The Simply Smarter® program is built upon the foundation of neuroplasticity, utilizing the science of targeted input, frequency, intensity, and duration.

Targeted

The program constantly modifies itself to keep you right at the sweet spot, the spot that is targeted for you to achieve maximum benefit.

Frequency

To take advantage of neuroplasticity, we need to keep triggering the firing of neurons and reinforcing neural networks. Everyone is encouraged to use the program once or twice a day and preferably four or more days a week.

Intensity

This is an incredibly important piece. The importance of intensity cannot be overstated. How you or your child approach every session is going to determine how much the program impacts, changes, and develops the brain. Just doing it isn’t enough; you must do it with real intensity and with intention. Every activity is very short. It was designed that way so that you could create and maintain maximum attention and intensity for the seconds needed to complete each piece that you are asked to process, to watch, or listen to. Approach every sequence of every activity with the intention of remembering it, of nailing it!

If your children are using the program, sit with them, if you can, and cheer them on. The program has built-in rewards and acknowledgement, but a parent’s power is much greater, and we encourage you to provide very meaningful, big rewards for new high scores or higher digit spans. These changes can be life changing, treat them as such.

We realize that it’s not reasonable for many parents to sit in while their child does Simply Smarter®, so we have built in the means to send email and text alerts so that Mom, Dad, grandparents, coaches, whoever will know when the child did well; and each can provide their own congratulations, making every step forward all that more meaningful. Dad coming home from work and immediately acknowledging Johnny’s new high score or a call from Grandma can be very powerful.

For adults be honest with yourselves. Sitting down with good energy, intensity, and with the intention of knocking it out of the park each time is difficult. You are not only allowed but encouraged to set up your own rewards program—rewards for all new high scores. Set digit span and processing power goals, and when you hit it, reward it. It’s only your life and future that you are changing!

Duration

To change the brain, we need to keep causing those networks of brain cells to keep firing together. The longer we do it, the greater the change. Keep in mind that generally without specific intervention the development of processing, short-term memory and working memory, slows virtually to a halt at about seven years of age, creeps a tiny bit forward from then until we are in our twenties, and then usually begins a slow decline that continues throughout our life unless we target it, address it, and build it!

Simply Smarter® is an invaluable tool that has the potential to change the lives of your children, your parents, and yourselves.

Reprinted by permission of The NACD Foundation, Volume 33 No. 7, 2020 ©NACD

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These COVID-19 Coronavirus times have certainly turned many of our worlds upside down. We now virtually have a world full of homeschoolers; more parents are at home with their children than at any time in the history of the world. Exceptional times and exceptional circumstances can also result in exceptional opportunities. Many of us are rediscovering and redefining basic things like family, work, school, and our relationship to institutions and society. I would like to talk with you about redefining potential and intellect and how while you are all at home, you have the potential to change the lives of every member of the family.

I would like to share a personal story. I grew up in a family of pioneers in human development. My father, a physician, and my uncle, a physical therapist in the ‘50s, worked with brain injured children and discovered that with the proper stimulation, healthy parts of the brain could learn to carry out the functions of damaged areas of the brain. This was ground breaking work that was originally seen as heretical, but is now after decades universally accepted. Changing perceptions is not an easy task, as I can certainly attest to after fifty years of trying to do it.

When I started studying psychology in the sixties, I had a tremendous advantage over others studying and working in the field. I came to understand that all development was possible through this amazing mechanism called neuroplasticity. If you understood neuroplasticity, development was no longer such a great mystery. The brain changed and developed as a reflection of specific stimulation, not because it just got older. Armed with this understanding, I looked at the brain as dynamic, changing, and most significantly, as changeable.

One area of early interest for me was learning and memory. At that time it was just beginning to be understood that there were various components of memory. Memory was being broken down into short-term memory, working memory, and long-term memory. The focus was on testing it and looking for correlations between these pieces and how people learned and functioned. At that time and for decades, the worlds of psychology and education did not have a perception that you could actually help develop or change memory; and even today, they are not really working to do that. My perception, based on an understanding of neuroplasticity, was that these components of memory didn’t just pop up as adult abilities, but they developed; and what developed changed; and what changed was changeable. I set out to understand all of these pieces and to find ways to change, develop, and accelerate that development.

