then often these become patterns and the child has no perception that they could move to go somewhere or get something. These children may have the cognitive and physical pieces that would permit them to move, but they are stuck in a pattern.

Looking at pieces of the child in isolation makes it very difficult at best to determine what is a reflection of the child being stuck in a pattern vs. what can, could, and should be. The perception of what can be is then easily limited to what has been, and doors are closed not based on the innate potential of the child, but rather on what patterns have been and are in place.

If, however, we view the “whole child,” the gestalt of the child, we can then see what could be and what pieces need to be put together to break the habits or patterns and move forward.

For example, one vital piece of the “whole child” is cognitive function. If we have understanding, auditory sequential processing, that says the child mentally has the ability to use language functionally and put two or three words together, as well as adequate oral motor skills for speech, but they only use a few words, then we know we have a child who today could be speaking much more, if not for being stuck in a pattern. If, however, we have the cognition, but not the needed oral motor function, then we know we need to work on the oral motor function hard, as well as working behaviorally to create the internal need to communicate. Conversely, if the child has sufficient oral motor function, but not the cognitive function, then the primary focus becomes the cognition.

Looking at a child as their isolated pieces and not understanding their patterns and habits can produce misdirected efforts and priorities, and more often than not turn the focus toward alternatives that lead to poor, low, or limited expectations that can negatively impact the child’s ultimate potential.

Not understanding the “whole child” or the impact of patterns can lead to pursuit of poor alternatives. For the child with limited language, the alternative may be an augmentative communication device that for the vast majority of children fails. If full mobility is deemed to be improbable, then putting the necessary developmental pieces together gets scrapped, and the therapy gets directed toward a child who will spend the rest of their life in a wheelchair. Or a child with unresolved behavior issues ends up being medicated, rather than having his pieces put together and patterns broken.

Habits and patterns impact all of our lives. For our children with developmental problems, these habits and patterns, both theirs and ours, can have devastating consequences. Every child needs to be viewed through the lens of the “whole child” and seen as a creature of habit if we are going to begin to provide them with a real opportunity to realize their innate potential.

Lack of function needs not and should not be viewed as a prognosis or predictor of potential.

Reprinted by permission of The NACD Foundation, Volume 34 No.5, 2021 ©NACD

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For those exploring options and asking questions about NACD Home Education or interest in homeschool for your child, we have collected a list of questions and answers that may help you with your decision making process.

The following is a list of Frequently Asked Questions about our NACD Home Education (Homeschooling) program:

What is NACD Home Education? 

NACD Home Education is a proven, time flexible, efficient, effective, home-based educational program for those choosing to homeschool. 

NACD Home Education is an individualized, dynamic, targeted, and comprehensive developmental/educational program designed to accelerate every child’s rate of development and education. Using the science of neuroplasticity, it is possible to accelerate important aspects of development, cognition, and education in significantly less time per day than traditional school or homeschool. NACD Home Education programs are applicable for children across the developmental spectrum, including those with special needs or learning issues, as well as typical and gifted children. For over 40 years NACD has been a leader in cognitive development and working with the whole child within the context of their family. NACD works proactively with the family, working in unison to help our children develop into successful adults. We have a long history of working with homeschoolers. 

Helpful links

T.H.E. Targeted Home Education: https://www.nacd.org/t-h-e-targeted-home-education/

Targeted Home Education – T.H.E. Way Forward: https://www.nacd.org/targeted-home-education-the-way-forward/

NACD Targeted Home-Based Education: The Vision and the Plan: https://www.nacd.org/nacd-targeted-home-based-education-the-vision-and-the-plan/

Helping your child establish the foundation that will help them become successful adults.

Although curriculum has become almost synonymous with education, it is not. Education is a process by which we teach and develop the whole child. The foundational pieces that are addressed by NACD Home Education include:

• Improving your child’s cognition, including short-term memory, working memory, executive function, and maturity—making them smarter
• Improving your child’s reading
• Teaching them to love reading and turning them into lifelong readers
• Accelerating your child’s math abilities
• Teaching them that math can be easy and to love it
• Helping them learn how to love learning and become independent thinkers and motivated learners
• Providing a functional, comprehensive academic education
• Teaching your child how to be highly capable, be responsible for chores, and to contribute
• Building their self-esteem, confidence, and independence
• Physical and emotional health and wellbeing
• Helping you establish a strong, positive, healthy relationship with your child
• Helping your child discover and pursue their strengths, interests, and passions
• Educating the child in the family’s social, spiritual, and philosophical ideals.

Is NACD a homeschool program?

Yes, NACD is home-based, but not a typical curriculum heavy homeschool program. 

NACD provides a home-based education, administered and implemented by parents, family, and caregivers, that addresses the needs of the whole child within the context of the family and the family’s vision for their child. NACD home-based education does not have a specific curriculum and is not curriculum heavy, but rather curriculum specific, individualized, and targeted. With NACD home-based education your child is not plugged into a specific packaged curriculum, but rather the educational approach and content is built around your child, which among other things permits you to accomplish more in much less time per day.

Helpful links

Who We Help – NACD Homeschool & Home Education: https://www.nacd.org/who-we-help/homeschooling/

Is Home Education the same as homeschool? 

No, NACD Home Education is not the same as homeschool.

Many homeschool programs are simply curriculums. Homeschool programs are often built around specific curriculums much like schools. Your child is plugged into a curriculum whether or not it fits them, just as it is done with typical brick and mortar schools. It is not targeted, not specific, and not time, energy, or outcome specific. NACD Home Education Programs assist the parent in every aspect of the child’s development and education, reaching far beyond curriculum.

Helpful links

How to School Your Child: https://www.nacd.org/how-to-school-your-child/

How long per day does it take to do an NACD Home Education Program?

The time commitments per day are flexible and based on the goals and the family’s available time for implementation.

NACD has been designing home-based programs for forty years and has learned how to accommodate a broad range of needs, circumstance, time, and manpower availability. Because each program is individually designed to fit each child within the context of their family, there is great flexibility. Programs have been designed that take minutes per day, hours per day, or that structure the entire day. Programs can be accomplished by stay-at-home parents or parents who work from home or leave the home part time, or even have full time employment. Home education programs have even been implemented by families not just within their homes, but also within their businesses, offices, or as multi-family teams. NACD works with the families to identify the child’s needs and then explores a range of program options and manpower needs, including getting help from grandparents, siblings, college students, and others. We enjoy being creative.

What are NACD’s goals for the children being home educated with them?

Our goal is to help the family create a vision for their child and help them achieve it.

Success is not just not just being able to read or do math or recall a lot of curriculum, but to develop the whole individual. Sadly, whether a child is attending a brick and mortar school or doing a typical homeschool curriculum, the focus is on the curriculum, most of which is quickly forgotten. Our goal is to work with the family to help and develop the whole individual, including development of super cognitive function, a strong academic foundation, and to turn the child into a lifelong reader and independent lifelong confident learner, to teach responsibility, help them become highly capable and to learn service, and to provide the child with the opportunity to discover and build their talents and passions. 

What this entails is close coordination between the family and NACD—a highly individualized, targeted program. So whether the student and family’s goal is to overcome learning or developmental problems for medical or law school, nuclear physics, liberal arts college, trade school, or maybe building a business of their own, NACD will provide the support and guidance to develop that plan. Success is not defined the same way for everyone, but being able to maintain and sustain an independent and successful adult life is important for everyone. However that is defined, NACD is there to assist the student and the family in achieving that dream.

What curriculum does NACD use? 

NACD does not use a packaged curriculum, but creates an educational program designed to fit each specific child.

For decades education has focused on curriculum—what is being taught, not what is being learned. NACD acknowledges and values our children’s uniqueness and works with the family to provide a comprehensive, targeted education that fits the child and focuses on outcomes. NACD does not use a packaged curriculum and develops each child’s educational plan and approaches so as to teach them as effectively and efficiently as possible. Through targeted education more can be taught in significantly less time per day than is typically done in schools or through typical homeschools.

Helpful links

The Sweet Spot: Optimizing Education & Developmental Intervention: https://www.nacd.org/sweet-spot-optimizing-education-developmental-intervention/ 

NACD Articles About Curriculum: https://www.nacd.org/?s=curriculum

If NACD does not follow a specific curriculum, what education materials do you use?

NACD uses a broad range of educational content.

Providing a targeted, individualized education requires an understanding of the learning strengths and weaknesses of the student, targeting and developing their weak areas while taking advantage of their strengths. This necessitates the use of many different materials and different techniques to teach each subject. In addition we need to target the materials for each subject so as to fit the individual’s specific level and to teach to their academic “sweetspot.” Fortunately, between materials created by NACD and the range of books, programs, and online materials and courses available today, we are able to tailor the curriculum to the child. NACD works to target each child’s program to fit their unique needs. 

Do parents need to purchase additional materials?

Yes, at times parents will need to purchase specific books and materials that are recommended. 

Most educational materials needed are very low cost, but effective materials. With high school level students, specific coursework may be recommended depending upon the needs and function of that particular student, as well as requirements by specific states. It is important to keep in mind that the educational plans are truly individualized so we cannot make broad statements as to what specifically will be needed at each level of education or how the materials are to be used.

Is NACD a school?

NACD is not a school in the traditional sense. 

NACD assists parents in providing a home-based education, addressing the needs of their whole child. This includes cognitive development, nutrition, physical and emotional development, teaching the child how to be highly capable; all while accelerating education and turning them into lifelong readers and learners. Through tri-annual evaluations that are carried out in one of our national or international evaluation sites or via Skype or Zoom and access to daily coaching, NACD can assist any child anywhere on the planet.

Does NACD have a facility where I take my child? 

No.

NACD provides only home-based programs that are designed by NACD and implemented by family and caregivers, in the home environment, under the direction of NACD and with the training and support of NACD staff. 

Does NACD replace going to school? Can my child go to school and NACD?

NACD Home Programs can replace school or work in conjunction with schools.

Every child is unique, every family is unique, and for every family in every area the school opportunities are unique as well. Most of our families do entirely home-based programs. Some children attend school full time and do an NACD program either before or after school or on weekends. And some families do a hybrid program, part time home and part time school. As an example, some of our special needs and typical children as well attend part-time school primarily for the social experience. In some enlightened states, such as Utah, home educated students can participate in any school classes or sports that they wish, so they can go play on the highschool football team or take a physics class. Because every NACD program is individually designed, there are many options.

Does NACD follow the academic guidelines of my state?

Yes.

States and countries all have their specific requirements. NACD works with the family to create a program that meets each state or country’s requirements.

Who actually implements the program with my child? 

NACD staff teach the parents and caregivers how to work with their child and coach them through the process.

NACD home education programs are designed to be implemented primarily by parents and caregivers. For 40 years NACD has successfully trained parents and other non-professionals to implement our programs. Parents primarily work with their child at home each day and receive unlimited support from their NACD coach and NACD Developmentalist. In some cases, the parents are not able to work with their child. College students, nannies, grandparents and other relatives, and older siblings have implemented NACD programs. It does not have to be the parents; however, we do strongly encourage that parents play an active role in managing their child’s programs, ensuring that the activities are being implemented correctly by the person responsible for carrying out the child’s program. 

What does “teaching the parents” mean?

In NACD Home Education Programs NACD works with the parents and the family. The family and caregivers under NACD’s guidance and coaching implement the NACD designed program. 

In an NACD home-based program, parents and caregivers are trained to implement the programs that are designed specifically for their child by NACD following an assessment. Parents are given access to their child-specific online portal that contains their child’s assessments, their programs with implementation videos and instructions for parents, and a chronology of videos that are used to communicate with the child’s evaluator, demonstrate program implementation for parental training, and to document specific educational and developmental problems and progress. Parents and caregivers are given daily access to a coach who provides support and who coordinates and provides ongoing communication with other NACD staff.

Helpful links

Parenting 101 – A Child’s Education Begins with Educating the Parents: https://www.nacd.org/parenting-101-a-childs-education-begins-with-educating-the-parents/

Does NACD give any assistance to parents when the child isn’t cooperating with learning?

Absolutely.

We do. Raising children and improving their function is not always an easy task. NACD evaluators and coaches are there to help with issues as they arise, providing support and guidance when and as needed to help resolve and prevent behavioral problems that may impede progress. We will walk you through those tough times and help develop the cognitive and behavioral foundation that helps avoid most behavioral or compliance issues.

Helpful links

Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say: https://www.nacd.org/say-what-you-mean-and-mean-what-you-say-part-2-educationbehavior/

Does NACD help when the work is too hard for my child?

Yes, NACD addresses and resolves these issues.

If “schoolwork” is too hard, the material and approach is not targeted to the child. To varying degrees if a child is being plugged into a curriculum, it is not going to be targeted to fit them. We help by working with you to improve your child’s processing and working memory so that they are simply smarter, and we provide assistance to target where they are academically and to accelerate their pace to get them to a point where the work is not difficult. We create education plans that are designed to target your child’s current processing level so that the work is not too hard; plus we write plans that address the issue of motivation as well. This process is most easily accomplished if the child is doing a home-based NACD program, but can also be accomplished, although a slower process, by working around and with an existing school program.

Helpful links

Does School Remediation Result in Success?: https://www.nacd.org/does-school-remediation-result-in-success-2/

Can I use NACD Home Education if my state or intended college requires sports, music, art, or things like hands-on science labs?

Yes.

With a home-based NACD program, you can access many resources and your program can be customized to help you meet virtually any specific requirements.

Does NACD work with preschool kids?

Yes, NACD works with infants and preschool children.

Because an NACD program is developmental and because the foundation established in the first five years of life can both shape a child’s future and avoid most learning and attention issues, the sooner we can start working with a child and a family, the better. 

Helpful links

NACD Preschool: https://www.nacd.org/who-we-help/preschool/ 

When should I send my child to preschool? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u8Y63vqyme4

Does NACD work with elementary school children? 

Yes, NACD works with elementary school age children.

NACD believes that targeted developmental and educational support and help is optimal virtually from birth, and therefore provides programs for all children regardless of age. NACD has demonstrated for decades that the early years are incredibly important and that the stronger the foundation, the easier the entire educational experience and the better the educational and life outcomes. Being proactive in the early years (birth through elementary grades) means that the vast majority of learning, attention, and cognitive issues can be avoided. The focus can be on creating excellent learners, lifelong readers, children who love and excel in learning, and who become successful middle, high school and college students, and become successful adults. NACD’s forty plus years of experience has permitted us to follow individuals literally from birth to adult and parenthood. We are proud to be working with many children whose successful parents were on NACD home-based and homeschool programs themselves.

Helpful links

NACD Parent Testimonial: https://www.nacd.org/testimonial-from-the-parent-of-three-nacd-graduates/

Does NACD work with middle school/junior high children?

Yes, NACD works with middle school and jr. high children.

NACD works with children and adults of all ages. Many children come to us in the middle school and jr. high years because of learning, attention, attitude, and behavior issues that are not being addressed by school or homeschool, or simply because parents are aware that their child is not being given the needed opportunities to achieve their potential. These can be challenging years for many children and parents alike, and parents’ daily access to coaches and staff can be the difference between success and failure or mediocrity and excellence. 

What can NACD do for my high school child?

NACD can make a world of difference in the lives of high school children.

Families often start on NACD home-based programs for their high school students because they have discovered that issues identified in elementary school were never actually addressed and remediated and accommodations were doing more harm than good. Many parents at this time realize that their vision for their child has become clouded, and there are questions about where their child is going, their future. Other parents realize that they have high school students who lack a love of reading and learning and have not had an opportunity to explore and develop their own interests and a direction. And other parents realize that their visions for high achievement and success are not being realized through their child’s schooling. High school is not too late. Processing and cognition can still be developed, children can still be taught to be responsible, children can still be turned into active participants, and areas needing remediation can still be taken care of, and there is still time to excel. NACD has worked with countless children who lacked a foundation and a vision for their futures who have learned who they are and put together the pieces to become successful in college and in professions, successful entrepreneurs or whatever their chosen career path, successful whole adults.

Does NACD work with college students?

Yes, NACD works with college students.

Once in college students may discover that they lack the cognitive foundation to compete or excel. Some work way too hard for the results they are achieving, or they are even working hard and failing. NACD’s cognitive programs, including the online Simply Smarter program, can often produce rapid change in cognition and help make a poor student a good student and a good student an excellent student, providing them with the edge they need to excel. In addition many bright children get through K-12 without obvious identified issues, but when they reach college and face much greater challenges both in and out of the classroom, things begin to fall apart. It is not too late.

Helpful links

NACD Articles about College: https://www.nacd.org/?s=college

Will NACD work with my child with dyslexia?

Yes, NACD has worked with thousands of children over the years that were identified as dyslexic.

What we find is that each one of them is unique and needs a very specific program designed to address and eliminate their underlying issues, along with an individualized reading program to accelerate their development in reading. We do not take a “one size fits all” approach with any child and do not see “dyslexia” as a permanent issue. 

Helpful links

Read about NACD’s views on dyslexia here: https://www.nacd.org/dyslexia-what-is-it-and-what-can-you-do-about-it/

NACD Program for Dyslexia: https://www.nacd.org/who-we-help/dyslexia/

My child is in special education. Can they join NACD?

Yes, NACD can work with children who are currently in special education.

Many families, once they discover NACD, often realize that they can do more with NACD’s help at home and pull their children out of school. Others do not have the option of home-based education or homeschool, and NACD works with the family and the school to provide as many opportunities as possible.

NACD has been designing and supervising home-based developmental, therapeutic, and education programs for special needs children for over forty years. Our founder and director, Bob Doman, began his career as a special education teacher in 1969 and by the age of 25 was the Education Director of a large special needs school and the United Cerebral Palsy Organization. In this capacity he was designing and supervising the special education programs and overseeing the speech, physical, and occupational therapy programs. While still in his twenties, Bob was designing home-based programs for special needs children from throughout the United States and in Spain and Israel. Since 1979 when NACD was founded, NACD has been innovative in the development of cognitive, academic, and developmental programs for special needs children. NACD is and has always been home-based, designing targeted programs that often replace not only schools but the need for other therapies as well, teaching and supervising parents and caregivers in the implementation of targeted programs for their special needs children. Part of the foundation of NACD’s success has been an understanding and application of the proven principles of neuroplasticity, acknowledging the importance of very targeted input (NACD utilizes over 3000 specific methods and techniques), frequency (specific input provided often numerous times per day, not once or twice a week), intensity (programs implemented by parents, the people who know the child the best and who are the most vested in seeing them progress), and the importance of being dynamic (constantly changing to remain targeted; NACD provides daily access to coaches and staff). NACD provides home-based, targeted programs designed around the parents’ time and resources for the full range of special needs children, including those on the autism spectrum, Down syndrome, brain injury, cerebral palsy, and many others.

Helpful links

NACD program for homeschooling children with special needs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URcjTLPcKd8

NACD Articles about Special Education: https://www.nacd.org/?s=special+education

Does NACD work with adults with special needs?

Yes, NACD has vast experience helping adults with special needs.

NACD has a long history of helping adults with special needs and literally changing their lives. As children, most of those with special needs were provided with an “appropriate” education. Unfortunately, this means that the program was lowered and the expectations limited and opportunities provided based on the perceived potential. The outcomes were self fulfilling prophecies. Expect less, provide less, and get less. Rarely if ever are efforts made to even develop cognition, the foundation of all learning and function. Fortunately, NACD has been developing cognitive function in both children and adults, based on the science of neuroplasticity, for decades and has produced often amazing outcomes. It’s never too late, and unfortunately, as many parents of special needs adults are realizing, they are either doing things to improve their function and abilities or their adult children are regressing. One of our main goals with an adult with special needs is to increase their independence and maturity. The need for help for those with special needs may never be greater than it is for the adult with special needs. 