Decades later I am proud to say that we have developed a great understanding of all of these foundational pieces that we now lump together and refer to as “processing.” Armed with this knowledge and the tools we have developed, we have helped change many thousands of lives. Improving these pieces of auditory and visual short-term memory and working memory is quite simply making people smarter. From our first software that ran on a Commodore Pet computer with a cassette drive in the early eighties, to the Brain Builder software in the nineties, to the present online Simply Smarter program and many dozens of one-to-one activities, we are working to change lives. From brain damaged individuals to those on the autism spectrum, to those with learning and attention issues, to typical children and adults, we can build all of these foundational pieces of memory that literally have the potential to make everyone smarter.

At NACD we work with “whole children,” designing home based comprehensive programs that address everything from a child’s sleep and behavior to how they walk and do algebra, including innovative comprehensive homeschool/home-based educational programs. But there is something that in one way or another is on every child’s program, and that is processing activities.

We are fortunate that we can work via Skype with any family in the world who has Internet access and give them the tools designed to develop and improve their brains. Today everyone doesn’t need to come to NACD to work on their processing. You can take advantage of this expertise and go online and in about fifteen minutes a day put together the pieces that can help you and your children work to become smarter. The tool that is available to you is our Simply Smarter program, a tool that your children can use all by themselves!

Let me help you understand what this all really is and what it can mean for you and your family.

What is “smart?” Can you define it? Do you think you would like your kids to be smarter? How about you?

You can define “smart,” possibly, but even more so, you probably know it when you see it. Smart has to do with being present, being aware, being able to take in and process a lot of information, being able to manipulate that information, think with complexity, put ideas together, focus, and communicate.

Smart doesn’t necessarily mean knowing that the capitol Nevada is Carson City, or that Sir Walter Raleigh was beheaded, or that the First World War ended on November 11, 1918, or what your bile duct does, or that “or” is a conjunction. But smart does mean that you are more likely to find such things interesting and you can learn them more easily than most. Knowing “stuff” doesn’t make you smart. (You are going to actually forget most “stuff” unless you are smart enough to make associations and connections between “stuff” and use it.) And smarter also means that it’s easier to understand and learn everything.

What is the foundation of “smart?”

The foundation of smart is the ability to process and take in a lot of information that you see and hear and to manipulate that information and think.

The more you can process and take in what there is to be heard, the stronger your auditory short-term memory. Your auditory short-term memory provides the fuel for the development of your auditory working memory, which is how many pieces or words you can hold together and manipulate, which equals your complexity of thought, or “smart.” How many pieces of visual information you process from what you see, whether from observation of your world or from reading, relates to your visual short-term memory; and as with auditory processing, your visual short-term memory provides the pieces you use to create your visual working memory and visual-spatial abilities. These fundamental, foundational pieces ultimately determine how much information you take in and use, which translates to how much knowledge you gain and your complexity of thought. All this equals “smart.”

How does processing “smart” develop?

Processing develops primarily from birth to about seven years. The rate and degree it develops is a reflection of the targeted stimulation and opportunities that you receive. In general the more quality one-to-one interaction between a child and an involved adult, the faster and the further it develops. The more enriching the environment, the faster and the further it develops. With specific targeted input designed to build processing skills, processing not only can be accelerated, it can be developed to superior levels.

When does the development of processing abilities stop?

Without specific intervention, the development of processing abilities almost comes to a halt at about seven years of age. From seven into our twenties, it typically develops perhaps another ten to fifteen percent; and after our twenties, without specific intervention it goes into a slow decline. You can continue to learn more, but your ability to do so declines, as does your ability to manipulate the information. As you continue to learn, you can become wiser, but not necessarily smarter, unless you are stretching your processing through complex cognitive activities or actively working to preserve or develop it.

How can you build processing ability and get smarter?