Does NACD work with babies?

Yes, NACD works with typical babies as well as those with developmental issues.

If NACD could design programs for all babies and have parents and grandparents implement them, we could change the world. Without a doubt what can and should be done before a child ever enters school will impact the rest of their lives more than most anything that can happen in subsequent years. Virtually every hour of targeted input a parent provides a baby forever changes their brains and lives. It is vital that children with special needs are addressed and helped as whole individuals, not as pieces, and that they receive daily intervention, not a session or two a week. Learning and attention problems are referred to as developmental problems because they are mostly the reflections of steps and opportunities having been missed in the first few years of life. LIkewise, smart children are not created in schools and colleges as much as they are created before they ever go to school.

How much does NACD Home Education cost? 

There is a one time initial evaluation fee, followed by a monthly membership fee. 

To view our current fee schedule, please register for our get started process here. NACD.org/get-started. 

Are there any scholarships available for NACD? 

Yes.

NACD has scholarships available to help with the initial fee to join. To learn more about any potential scholarships available, please complete our get started process here: NACD.org/get-started

How do I join the NACD Home Education program?

To begin the process of joining the NACD Home Education program, the parent first goes through the free Get Started (https://www.nacd.org/get-started/) section on our website that helps them understand the philosophy and mechanics of our program. The family then completes and submits a comprehensive application/history of the child. The application is reviewed by NACD staff and is followed up by an interview between a staff member and the parent or parents. The interview is to determine if the family and NACD are a good fit. Following the interview the family will be given a list of any additional information that may be needed. This list varies from child to child and varies depending on whether there will be an in-person evaluation or Skype. Included in the list of requests are specific tests to be completed, as well as records and videos to be uploaded to our Family Portal. 

After everything has been submitted, the child is evaluated by an NACD professional evaluator, and with the aid of the parent, a developmental profile is completed and an overall direction and game plan is agreed upon. The NACD professional evaluator then designs the home education program, which along with the evaluation and profile, is posted on the NACD Family Portal, with written and video training materials for the parent. 

Every family is provided with a coach who is available to assist and guide them. The coach is available to the family Monday-Friday. The coach also acts as the family’s communication link to their evaluator. Within two weeks of starting the program, the parent is requested to video implementation of the various aspects of the child’s program and post them on the Portal for the evaluator’s review, comments, and modifications.

The child’s program is dynamic, and through ongoing communication with the coach and the evaluator and videos, the programs are modified on an ongoing basis as needed.

Every four months the child is re-evaluated and program modifications made.

Is there a question about Home Education or Homeschool that we missed?

Let us know by contacting us at: info@nacd.org or by leaving a question for us using the support chat feature in the lower right corner of your browser window. We are happy to answer any questions you might have!

Reprinted by permission NACD Newsletter, August 2020 ©NACD

The post NACD Homeschool & Home Education FAQ appeared first on NACD International | The National Association for Child Development.

by Bob Doman

My son won’t do what I tell him to do.

Mom said, “Stop it!” for the ten-thousandth time.

Why should I?

The kids are out of control.

You’re not the boss of me.

Susie won’t sit at the table and finish her meal.

I can’t get him to do anything.

Many parents feel powerless to get their children to obey. They try rewards and every “punishment*” under the sky, but the kids still ignore them and do what they want, when they want.

Even though I’ve heard it perhaps thousands of times, every time I hear an adult, a parent, tell me their little thirty-pound child won’t listen to them and that they can’t get their child to obey, follow directions, stop doing something harmful or dangerous, or do something important for their development and education, I am a bit taken aback. Whether your child is two, ten, or a teen you have power—if you wish to exercise it—to gain control.

Your child can’t eat something unless you buy it; they can’t watch TV, listen to music, play a video game, use an iPad or any screen for that matter unless you let them. They can’t go to the park or do many things unless you facilitate or permit it.

The things your child really likes are the things that provide you with parent power; if you are willing to use your power. Access to favorite foods or treats, access to screens, music, special toys, extra or special events, etc. are not in the category of necessities. They are things you as a parent can choose or not choose to provide. These things need to be perceived by you as special things you are providing for your child; not having them is not deprivation.

If I suggest to some parents that they need to withhold favorite items or activities and use them as rewards for compliance, cooperation, or trying, I will hear comments such as, “Johnny will throw a fit if I limit his screen time!” A parent who is afraid to control their child is the parent of a child who is doing a better job of using rewards and consequences with their parents than the parents are with them.

A rule of thumb with children’s behavior is that they do what works, regardless of how self-defeating it may appear to be. If you tell Johnny he can’t play with the iPad and he throws a fit, he is doing it because throwing a fit works; it gets you to do what he wants. He is punishing your behavior. When you need Johnny to keep himself occupied and stay out of trouble and he quietly spends hours on the iPad, he is rewarding your behavior of letting him do what he wants. If Johnny’s fits didn’t work, he would stop having them. The typical parental response to this is, “I don’t let it work, I don’t give him what he wants.” My response to the parents is, “How consistently do you not give in and let it work?” Even if the parent’s response is, “most of the time,” that isn’t enough. If Johnny believed you, he wouldn’t do it because he knows it’s not going to work. Kids are terrible with odds. You wouldn’t gamble on something with lousy odds, would you? It depends, doesn’t it? You might buy a Powerball ticket with odds of 1 in 292,201,338 with the chance of winning millions. Guess what? To your five-year-old, getting the iPad right this minute is more significant than 100 million dollars to them (at least in part because they may have spent so much time on it that they are now addicts).

Historically I haven’t found that taking everything away from children to be productive. It is and feels to them to be punitive and it doesn’t work. But controlling their one favorite thing, or a few of their favorite things, and having them earn them does work. There is a difference, a significant difference.

There are a few important principles for parents to learn in dealing with their child’s behavior.

Behavior Principle #1

First is the concept of opposite incompatible behaviors. If you take advantage of this concept, in many, if not most cases, you can reward a behavior rather than punishing an opposite behavior. Rewards almost always work better than punishments and they make us as parents feel much better. They also move us toward creating a positive environment.

Examples of Opposite Incompatible Behaviors:

• not staying in bed/staying in bed
• not doing a chore/doing the chore
• siblings fighting/siblings not fighting
• not cooperating/cooperating
• having a lousy attitude/having a good attitude

Behavior Principle #2

Second, if we are trying to start a new behavior, we start with a small demand and a big reward. In the category of behavior, we have everything from a child saying “please”, to a child playing nicely with a sibling, to taking off their socks, to working hard on a processing activity. As we get the new behavior started and are establishing a new behavior pattern, we decrease the intensity/size and the type of the reward.

Behavior Principle #3

Third, always couple a tangible reward such as a treat, a special privilege, or even money, with a “social” reward. A social reward means praise, a hug, a high five, etc. As we build the habit of the new behavior, we decrease or phase out the tangible reward and maintain the “social” reward, albeit perhaps at a less intense level.

Behavior Principle #4

Fourth, if we are using something they like and that is important for them as a reward, if that thing can only be accessed as a reward, it has much greater power than if it is just a way to get more of whatever.

How to Implement These Principles

Let me give you two examples of how to implement these principles:

Example 1:

You have taught little Susie how to make her bed and the expectation is that she will now make her bed before leaving her room in the morning. If Susie does not make her bed, do we come up with a punishment? Do we punish this “bad” behavior or find a way to reward the opposite incompatible behavior? After we have taught her how to make her bed independently, we tell her that we want her to make her bed by herself before she leaves her room and comes to breakfast. To help this brand-new behavior along, we kick-start it with a BIG reward. So, for example, you tell Susie what you want and that you are going to be very proud of her if she does this grown-up thing. If she does it, you will make her pancakes for breakfast with syrup, strawberries, and whipped cream. Then after breakfast, you will go to the park. When she comes out for breakfast, you go into her room with her to see if she has completed her job. If she has, you cheer, pick her up, twirl around and give her a big hug, then proceed to make her pancakes, and then head to the park, all the while taking opportunities to tell her how proud you are of her for making her bed. If it turns out she did not make her bed, say something like, “I’m sad you forgot to make your bed. I was going to be so happy to make you pancakes and go to the park, I bet you can remember to do it tomorrow. Without mentioning it, plain eggs for breakfast and no trip to the park; also do not make a big deal of it all. Any attention has the potential to be rewarding, so drop it and move on.

As we continue with Susie making her bed, we slowly decrease the size and frequency of the tangible reward and to some degree the intensity of the “social” reward. Day two of success may earn the pancakes with all the fixings and the trip to the park. Day three, the pancakes, without the strawberries and whipped cream, but no park. After day six or so, start making the pancakes randomly every two to three days, always praising her for the good job she is doing, and then slowly phase out the pancakes, leaving a new behavior pattern and small social rewards, shifting emphasis to new behaviors. We can now avoid the unhealthy pancakes again or save them to help start another new behavior, but only make pancakes when they are being used to build a new behavior—they’re special and have special power.

Example 2:

Sean spends every possible minute he can watching YouTube on the iPad and when you try to take it away so he can do some reading, chores or other productive activity, he throws a huge fit. Sometimes he wins immediately, and you give up and let him watch his favorite videos. Other times you take it away and fight with him for an hour until he sort-of does what you want and then is immediately back to his screen. Do we punish the negative behavior of throwing a fit and not giving up the iPad, or do be find a way to turn the iPad into power?