Everyone, from infant to geriatric, with input that is targeted to them, can incrementally build and improve processing ability and get smarter. We at NACD have been developing methodologies and improving processing abilities for the full spectrum of children and adults for over forty years. NACD designs specific processing programs for families who are members of NACD and who wish to utilize comprehensive developmental and educational programs designed so that they can be implemented in the home by parents and caregivers. But as mentioned earlier, NACD also has developed a very comprehensive targeted program for all children five years old and older and for adults up to and including seniors—Simply Smarter.

What is Simply Smarter?

The Simply Smarter program is a dynamic online system that constantly develops and modifies itself, adapting to the individual user to help produce maximum change. Specific activities work progressively to address focus, attention, intensity, auditory and visual short-term and working memory, visualization, conceptualization, and visual-spatial abilities, all of the pieces that help make everyone learn, think, and function better. The program first assesses your baseline and then builds from there, tracking and graphing progress. It has the capability of adjusting from basic levels of a child to levels of incredible function.

What can you do with children under five?

Children at or functioning under five years of age generally need specific one-on-one activities that are designed as part of NACD’s individualized programs. But in addition children from toddlers to five years old can use NACD’s Cognition Coach apps to build processing skills.

How long does it take to get smarter?

With motivation and consistent use, measurable changes can occur in a couple of weeks; and with continued use of Simply Smarter, virtually unlimited improvements are possible. Over the course of the present lockdown, you have the potential to produce a significant change.

Who has used Simply Smarter and what have the results been?

The range of those who have used NACD’s processing activities and Simply Smarter is as broad as the population. NACD’s Simply Smarter and other processing programs have been used by thousands of typical and gifted children and adults, those with learning and attention issues, as well as those with significant developmental issues such as autism spectrum disorder, Down syndrome, and brain injuries. Most everyone working on our comprehensive home based programs not only knows about processing, but is actively working on processing every day and understands the correlation between their child’s processing and global function and abilities. We have seen exceptional changes along the path of many thousands of children’s development and are continually heartened as we see their potential being redefined. Processing is a huge key to success and potential.

Please take this opportunity to change your child’s life trajectory. My mission in life has been to help change the perception of potential and to help develop the tools to do it. Today with more parents and children at home than ever before, I see this as a unique chance to change many lives and potentially change the perception of what can be.

To read an incredible testimonial from a couple about Simply Smarter and see what incredible things even a child can do, please read the following article and watch the video.

Reprinted by permission of The NACD Foundation, Volume 33 No. 4, 2020 ©NACD

The post My Greatest Discovery – How to Make Everyone Smarter appeared first on NACD International | The National Association for Child Development.

You say nice things –I like you!

You’re fun to be around!

You think I’m good-you like me!

I’ll be good for you and try hard!

You just say ugly things to me!

You think I’m bad and dumb—then I’ll be bad and dumb!

Simple statements: The more positive you are with a child, the more they will like you, respect you, and work to please you, because they will feel better about themselves when they are with you. What we and others say to them forms their self image. We tell them who they are.

Good quality positive feedback develops positive attitudes, good self-image, and it motivates. Providing quality feedback is not necessarily easy nor does it come naturally to many of us. Please see my article Feedback Part 1 to get a better picture of what good quality feedback needs to be.

The more problems and issues a child has, the fewer obvious opportunities there may be to give them positive feedback; but the more problems and issues they have, the more they need positive feedback.

Most children who are high functioning and doing well receive lots of positive feedback. Every good grade on a test provides positive feedback; if they made a basket or scored a goal, they receive positive feedback; if they look nice, they receive positive feedback; if they have friends, they receive positive feedback. High functioning children tend to do well socially and have friends and positive social relationships—all things that provide positive feedback and, in turn, motivate and encourage the child to try more and do more. If you do a lot of things well, you receive a lot of positive feedback, generally feel pretty good about yourself, and on the occasion when you receive criticism, you accept it, learn from it, and are better for it.

Children who do not do well academically or in sports or socially tend to receive very little positive feedback. Their life is often filled with poor grades and failures in many, if not most, of the things they do. On the occasion when they receive positive feedback, they don’t believe it; and when they receive negative feedback/attention, it’s an affirmation that they are “dumb” or “bad” or whatever.