In Sean’s case we actually have a few issues. He is addicted to watching/perseverating with YouTube videos, he is being defiant, and he is wasting his day doing an unproductive and harmful activity rather than being present, engaged and learning. To compound the problem, the constant negative attention he was getting from fighting and often winning was making his world extremely negative. The negativity was teaching Sean to work for the negatives, not the infrequent positives. It was defining him to himself and others as a negative, unhappy, and uncooperative child. Used correctly, the iPad could not only provide us with power, but it can be used to develop new positive behaviors.

The first thing I would do with Sean, is to take away the iPad completely for a week or two to start breaking the addiction and to teach him that you, and not he, are in control. Take it away, lock it away, and tell him that he has been watching it too much and that it has become bad for him. Period. No further discussion, no arguments. Of course, he will throw a massive fit, but don’t argue, discuss, or give in. As soon as you convince him that he isn’t getting it (if you have an option like going with him and leaving the iPad at Granddad’s house, use it), he will stop fighting. Kids do what work, and when he decides that you aren’t giving in and that his fit isn’t going to work, he will stop. After a few days of peace, it’s time to use the power.

Our goal is to turn the negative behavior of Sean watching endless YouTube videos into the opposite incompatible behavior of working, cooperating, and doing things that are positive for his growth and development. For Sean there is probably a long list of things you would like to see him do, from specific chores, to reading, working on processing, to math. In the past, every one of these things had become negative and he would either have a tantrum and win or throw a fit and eventually sort of do what was asked, but neither well nor as an active participant.

To start on the road to the new Sean, we would define a task that is definitive, that is clearly accomplished correctly. Examples include things like doing five math problems correctly (make it easy), taking the trash out, or emptying the dishwasher. Sean is told that when he accomplishes his task well he will be permitted to play on the iPad for 10 minutes. If Sean enjoys playing good games or doing things other than watching YouTube, I encourage removing all of the offensive material, including YouTube, from the iPad before giving him access. Upon proper completion of the task, give Sean a lot of positive praise and then set a timer for 10 minutes and immediately let him play for the ten minutes. As you proceed with Sean, you would add more and more projects for him, and while maintaining all of the positive social rewards, you would also increase the demands and decrease the iPad time and start looking for other perhaps healthier rewards. As Sean’s world becomes more and more positive, he will hopefully start perceiving himself differently and being happy, while you are moving the tangible rewards in better directions and slowly phase them out completely. You should also be able to decrease the intensity of the social rewards. It’s important to note that another term for “social rewards” is “adult rewards.” As we teach Sean to be a positive active participant and how it feels to receive positive acknowledgement for his efforts, we are also teaching him to appreciate adult reinforcement and to become more mature and responsible.

Parents, learn not to jump when your child says, “jump.” If you are tired of your child pulling the strings and if you would like to gain control, help your child develop, and make his or her world and your world more positive, use the “power” and remember to use the four principles.

*Punishment—a consequence to a behavior that decreases the frequency of the behavior. If you continue to “punish” a behavior and it is not decreasing or being eliminated, you are in fact not punishing, but may be reinforcing a behavior with attention, possibly being abusive or punitive and definitely creating a negative environment.

Reprinted by permission of The NACD Foundation, Volume 33 No. 7, 2020 ©NACD

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These COVID-19 Coronavirus times have certainly turned many of our worlds upside down. We now virtually have a world full of homeschoolers; more parents are at home with their children than at any time in the history of the world. Exceptional times and exceptional circumstances can also result in exceptional opportunities. Many of us are rediscovering and redefining basic things like family, work, school, and our relationship to institutions and society. I would like to talk with you about redefining potential and intellect and how while you are all at home, you have the potential to change the lives of every member of the family.

I would like to share a personal story. I grew up in a family of pioneers in human development. My father, a physician, and my uncle, a physical therapist in the ‘50s, worked with brain injured children and discovered that with the proper stimulation, healthy parts of the brain could learn to carry out the functions of damaged areas of the brain. This was ground breaking work that was originally seen as heretical, but is now after decades universally accepted. Changing perceptions is not an easy task, as I can certainly attest to after fifty years of trying to do it.

When I started studying psychology in the sixties, I had a tremendous advantage over others studying and working in the field. I came to understand that all development was possible through this amazing mechanism called neuroplasticity. If you understood neuroplasticity, development was no longer such a great mystery. The brain changed and developed as a reflection of specific stimulation, not because it just got older. Armed with this understanding, I looked at the brain as dynamic, changing, and most significantly, as changeable.

One area of early interest for me was learning and memory. At that time it was just beginning to be understood that there were various components of memory. Memory was being broken down into short-term memory, working memory, and long-term memory. The focus was on testing it and looking for correlations between these pieces and how people learned and functioned. At that time and for decades, the worlds of psychology and education did not have a perception that you could actually help develop or change memory; and even today, they are not really working to do that. My perception, based on an understanding of neuroplasticity, was that these components of memory didn’t just pop up as adult abilities, but they developed; and what developed changed; and what changed was changeable. I set out to understand all of these pieces and to find ways to change, develop, and accelerate that development.

Decades later I am proud to say that we have developed a great understanding of all of these foundational pieces that we now lump together and refer to as “processing.” Armed with this knowledge and the tools we have developed, we have helped change many thousands of lives. Improving these pieces of auditory and visual short-term memory and working memory is quite simply making people smarter. From our first software that ran on a Commodore Pet computer with a cassette drive in the early eighties, to the Brain Builder software in the nineties, to the present online Simply Smarter program and many dozens of one-to-one activities, we are working to change lives. From brain damaged individuals to those on the autism spectrum, to those with learning and attention issues, to typical children and adults, we can build all of these foundational pieces of memory that literally have the potential to make everyone smarter.

At NACD we work with “whole children,” designing home based comprehensive programs that address everything from a child’s sleep and behavior to how they walk and do algebra, including innovative comprehensive homeschool/home-based educational programs. But there is something that in one way or another is on every child’s program, and that is processing activities.

We are fortunate that we can work via Skype with any family in the world who has Internet access and give them the tools designed to develop and improve their brains. Today everyone doesn’t need to come to NACD to work on their processing. You can take advantage of this expertise and go online and in about fifteen minutes a day put together the pieces that can help you and your children work to become smarter. The tool that is available to you is our Simply Smarter program, a tool that your children can use all by themselves!

Let me help you understand what this all really is and what it can mean for you and your family.

What is “smart?” Can you define it? Do you think you would like your kids to be smarter? How about you?

You can define “smart,” possibly, but even more so, you probably know it when you see it. Smart has to do with being present, being aware, being able to take in and process a lot of information, being able to manipulate that information, think with complexity, put ideas together, focus, and communicate.

Smart doesn’t necessarily mean knowing that the capitol Nevada is Carson City, or that Sir Walter Raleigh was beheaded, or that the First World War ended on November 11, 1918, or what your bile duct does, or that “or” is a conjunction. But smart does mean that you are more likely to find such things interesting and you can learn them more easily than most. Knowing “stuff” doesn’t make you smart. (You are going to actually forget most “stuff” unless you are smart enough to make associations and connections between “stuff” and use it.) And smarter also means that it’s easier to understand and learn everything.

What is the foundation of “smart?”

The foundation of smart is the ability to process and take in a lot of information that you see and hear and to manipulate that information and think.

The more you can process and take in what there is to be heard, the stronger your auditory short-term memory. Your auditory short-term memory provides the fuel for the development of your auditory working memory, which is how many pieces or words you can hold together and manipulate, which equals your complexity of thought, or “smart.” How many pieces of visual information you process from what you see, whether from observation of your world or from reading, relates to your visual short-term memory; and as with auditory processing, your visual short-term memory provides the pieces you use to create your visual working memory and visual-spatial abilities. These fundamental, foundational pieces ultimately determine how much information you take in and use, which translates to how much knowledge you gain and your complexity of thought. All this equals “smart.”

How does processing “smart” develop?

Processing develops primarily from birth to about seven years. The rate and degree it develops is a reflection of the targeted stimulation and opportunities that you receive. In general the more quality one-to-one interaction between a child and an involved adult, the faster and the further it develops. The more enriching the environment, the faster and the further it develops. With specific targeted input designed to build processing skills, processing not only can be accelerated, it can be developed to superior levels.

When does the development of processing abilities stop?

Without specific intervention, the development of processing abilities almost comes to a halt at about seven years of age. From seven into our twenties, it typically develops perhaps another ten to fifteen percent; and after our twenties, without specific intervention it goes into a slow decline. You can continue to learn more, but your ability to do so declines, as does your ability to manipulate the information. As you continue to learn, you can become wiser, but not necessarily smarter, unless you are stretching your processing through complex cognitive activities or actively working to preserve or develop it.

How can you build processing ability and get smarter?

Everyone, from infant to geriatric, with input that is targeted to them, can incrementally build and improve processing ability and get smarter. We at NACD have been developing methodologies and improving processing abilities for the full spectrum of children and adults for over forty years. NACD designs specific processing programs for families who are members of NACD and who wish to utilize comprehensive developmental and educational programs designed so that they can be implemented in the home by parents and caregivers. But as mentioned earlier, NACD also has developed a very comprehensive targeted program for all children five years old and older and for adults up to and including seniors—Simply Smarter.

What is Simply Smarter?

The Simply Smarter program is a dynamic online system that constantly develops and modifies itself, adapting to the individual user to help produce maximum change. Specific activities work progressively to address focus, attention, intensity, auditory and visual short-term and working memory, visualization, conceptualization, and visual-spatial abilities, all of the pieces that help make everyone learn, think, and function better. The program first assesses your baseline and then builds from there, tracking and graphing progress. It has the capability of adjusting from basic levels of a child to levels of incredible function.

What can you do with children under five?

Children at or functioning under five years of age generally need specific one-on-one activities that are designed as part of NACD’s individualized programs. But in addition children from toddlers to five years old can use NACD’s Cognition Coach apps to build processing skills.

How long does it take to get smarter?

With motivation and consistent use, measurable changes can occur in a couple of weeks; and with continued use of Simply Smarter, virtually unlimited improvements are possible. Over the course of the present lockdown, you have the potential to produce a significant change.

Who has used Simply Smarter and what have the results been?

The range of those who have used NACD’s processing activities and Simply Smarter is as broad as the population. NACD’s Simply Smarter and other processing programs have been used by thousands of typical and gifted children and adults, those with learning and attention issues, as well as those with significant developmental issues such as autism spectrum disorder, Down syndrome, and brain injuries. Most everyone working on our comprehensive home based programs not only knows about processing, but is actively working on processing every day and understands the correlation between their child’s processing and global function and abilities. We have seen exceptional changes along the path of many thousands of children’s development and are continually heartened as we see their potential being redefined. Processing is a huge key to success and potential.

Please take this opportunity to change your child’s life trajectory. My mission in life has been to help change the perception of potential and to help develop the tools to do it. Today with more parents and children at home than ever before, I see this as a unique chance to change many lives and potentially change the perception of what can be.

To read an incredible testimonial from a couple about Simply Smarter and see what incredible things even a child can do, please read the following article and watch the video.

Reprinted by permission of The NACD Foundation, Volume 33 No. 4, 2020 ©NACD

The post My Greatest Discovery – How to Make Everyone Smarter appeared first on NACD International | The National Association for Child Development.

In my last article I mentioned that working memory is another factor to consider when looking at anxiety in our children. Bob Doman, founder and director of NACD, has been at the forefront of understanding working memory and its impact on global function since the early ‘80s. It is a big deal. It is not just big, but huge, gargantuan, as it is the foundation that permits us to think. It not only permits us to think, but it also plays a role in our ability to regulate our emotions. Let’s spend some time on working memory, defining its role in our ability to handle stress.

Let’s first review how the brain works in a simple way. Information comes into the brain through our senses. If our sensory channels are functioning normally, the information gets perceived correctly, then it gets processed through our short-term memory. Our working memory is what allows us to think about this information along with taking information that we already know out of long-term memory. For example, if I am sitting in a class and I am listening to a lecture, I am taking in what that teacher says, hearing the information, processing what they are saying, and using my working memory to think about what I already know about that topic, how what they say impacts what I already know, what client comes to mind when I think of what the teacher is saying, etc. I am visualizing, conceptualizing, and developing an opinion or my own thoughts about that particular topic and how it may or may not benefit my work.

According to Bob Doman, “Working memory is the foundation for global neurological maturity and function. It essentially encompasses most of what we think of as ‘thinking.’”

“The NACD model of cognitive function recognizes various components of thinking and learning. Of all of these functions, working memory, including executive function, encompasses the areas that impact simple and complex behavior regulation and problem solving the most. The development of various parts of executive function appears to be a good indicator of future academic success, as well as future life success. Mathematics, reading, and critical thinking are all affected by how well various components of executive function develop and work. Not only do these neurological functions impact academics, but NACD and researchers also find that they impact social skills, job skills, and the skills needed for a child or adult to navigate daily life independently. Time management, time awareness, goal setting and planning, organizational skills, social awareness, financial planning, running a household, writing a research paper, writing a paragraph, and forming thoughts into conversation are all functions that depend on this higher cognitive level referred to as working memory and executive function.” (Doman, 2016)

So what does all this have to do with anxiety? When we think of our kids, anxiety can creep up when they have too much information coming in through their senses, but not enough short-term and working memory to manipulate the information. Have you ever seen a World History textbook? If you have a smart kid who wants to do well in school, but doesn’t have well developed short-term and working memory abilities, they are very likely to get anxious just looking at the book. The pieces that allow them to manage their time with material, organize their studying, and plan how to work through the material are not where they need to be in order for that child to be successful. Now if we have that same kid with five or six classes, with similar amounts of material, imagine how much more anxiety can develop.

Many of the anxious children on our caseload, who may be pre-adolescent age and are struggling with school to the point of shutting down, have poor working memory and conceptual thought. They simply don’t have the ability, YET, to be able to perhaps even process the information coming into their brain, let alone manipulate it and problem solve, think and reason through all that is being presented to them. Let’s also take into consideration what is happening with their bodies during this time frame. They become so overloaded they shut down. With our kids that have good short-term memory but poor working memory, rather than solve a problem that they are facing, sometimes these children may ruminate on the problem itself. Rumination is simply rehashing a problem in their head over and over without having the working memory that permits them to organize their thoughts and reach a conclusion, therefore creating increased anxiety. The more developed a person’s working memory is, the more likely they are able to solve and reason through their problems.

The more a child can reason, the less likely they are to get stressed and shut down. If we look at a neurotypical 3-4-year-old, they are just learning how to reason and problem solve. If they encounter something that is stressful to them, they don’t have the working memory to process the situation and are likely to dart or hide behind their mom versus using conceptual thought to reason as to how best to approach something. The same can be true for a child who is 12 years old but has the working memory of a 3-4-year-old. The same behavior happens, only it looks more problematic because it is an immature behavioral response for a child at that age.

We also have very bright individuals on our caseload who are also anxious because of their incessant need to be the best, to be perfect, to be the straight A student. When does academic pressure, measuring kids, too much testing, and narrow competition get recognized as potentially one of the greatest causes to mental health issues in our kids? Stay tuned to next month’s article.

Reprinted by permission of The NACD Foundation, Volume 32 No. 9, 2019 ©NACD

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A lot of folks, particularly in the USA, have a hard time describing where in the world Romania is or are able to tell you much of anything about Romania (which unfortunately speaks to our educational system); but ask about Transylvania and everyone’s interest perks up and they conjure up visions of Dracula.

This last month I spent almost two weeks in the mountains of Transylvania with about 200 of our NACD family members from five different countries. We were practically under the shadow of Bran Castle, or what is widely known as Dracula’s castle.

This event was made possible through the efforts of many folks, but particularly little Tudor’s mom, Andreea Dumitru, and Teodora Pop, our NACD Romanian Coordinator.

Andreea’s efforts resulted in the advertising company Blitz TV sponsoring the event and arranging for free rooms and breakfasts for all of the families at the Cheile Gradistei Resort. Without this help many of the families would not have been able to participate.

There were two primary reasons for orchestrating the Transylvania Experience. The first was to provide a venue for an in-person evaluation for the children in the region, particularly Romania and Bulgaria, and the second was to provide an opportunity for the families to spend time together. To varying degrees families with children with developmental and genetic issues find it difficult to integrate their children into many, if not most, social situations. Getting to spend time with other families with similar issues who understand, permitting them to share support, encouragement, and to just be able to relax, accept, and socialize was a great unique experience. Sadly, Romania and the surrounding countries are often not very accepting of many of our children; so it was particularly important to hold this event in Romania.

Our Romania evaluation site, which includes many Bulgarian families, is certainly our most proactive NACD evaluation site, doing everything they can to support each other and to educate other families in their countries about the hope that NACD offers. Our families travel from around the country to participate and share their NACD experience at every possible event that they think might help another family learn about the hope for their children. They understand that NACD’s family-centered approach means that any family in any place in the world is only a call, an email, or a Skype visit away from their coach and evaluator on any day and that they can help their children irrespective of what may or may not exist in their area.

The feedback from the event from the families was outstanding, and everyone wants to repeat it next year, even with the understanding that we may not have funding assistance. At the families request, I have happily committed to coming back again next year (I didn’t have a chance to visit the castle on this trip, so I need another visit to Transylvania) and we will hopefully return to the same spot and show off and share the children’s progress and help generate some new memories to add to those we created this year.

Personally, it was a bit demanding. It took twenty-two hours to get there, arriving in the evening and starting the evaluations first thing the next morning; but it was truly a marvelous experience. These are incredible families! Being able to relax and interact with the families and share meals and a little down time outside of the evaluation process was extremely rewarding. Perhaps some of my greatest memories are of watching the children with issues and all of the typical siblings interacting together as naturally as if they had know each other forever. The typical siblings were amazing to watch. They instinctively knew how and when to help and how to communicate with or just be with a new special needs child they had just met minutes before. Speaking of communication, the majority of the parents spoke English and often an additional language or two, as did the children. I loved all the “Hi Bob”s I heard from so many of the kids who were just learning to talk as they walked in for their evaluations.

We have some hope that other NACD evaluation sites and groups around the country and the world will come together and do more to help build their regional community of NACD families.

Lesson to be learned: We do better as part of a community that shares a common approach, common ambitions, and a belief that the primary responsibility for our children and the best people to help our children are we, the parents. We can make a difference and change the lives and futures of our children.

As always it is an honor and a privilege to be involved with such incredible families and children.

For more photos and a daily journal of Bob’s trip, please visit our Facebook page!

Testimonials from our Romania Attendees

TEODORA POP

I also wanted to write a few words about this experience, but it is so hard to write about everything in a couple of phrases.

For me it was an amazing and different and new experience, even though I am with NACD for 2 years and a half now and I´ve been before to Bucharest to help Bob with translations. This time I also took part in the organisation of the event and it was amazing. Meeting families for the first time, seeing other again and listening to everyone´s story, sharing opinions and advises and being there with Bob during the eval was a HUGE learning experience for me. I am confident that my decision to stay in Romania and dedicate myself to this cause and to the NACD families in Romania was the correct and the best one! I am honored and humbled working with the NACD staff and with all of you here in the Romanian evaluation site!!!

IOANA GRECU

The experience in Cheile Gradistei was beautiful and full of emotions. We waited eagerly for this moment. We couldn’t wait to meet Bob Doman, and the impression of him is a great one. We feel that he is a very good person and very involved in what he is doing. The kindness with which he is looking at the children makes you trust that what he is saying is good for the little ones. The parents are great, full of hope and positive. We left the place trusting in the NACD program and trusting in ourselves as a family that we took the best decision when we joined the program. The landscape helped us to relax and to spend some family quality time. Even though we had to leave earlier than scheduled, the presence of the other kids and parents made the days feel very short and filled with great moments. Thank you for everything!