The children who receive the least positive feedback are the ones who need it the most.

Who children think they are is primarily a reflection of the feedback they receive. The feedback they receive determines how they define themselves.

Giving children real, true, and positive feedback is imperative.

One very important way to help every child is to create a positive environment for them. A positive environment helps motivate them, helps them develop a positive self-image, and it provides you the parent, caregiver, coach, or teacher with power to influence them in a positive way.

I define a positive environment as one that has a ratio of four positives to every one negative. The ratio of 4:1 is strong enough on the positive side to provide all the benefits of a positive environment, but also provides the opportunity for constructive criticism or feedback to extinguish unwanted behaviors and make corrections.

Think of a common scenario involving a child with a developmental, learning, or behavior problem or combination of all three. Typically such a child may live in a world where they receive only one positive to every four negatives. The sad reality is that for many such children that ratio is 1:10 or more, much more. Imagine their life–they are doing math and they hear, “That one is wrong. So is this one and that one and…”

When they are reading, for every word missed they hear, “Wrong!” and every word read correctly gets ignored. They play appropriately by themselves and get ignored. Then they poke their sister, who squeals, and they get a quick sharp, intense response from Mom. This is their day. Do something right—minimal or no feedback; do something wrong, and you are “bad” and “dumb” at math, reading, and even playing, or simply just “bad” and ”dumb.”

When balanced, negative comments and reactions generally have a significantly stronger impact on us than do most positives. Also, most negative responses are delivered with greater intensity than positives, thus the need for the ratio of 4:1 positives to negatives to create a good positive environment.

Parents, caregivers, and teachers need to learn how to find the opportunities for positive feedback. Mark and comment on everything that is right; don’t emphasize what is wrong, comment and emphasize what is right. Take note of those things that are wrong and come back and teach them. For children with behavior issues, catch them being good and let them know it. Perceive the struggling child as a child with the potential to do well, and work to help them develop that new perception.

We change the brain through the neuroplasticity fundamentals of frequency, intensity, and duration. It’s important to understand that neuroplasticity is how the brain changes and develops. Consistent positive input/feedback helps produce positive outcomes–motivation, good intentions, good self-image, and happy children. Consistent negative input/feedback creates negative self-image, poor attitudes, and unhappy children and helps produce negative outcomes. Negatives impact the brain, and if delivered with sufficient frequency, intensity, and duration, we do change the brain, building negative perceptions and making the brain more receptive to interpreting even positive comments as negatives.

Creating a positive world for your child goes a long way toward gaining their attention and cooperation and toward developing the strengths and abilities that you want to foster.

Your goal: four positives to every negative.

Reprinted by permission of The NACD Foundation, Volume 33 No. 3, 2020 ©NACD

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by Bob Doman

Was that right or wrong?

Did I do well or not?

Was that important or not?

Does getting it right matter, and if so how much?

Should I care—do I care?

Is it fun?

Do I like this and want to do it again?

Am I good at this?

Am I smart or dumb?

Most children’s answers to these questions are based on the feedback they receive. It’s not the actual performance at the moment that counts; it’s the response they get from it.

Your children, regardless of level of function, are reacting, changing, and developing based on how targeted the input, the frequency, intensity, and duration of the input, and the feedback they receive or not. Most children’s direction and rate of development can be significantly, if not dramatically, altered based on the feedback they receive.

At NACD we are fortunate to have a Portal upon which our families post videos that show how children’s programs are being implemented, and also how the children are functioning. One of the things we watch for on these videos is the feedback that the children receive and the general tone of the session. Inevitably we see a correlation between the quality and consistency of feedback and the rate of development of the child.

One glaring area where the feedback, or lack of, is easily seen is when we see a video of family or caregiver doing an activity that is repetitious. A common activity is working on sequential processing in which a child listens to or sees a sequence of items, then says or demonstrates in some way what they saw or heard. The feedback we observe varies from negative, to nothing, to fair/poor, to good, up to spectacular. We can fairly accurately predict the child’s rate of progress, or lack of, based on the feedback they are receiving. Let’s look at examples of each:

Negative Feedback

Essentially here we are seeing correct responses ignored and errors acknowledged. If the only attention the child receives, even if negative, comes when they make an error, you are actually increasing the odds of getting incorrect responses.