IOANA RASPOPA

I need to say that we are grateful for a great weekend. Yes it was beautiful, but meeting with Bob (this time Matei was OK and awake comparing to last year) was a huge reinforcement for us. We also got really useful information from Teo and from other parents that gave us courage to push for more changes for Matei.

RALUCA BUSUIOC

You know what the experience at Cheile Gradistei makes me think at? We are thought that from the 3: frequency, intensity and duration, the most important is the intensity. So this experience was not as much duration as is was high intensity! Exactly like in the NACD activities: high intensity, so that you will want more!!! So that it will be forever in your mind and in your heart!

FELICIA TUSLUC

It was a great experience, both because of meeting people with which we share the same vision of recovery and of the joy in our children’s eyes enjoying the fresh air with us and other children like them. Meeting Bob face to face again revived our hope and trust in the complexity of the program and in our capacity to obtain great results.

PAULA SERBAN

For me this experience was revealing! I saw my child with different eyes and my soul was filled with hope. Meeting the other parents was as important, feeling their support and full understanding. To be able to talk with people that totally understand was something that I wished for for a long time. Besides the NACD family it is very difficult to find so much understanding and good advice. Now I feel that I have recharged ‘my batteries’ and we can keep going with so much hope. Thank you so much NACD!

RALUCA MANEA

It was wonderful seeing Bob again and getting to meet old friends that we have known merely in the on line. The children had a great time and loved to make new friends. It was a great time of connecting and reconnecting.

ALEXANDRA ANGHELINA

For us it was a first on multiple levels. Our first evaluation, first time meeting Bob Doman, first contact with a community of this type, first time seeing how a program looks like. So far we are loving everything that we discovered. We start this road filled with trust and extremely motivated to learn how to implement the program correctly.
The experience of meeting other NACD families was a great and interesting one. I can only bow in front of all this people that I got the chance to meet. They are an example worth following.

Thank you so much for this experience. And we cannot wait to see you all next year!

ANGELA HLATCA

For us, the Hlatca family, this year evaluation was another reason for hope and joy: after one year of vacation we finally were able to start the program again. We were happy to see Mr. Bob Doman again and he encouraged us and gave us new hopes for Tudor. This year´s location was a very beautiful one and we felt great there. The evenings were the best, having the opportunity to meet new NACD families and spend time together, to share experiences and to enjoy our beautiful children with which we played a lot. Mr. Bob Doman spent some time with us in the evenings and he is such a warm and very friendly person. A big thank you also for those who organised this very successful event!

Reprinted by permission NACD Newsletter, July 2019 ©NACD

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Perhaps the only thing that feels better for us at NACD than having parents who really get it is seeing the results of them having gotten it.

It’s an incredible honor and privilege to be in a position to help change lives, and it’s so much fun and very fulfilling when we can see the results. You are about to read a mother’s story, sharing about the things she implemented and about being able to enjoy the fruits of her labor. You will be reading about Aidia Brennan, who is on her way to realizing her dreams. In Aidia’s case her dreams largely revolved around her love of singing. As I look at how Aidia is proceeding on her journey and reaching toward her dreams, it reminds me of one of my other “kids,” Jennifer Lindsay.

You might want to read about Jennifer, another one of our home-educated NACD kids, see where she started, and hear her inspiring story. I am delighted to report on where she is today. Jennifer had a really rough beginning, but she developed many talents and created many opportunities for herself, from her work creating the new generation of GPS systems, to her concert violin, to her singing. Jennifer ultimately decided that her real passion was singing opera, and as she has done throughout her life, she applied her superior processing power, focus, will, and the power and influence of her wonderful parents, and has excelled in her chosen vocation. I’m am very happy and proud to announce that Jennifer Lindsay has signed a contract with the Metropolitan Opera Company and will be performing in their upcoming production of the George Gershwin opera Porgy and Bess. I’m sure she will wow the audience, as she has during her performances around the country. Congratulations, Jen! My goal for our children is to help parents put together the pieces so that their children can function well—very well—but also to provide the children with the opportunity to discover their talents and passions and provide the means for their successful pursuit.

Just yesterday I did a Skype evaluation with Aliya, Aidia’s younger sister, who is doing great as a teen and is herself developing her neuro-developmental, educational, and personal pieces and is exploring and discovering her own talents and passions. Fortunately, Aidia was home in Canada for spring break from her college in England, and I had an opportunity to speak with her and catch up a bit.

Speaking with Aidia was a real delight; she is an amazing, mature, well-spoken, confident, respectful, and lovely young lady. Oh, and very talented as well! She really is the epitome of what we would all hope to see in our children as they pursue their goals and aspirations.

Liana and Gary Brennan, proud parents of Aidia and Aliya, congratulations!

Go team Brennan!

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NACD Instilling Independence
by Liana Brennan

NACD has been in our lives for years and in the past, I’ve said that our lives and children’s lives would be quite different without NACD! I appreciate the significance that NACD places on addressing the whole child and the child within the family. Our youngest daughter, Aliya, was first on the program when she was 4 years old and later, we brought our eldest daughter, Aidia, home from the public school and began a program with her in the sixth grade. We continued program and home educating Aidia until her graduation last May. Our NACD journey has been long and we’ve had some trying years but when the successes are achieved it makes it all worth it!

We are part of a large homeschool community with the same activities and opportunities afforded to them as the public schools. Our girls are able to participate in sports activities, yearbook committees, father-daughter dances, prom, and graduation. It is a large formal graduation and Aidia was selected to address the graduating class! One of the major points of her speech was to seize opportunities as they present themselves, embrace the unknown and break out of comfort zones. At this point she was already following her own advice. During her junior year, she began the university decision process and expressed her desire to study overseas.

This from a girl that dislikes change but realizes that in order to grow and succeed change is inevitable.

As parents it’s our responsibility and mission to raise children that are self-sufficient that will make a positive impact on society. As we sent off Aidia to university in England we prayed that we had equipped her with the needed life skills to thrive, not just survive. Thankfully she has adjusted well as she is living her dream! Technology has made it very easy for us to connect daily, either through FaceTime or text. Recently during one of our FaceTime sessions, Aidia thanked me for being strict and having her complete chores! I snickered because her interpretation of strict differs greatly from mine. I also wished I had a tape recorder handy to preserve her comment. Apparently, most of the other students are not self-sufficient which is causing them a multitude of stressors and health issues on top of the rigors of university. In November she shared that most the students had already depleted their student loan funds that were to sustain them through December. Huge contributing factors are the inability to cook or prepare meals, laundry and manage their personal finances. There are no meal plans in the United Kingdom like there are at most American Universities. They were eating out most nights and then with the realization that their funds were dwindling they begin to eat inexpensive fast food that was not sustaining them and they were falling ill. Aidia was cooking one night for one of the girls in an attempt to teach her some cooking skills. Aidia asked if her parents had not been interested or willing to teach her how to cook. The student shared her mother had attempted but she was more absorbed with her phone and her mother would get frustrated and end up preparing the whole meal. Aidia’s reply, “yeah, that wouldn’t fly in our home.” Aidia has the title of “mom” as she’s the one they turn to for life skills advice. Most days when we are on FaceTime there is a knock at her door with someone needing some assistance or advice.

During one of our FaceTime sessions Aidia said that she thought she would miss us more than she did and as I was recovering from her comment and from having the wind knocked out of me, thankfully she elaborated. She stated that she did miss us because we have fun; we enjoy each other’s company and our family game nights. A majority of the other students were homesick but not because they missed spending time with the family but for what their parents could and would do for them which is very sad.

We began instilling life skills and independence at a young age. When the girls were quite young, I designated two lower cabinets in the kitchen for plastic bowls, plates, cups and wooden tongs. Plus, all the snack and breakfast items that they could prepare themselves. I also kept a low stool in the kitchen to assist them in reaching the sink. I stored homemade granola in a small container with a flip-top lid and a scoop. It was much easier to handle than a large container. I kept the dairy-free milk and in a small container on the lower shelf in the refrigerator. This way they could prepare their breakfast themselves by placing a couple of scoops of granola in a bowl, wash up some blueberries and top it off with dairy-free milk. Using smaller containers made it easier to handle and if there was an “accident” there was a lot less clean up. I also placed items in the fridge on the lower shelves. To protect them from burns I purchased wooden tongs to use if they toasted some gluten-free bread. They were so happy they could make themselves breakfast and snacks and it promoted independence and confidence.

Both girls had “chores” on their programs. During an evaluation early on, Bob reviewed our chore chart and stated that their chores were a little “light” and we needed to increase their responsibility. I was excited that I had Bob’s encouragement to ramp up their chores. As they matured, we required more from them. It takes patience and a little extra time but the payoff is worth it. We have lots of memories and laughs as we recall eggs rolling off the counter (which happened more than once), or too much of an ingredient like salt or a spice as a recipe was miss read or the ingredient came out too fast, or an omission of an ingredient altogether! Some things that we included on their chore charts as they matured was preparing the family meal twice a week – planning – cooking and clean up, loading and unloading dishwasher, being responsible for their own laundry, feeding, walking and cleaning up after the dog, making their bed daily and maintaining their own room, cleaning bathrooms, dusting and vacuuming to name a few.

Their chores were their own responsibility and they needed to own them, and I did not want to hound or remind them daily. To remove myself from monitoring their chores I placed a chore chart for each girl in an acetate sleeve. Each chart was pushed pinned to a cork board on the kitchen wall with a dry erase marker (washable dry erase marker when younger). They passed the charts daily and it was up to them to check off the chores that were complete. They walked by the chart every time they entered and exited the kitchen so there was visual of what was complete and what still outstanding. If the chores were not complete there were consequences. At the beginning of the next week the acetate was wiped down and the new week began. This system worked wonderfully.

Aidia recently displayed her independence and willingness to jump all over the fear of the unknown and submit for a wonderful opportunity that produced a once in a lifetime experience! Aidia is pursuing a BA honors degree in Musical Theatre and has been inspired by Ramin Karimloo, a Musical Theatre performer, since she was eleven. Ramin has been performing on Broadway and West End for years and has portrayed Phantom in Phantom of the Opera, Jean Val Jean in Les Misérables and Anastasia to name a few. In July, he announced his UK tour. When not performing on Broadway or West End he travels with his band and performs songs from his musicals and other songs that he puts his own “spin” on. Aidia was so excited to hear that Ramin would be performing in Shrewsbury, England where is attending University! Right then and there she purchased a ticket. It didn’t concern her that she would be attending on her own, she was ecstatic that she would see him live! Unfortunately, she has not had the opportunity to see him perform live so this was a fantastic opportunity.

Aidia follows Ramin on social media and on Christmas day he posted that he would like to showcase local talent at the venues on his tour and if interested, and local to the venue, to submit media showcasing their talent. Aidia jumped on the opportunity and Christmas night she sent in various videos of her singing and playing guitar. When she headed back to Shrewsbury after Christmas early on the Jan 3^rd Aidia had not had a response so assumed she wasn’t selected. Upon landing on one of her layovers she checked her email and there was a personal email from Ramin informing her she was selected to open for him! We were so thrilled and excited for her! Ramin even introduced her!! Not many folks are able to say that they have met their inspiration let alone open for them! We were so proud of her and her performance.

Another way that NACD has impacted Aidia’s life is through the Simply Smarter program. Recently an industry leader came in to do a workshop with the students. One of the activities was a series of patterns. I may not have the activity exactly correct but the idea was that they were to stand in a circle and each student had a series of tasks to do simultaneously with the other students. They were to pass a ball to a certain student, speak a word or phrase, then walk to another student to pass the ball, speak another word and continue this pattern while everyone else was doing their own pattern. It was apparently quite chaotic and yet Aidia was able to remember her pattern and in some cases had to retrieve the ball from the student she was receiving it from because they were confused or forgot the pattern. At the end of the session the instructor inquired if Aidia had done this activity before because he had never had anyone complete the pattern successfully before and assumed she must be familiar with the activity. When she stated she had not he was amazed that she had managed to remember the patterns. Her response, “NACD’s Simply Smarter!” This was a great example of how higher processing can build memory assisting in academic and career growth. Aidia is often required to learn songs and dances in short periods of time. Higher processing will be a huge asset in her chosen field.

Through the years many of our days have been long and exhausting. On some of these days it would have been easy to allow the chores to slip, to address the laundry and cooking ourselves in order to shorten our day but at what expense? I can remember a particularly exhausting day when Aliya had pushed back and been defiant and argumentative. It was dinnertime and we had just completed program. Her father had just arrived home as Aliya began her chores. She proceeded to Swiffer the living room and saw her Dad on the sofa and stated, “I don’t know why I have to sweep when Dad is over there having the time of his life.” As you can imagine after a long day that remark just about sent me over the edge. After reprimanding her for her comment I explained that her situation was a result of the choices she made during the day, which meant she was now having to complete chores well into the evening. Thankfully these days are a thing of the past, but had we not persevered we would still be living these days. Currently, Aliya accomplishes her chores without complaint and enjoys meal preparation.

We recently relocated internationally and Aliya has adjusted well. She experienced some anxiety but with the tools she learned through NACD she has settled in fine. Aliya is meeting new people and is playing drums for her youth band at church. The church recently had a big event in which she played for the evening and afterward families sought her out to tell her what a great job she did and that they loved that she was a female drummer. She continues to take lessons and is progressing well. I believe that Simply Smarter has been a contributing factor to her progress.

We are so thankful to NACD and their desire to provide us with the instruction to allow our children to reach their full potential. As parents, we must be willing to let our children experience life but equip them with the tools to be independent and successful so they may pursue their dreams without any additional stressors.

Reprinted by permission of The NACD Foundation, Volume 32 No. 4, 2019 ©NACD

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I know a boy. He is a very smart, fun, engaging boy. From the outside you would think this kid has lots of friends, is very social, the class clown, etc. But at home just calling a friend to go do something is a very big feat. The act of calling a friend, or even texting them, to go do something creates stress. He is so afraid of being turned down that he would just rather avoid the task, even if that means not going to a movie or going to do something fun with a friend. I noticed this about three years ago when I knew in my heart he wanted to go sledding with someone, not just his baby sister. However, he literally cried hysterically about having to call his friend. I persisted (debating in my head whether or not this was right—knowing that “Mother of the Year” was not an award I was going to win). He finally called his friend, who said yes, and they went sledding together and had a blast. He had a smile from ear to ear. Did the act of calling the friend create a lot of anxiety? Yes! But as his mother, pushing him out of his comfort zone was needed in order for him to understand that he had friends who actually wanted to be with him. Can you relate? Is it easier to just let our kids avoid things that in their eyes are hard to do, whether it be doing a chore, doing a reading assignment, or even learning how to brush their own teeth? Yes. Is it easier to let our kids avoid doing school work or avoid going to dance class or avoid going to Scouts because it is out of their comfort zone, or even worse– having to deal with an absolute tantrum or fight so we let them win? Absolutely. But when does letting avoidance patterns work become too harmful for them? Are we teaching them anything here? If avoidance behavior is a hallmark for anxiety, how can we as parents assist our children in addressing stressful situations so that they can persevere through life’s challenges?

What Is Avoidance Behavior?

Avoidance behavior is when a child sidesteps a person, place, task, or situation that makes them feel anxious or uncomfortable. In the moment it brings relief, so the brain learns to repeat it. Over time that relief becomes a habit, and the list of things a child avoids tends to grow rather than shrink. Recognizing avoidance early gives parents the best chance to help a child face challenges in a calm, successful way.

Common Signs of Avoidance Behavior in Children

Avoidance can look different from one child to the next. Some common signs include:

• Refusing or stalling on tasks that feel hard, such as homework, chores, or getting dressed
• Big emotional reactions (tears, tantrums, or shutting down) when asked to try something new
• Making excuses to skip social situations like calling a friend, going to class, or joining an activity
• Complaints of stomachaches or headaches before a feared event
• Sticking only to activities that feel safe and familiar

Spotting these patterns is the first step toward helping your child move through them.

According to Dr. Alice Boyes, Ph.D. (2013), avoidance coping (behavior) is the most important factor in anxiety and causes it to snowball. She believes that people avoid situations that may cause some of the feelings you get when you are stressed; however, if you keep avoiding those situations, this can lead to more debilitating anxiety levels. It is important to understand that all people experience stress. It is not uncommon for the human brain to engage in the process of fight or flight when it is introduced to something stressful. “While avoidance behaviors might give kids some immediate symptom relief, they don’t help them learn to cope with their triggers. In fact, the fears actually have a tendency to snowball when kids engage in avoidance behaviors” (Hurley, 2016).

It is also very important to understand that each child and brain is unique and what stresses one kid out may not the next. NACD has experienced that how we react to our children and how we provide them with the right instruction in the correct manner, along with building the neurodevelopmental pieces, allows our children to handle stress much more easily. In an upcoming article, I will discuss the significance working memory plays in handling stress and anxiety. But for now, I would suggest to parents that you try to sit back and look at your children and evaluate their behavior patterns. Do they avoid? Do they freak out when they need to do something that is within their ability to do? How do you react? If it is something that may be difficult in their eyes, we encourage parents to break down the task into smaller parts or have them do a particular task for a set amount of time that allows them to be successful, then gradually increase the duration. When you are wanting to teach something to your child, it is important that you have a calm, confident, and positive demeanor. When teaching your anxious child to ride their bike, for example, letting them know that they can do it and that you are with them and that you know that this is something that they can do is significant. How you talk to them, your demeanor, matters. Setting a timer then stopping and doing it again with frequency (not once a week but several times a day) can help decrease their anxiety and build up their confidence to do the skill. With some children, video modeling of a certain scenario can be effective. For example, if going to the dentist causes your child a lot of anxiety, making a video of going to the dentist so that the child can get a positive image in their minds of that experience can help decrease that fear. This is a common example of exposure therapy that has been used to address anxiety for many years. Avoidance behavior patterns can start at a very early age. If they aren’t addressed early, the behavior patterns can become stronger and generalize into all areas of a child’s life—to a point where they shut down completely. That is why it is important to be mindful of them and help your child face their fears in a successful way.

Is your child confident? In our experience, one reason kids can struggle with avoidance behavior, which can lead to anxiety, is that they are too afraid to fail—and parents don’t let them. Failure is a part of growing up. It is a part of learning. When I was younger, I remember ruining a bunch of whites in a load of laundry because I had a red sock in the mix. I didn’t pay attention when sorting and that was the consequence. I failed with that particular load of laundry. Did the sky cave in? No. Did my mom ground me for a month? No. Did I learn a valuable lesson in how do to the laundry? Yes. My mom didn’t take over that job. She just said to pay better attention, and I had to go without those white shirts that I ruined. In order to help our children become confident, developing independence with daily living skills, including self-help and chores, is very important. A very common scenario—a kid attempts to pour their juice, it spills, and the parent cleans it up and doesn’t let them do it again because it makes a mess. Another kid isn’t allowed to load the dishwasher for fear that he may break something. Parents, caregivers, teachers of young ones, do not be a roadblock for your child’s independence. Independence brings so much to their global mental health and function. Develop it, build it, help them realize that failure happens and that it is ok. These things, no matter what age or developmental issues your child may have, are huge for addressing or preventing avoidance behavior and anxiety later on.