No Feedback

This is perhaps the most frustrating interaction to observe. Regardless of whether the response was correct or incorrect, the response is to simply give the child another sequence. If they don’t know if their answer is correct or incorrect, that is essentially communicating that it doesn’t matter one way or the other. So who cares and why try? The message is, “Let’s just get this over with.”

Fair/Poor Feedback

In these instances the child receives a relatively neutral response, such as “good” to every response whether it was correct or not. Or the child receives a low intensity “right” or “wrong” or “yes” or “no” response, or the equivalent. The reality of these responses is that the negative “wrong” or “no” has a greater impact on the child than do the affirmative responses. This makes the entire experience negative. These responses have low intensity and essentially communicate that it’s not really a big deal if you get this right or wrong, so why put yourself out. It also says, “This really isn’t fun, and I stink at it.”

Good Feedback

In giving good feedback, there is strong acknowledgement of correct answers: “Super!” “Great—you got it!” “Wow- you got another one!” And in response to incorrect answers, there is encouragement: “Almost, you’re going to get the next one,” “Oh, close—come on, let’s get the next one!” With good feedback the child should be feeling good, the emphasis is on their success, there should be smiles from both the caregiver and the child, and the child should be motivated to try hard and welcome the next session.

Excellent Feedback

Excellent feedback requires attention and preparation. The caregiver needs to observe the child and determine if it’s a good time to do the activity. Is the child wide awake? In a reasonably good mood? Are you making sure you’re not pulling them away from something fun? Part of the preparation is also getting yourself pumped so that you can start the activity with energy and the intention that you are going to be successful. And in some cases, part of the preparation is setting up some kind of reward system. The excellent feedback doesn’t need to sound significantly different than the “good feedback,” but the energy level is higher, the intention acknowledged before the activity is even started, and if needed some kind of reward system beyond the social/verbal acknowledgement is employed. What this additional reward system is would be very child specific. For young, lower processing children, that reward would need to be immediate and could range from a little food reward, to physically picking the child up and dancing around the room, to them engaging in one of their very favorite activities. For older, higher processing children, some form of a positive token economy system is often effective and appropriate. If you value the results you are trying to achieve, then give value to the results.

Whenever possible you want to teach your child to love whatever it is that you want them to do and do well. Simply put, if they love it they are going to do the activity with a lot of positive intention and intensity and do well. You really have the power to do this with virtually anything. One of the things I hate to hear from parents and caregivers is that Johnny is bored with the reading, math, processing activity, or whatever. In any activity that you are engaged in with the child, you are the one in control of how much fun it is, how much positive intensity there is, and ultimately how much the child loves the activity and thus their success.

Reprinted by permission of The NACD Foundation, Volume 33 No. 1, 2020 ©NACD

The post Feedback and Its Impact on Behavior, Learning, Development, and More – Part 1 appeared first on NACD International | The National Association for Child Development.

by Bob Doman

I’m good at reading!

I love to read!

I stink at reading—I hate it!

I’m great at soccer!

I really like playing soccer; let’s play some more!

I’m lousy at soccer—I hate it, I quit!

Simple statement: You like what you think you’re good at. The ramifications of this simple truth are tremendous.

If you feel you are doing well at something, you are motivated to do it more. You approach each new event with a positive attitude. You approach each new event with intensity, and you want to keep doing it, and you want to do it again. The key to triggering neuroplasticity is providing specific targeted input with the necessary frequency, intensity, and duration. Learning is changing the brain—physically changing the brain by growing connections and building networks. The process is what it is—the components are written in our DNA; we can’t escape it. We need to understand it and use it to the child’s advantage.

For fifty years I have been preaching that the first thing, the first goal when trying to teach a child anything is to first teach them to love it. Whether we are hoping to teach a child to crawl, walk, run, read, do math, or do chores, we need to teach them to love it or at the very least, like it.