Bob Doman (2013), founder and director of NACD, wrote a blog post several years ago about Herculean tasks:

“One of the great opportunities our children can have and lessons they can learn is to be presented with and accomplish Herculean tasks. Herculean tasks help your children learn what they can do if they really try. They teach them to look at a task that they think is impossible and to learn that they can really do it. As parents you should be on the alert for tasks that appear to be Herculean. The ideal Herculean tasks are those that look huge and to the child seem impossible, but which are doable, although they may take a whole lot of time and effort. The child who is used to 5-minute chores might perceive shoveling a driveway covered in a foot of snow, a yard covered in leaves to rake, an entire vegetable garden to weed, a stack of logs to move, or washing all the windows in the house all as Herculean/impossible tasks. But they are not impossible; they are possible if they try. Completion of Herculean tasks provides children with an opportunity to redefine themselves, to change their perception of what is possible, and to learn that if they try, they can in fact do it. The child who learns they can do Herculean tasks will continue raising the bar on their perception of what they can do and will learn to attack new tasks with the intention of succeeding–not just trying, not just making an effort, not just going through the motions, but having the intention of accomplishing the task. The child who learns they can do Herculean tasks won’t shut down when presented with the task of writing a twenty-page report, reading a 500-page book, learning all of the bones in the body, or pushing to take another tenth of a second off their 100-yard dash.”

A Neurodevelopmental Look at Anxiety and Avoidance

At NACD we look at the whole child. Avoidance behavior rarely stands alone. It often connects to how a child processes information, holds instructions in working memory, or manages sensory input. When we strengthen those underlying pieces, facing a hard task becomes less overwhelming, and avoidance has less room to take hold. This is why two children with the same fear may need very different support. Families navigating ADD/ADHD, the autism spectrum, or everyday anxiety all benefit from a plan built around their own child.

If you would like individualized help, join our free Get Started program and NACD will help you build a plan tailored to your child.

In conclusion, NACD understands that being a parent takes hard work. Being a parent of a child who is anxious requires patience and positive persistence and understanding! It is important to understand what avoidance behavior is and how to address it with your own unique child. We also understand that there are many contributors to a child’s avoidance behavior and to varying degrees. NACD believes in looking at “whole” kids. The more individualized we can be with understanding a child’s behavior patterns, the more confident parents can feel in how to help their child. Helping our children become more independent can also increase their self-esteem, helping them to become more confident individuals. In my next article, I will discuss another significant piece to understanding anxiety—working memory. Stay tuned!

References

• Boyes, A., Ph.D. (2013, March 5). Why Avoidance Coping is the Most Important Factor in Anxiety. Retrieved April 5, 2019, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/in-practice/201303/why-avoidance-coping-is-the-most-important-factor-in-anxiety
• Doman, R. J. (2013, February 01). Waiting for Hercules. Retrieved April 8, 2019, from https://blog.nacd.org/2013/01/waiting-for-hercules/
• Hurley, K., LCSW. (2016, February 3). How to Help Your Anxious Kid Avoid Avoidance Behaviors. Retrieved April 5, 2019, from http://practicalkatie.com/2016/02/03/how-to-help-your-anxious-kid-avoid-avoidance-behaviors/

Frequently Asked Questions

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We have all heard it a thousand times: eating better, sleeping better, getting physical exercise helps our overall health. While this is something that our NACD families in general are very conscious about with their children with developmental issues, it is not uncommon to hear that those rules don’t really apply to everyone in the family. Let’s face it, it is easier to be more lenient on our neurotypical kids or ourselves, but does that help everyone in the long run? It is important to really get serious across the board about our overall physical health in the family, as that impacts our mental health significantly.

Sleep is such an important part of one’s life. According to the National Sleep Foundation, children ages 6-13 years old need 9-11 hours of sleep each night to be at their best. Teenagers ages 14-17 need 8-10 hours of sleep to be at their best, and adults should have between 7-9 hours of sleep per night. This is good, quality sleep! Not being in bed on your smartphone scrolling, but actually ASLEEP! Unfortunately for most teens, their biological clocks shift during that stage, where they tend to have more energy at night, increasing the desire to stay up later and sleep in longer. If your children are like mine, they start school at 7:20. They are up and out of the house before 7am. This can leave them already sleep deprived as they aren’t always ready to fall asleep by 10pm the night before. A study from the British Medical Journal in 2015 researched the effects of screen time and lack of sleep in a substantial sample of adolescents, over 9000. They found that the more screen time the subjects engaged in each day, the longer it took for them to fall asleep. If they had four or more hours of screen time per day, they were 360% more likely to have less than five hours of sleep a night and 49% more likely to take over an hour to fall asleep (Hysing, M. et al, 2015). When our brains are tired, mental health issues such as depression and anxiety increase. We are not able to think as clearly and have more difficulty handling stress than when in a rested state. NACD recommends consistent nighttime bed routines starting when children are little, such as no screens in the bedrooms, and devices are to stay with parents. We suggest having at least an hour to an hour and a half of no screens prior going to bed. We also encourage very dark rooms (blackout shades or curtains) and white noise to help facilitate a good night’s rest.

I hear many times “my kid has a balanced diet; they eat some of everything every day.” But how much of those foods happen to be processed? Have extra or hidden sugars? Artificial ingredients? More and more research on the foods we eat are targeting how they impact our mental health. “In recent years, a direct relation between the occurrence of anxiety disorders, sleep disturbances, and mood disorders has been observed as a consequence of poor or inadequate diet. Eating habits in Western societies have greatly changed in recent decades, with an increase in the consumption of foods low in vitamin and mineral content, high in caloric value, and rapidly prepared and easily consumed.” (Fernandez-Rodriguez, M., et al., 2017) There is a direct interrelationship between physiological health and neurological function. NACD has known this since its inception in the ‘70s. Time and time again our clients have shown that those who eat better function better. In general, diets rich in plant based foods, healthy fats (in the form of plants, nuts, seeds, and fatty fish like salmon), and lean meats are far superior in promoting mental function. In contrast, diets high in sugar, dairy, breads, and processed foods have been shown to be related to depression, chronic inflammation, and anxiety. This isn’t just for adults! According to Natalie Kling, a Certified Clinical Nutritionist from NACD’s Professional Advisory Committee, “the human body is always moving towards homeostasis, or perfect balance. When a body is out of balance, we see or experience symptoms (physical AND mental). We can soothe symptoms by giving the body the interior environment it needs to return to balance. Rest, hydration, oxygen, nutrients, detoxification, and a healthy and loving environment provide the ingredients the body needs to repair, regenerate, and reorganize. In contrast, when we introduce processed foods, sugar, not enough sleep, chemicals, environmental toxins, or stress, we push the body out of balance and create obstacles to the body’s ability to thrive.”

Personally, I have noticed a great difference in my son’s “teenager attitude” when he doesn’t eat these foods. When his diet is clean, whole food based, there is a positive difference. Often times I see parents eating healthy, but their kids are eating foods loaded with sugar and the “bad stuff” because “they’re kids.” NACD suggests to parents to develop a palate for healthy food with their children in infancy. NACD recommends to our families to work with one of our nutritionists if you need help in getting started. Natalie Kling, who also happens to be an NACD mom, has suggested that parents can start by just focusing on getting more vegetables into your kids. Smoothies (without added sugars and dairy), homemade sauces, etc., are ways to start that process. If you are a new parent with young children, keep their diets high in plant-based foods so that they develop a taste for it. If you are a parent with a picky eater, they don’t have to be. By giving the brain and body the correct fuel it needs, this can help to improve your child’s physical AND mental health as well.

Many children and adults struggle with anxiety due to lack of physical exercise. If we sit back and look at our lives today, we lead more sedentary lifestyles. We watch our TVs, screens, sit and scroll through our phones, many of us work all day at a desk, and many of our children are in school for 6+ hours (sitting for a huge chunk of that), many without daily physical exercise. According to the US Department of Health and Human Services (2018), children ages 3-5 years of age should engage in at least 3 hours of physical activity with varying degrees of intensity. Children ages 6-17 should engage in moderate to vigorous physical activity (aerobic, muscle, and bone strengthening) for 60 minutes DAILY. Adults should have a similar amount. Do you get that? Do your children? Exercise stimulates endorphins in your brain that allow for improved executive function, attention, and mood. Essentially, it allows you to handle stress better and not let it handle you. NACD recommends families make an effort to include physical exercise as part of your day. Schedule it in. In fact, on some of our programs we will write screen time = chore time = exercise time. For my children, the screens, homework, and chores don’t happen after school until physical exercise does. It might be going to the gym or doing an online video. Sometimes it is going for a run or even a fast walk. Snow or sun, we make it a priority.

In conclusion, it is important that as parents we really understand how significant lack of sleep, poor diets, and lack of physical exercise impacts our children’s physical and mental health. They work together, impacting one another. NACD looks at the whole child and sees this as a huge piece to impacting the global mental function of a child.

Reprinted by permission of The NACD Foundation, Volume 32 No. 1, 2019 ©NACD

References

Fernández-Rodríguez, M., Rodríguez-Legorburu, I., & López-Ibor Alcocer, M. I. (2017). Nutritional supplements in anxiety disorder. Actas Espanolas De Psiquiatria, 45(Supplement), 1.

Hysing, M., Pallesen, S., Stormark, K. M., Jakobsen, R., Lundervold, A. J., & Sivertsen, B. (2015). Sleep and use of electronic devices in adolescence: Results from a large population-based study. BMJ Open, 5(1), e006748-e006748. doi:10.1136/bmjopen-2014-006748

How Much Sleep Do We Really Need? (2019). Retrieved February 5, 2019, from https://www.sleepfoundation.org/excessive-sleepiness/support/how-much-sleep-do-we-really-need

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Physical Activity Guidelines for Americans, 2nd edition. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services; 2018.

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