“You can’t teach a child to love cleaning a toilet!” I beg to differ. If you know your child, you should be able to use that knowledge to create a fun, motivating environment around teaching them how to do it; and once learned, give them a lot of real and positive feedback. You can teach them to love cleaning a toilet.

One of the first things I often have to encourage parents and caregivers to do before starting to teach a child anything is to remember school. Odds are fairly good that if you replicate a lot, if not most, of what you remember school being like, you’re doing it wrong. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Learning can be and should be fun.

Back at the beginning of my career, I was a special education teacher. I worked hard to teach the eighteen children in my class, who all had serious learning challenges and labels like Down syndrome, cerebral palsy, and autism, to love reading and math. Randomly throughout the day I would have class question sessions and would throw out questions to a few of the kids in each session. I knew the kids and knew what they knew, so I would call out a child’s name and ask them a question that I felt confident that they could answer correctly; and when they did, I would wing a poker chip at them that they would have to scramble for. The token bought them time at the reward table at the back of the room. I taught the group to cheer at every correct answer, and the lucky child would grab his poker chip and go back to the reward table, where there were math papers with their names on them and books with their names as well. The kids loved doing math and reading and loved earning the reward of doing more math and reading. The tone, the environment, and the feedback can make most anything fun and positive. If the child likes whatever is to be taught and feels they do it well, they are going to approach the session with intensity and are going to want to do it frequently and to continue to do it (duration).

Another thing I did as a teacher was to mark only what was right/correct on a paper. I could give a child ten math problems, and if they only got one right, that gave me the opportunity to say things like, “Wow, you got that tough one right,” “See? You’re getting it—you got that one!” “Great, I bet next time you’re going to get more of them.” Why do schools always mark what’s wrong not what’s right? Typically if a child is given ten problems or questions, and if they got nine correct and one wrong, there is a big red mark on the one they got wrong. This essentially communicates to the child that you don’t care what they know, the emphasis is on what they don’t know.

We aren’t going to change what is happening in school very soon. I’ve spent fifty years trying to do it, with minimal success. But we can change how we do things at home.

I have spoken to groups of parents who have opted to keep their children home rather then send them to school, and I have actually encouraged them to refer to what they are doing as “home education,” not “home school,” because so many homeschoolers work very hard to replicate just what they do at school. We can do so much better.

You have the power to create fun, positive environments around teaching most everything. And you have the power to control the feedback and to make it positive. If your children approach what you are doing with positive intention and intensity, you are going to see them progress well, and you and they are going to enjoy doing it.

Reprinted by permission of The NACD Foundation, Volume 33 No. 2, 2020 ©NACD

The post Feedback and Its Impact on Behavior, Learning, Development, and More – Part 2 appeared first on NACD International | The National Association for Child Development.

For many of you school has started and you have discovered that there are not enough minutes let alone hours in the day.

As you try to fit more and more into your day there are two primary things you need to do to maximize your time and produce successful outcomes. You need to prioritize and schedule.

Look at everything you need to do, should do and want to do and prioritize those things. Then look at how much time each takes and determine if each of those things warrant the time dedicated to them. As an example, we have families driving for 30 minutes to an hour each way for some form of “therapy” or “treatment” or “lesson” or “whatever” that when viewed in perspective absolutely doesn’t warrant the time investment. On the other side of the coin, evaluate how important something like processing is to your child and realize how many of those one or two minute high-priority sessions are missed because of these other time investments. Look at the time required and prioritize.

Once you have established your priorities, sit down and put together your daily schedule. Prioritize and enter the things at the top of your list first, then work your way down. If you can’t fit in the lower priority items, it probably is not a great loss.

Reprinted by permission NACD Newsletter, September 2019 ©NACD

The post Where Did the Time Go? appeared first on NACD International | The National Association for Child Development.

I know a boy. He is a very smart, fun, engaging boy. From the outside you would think this kid has lots of friends, is very social, the class clown, etc. But at home just calling a friend to go do something is a very big feat. The act of calling a friend, or even texting them, to go do something creates stress. He is so afraid of being turned down that he would just rather avoid the task, even if that means not going to a movie or going to do something fun with a friend. I noticed this about three years ago when I knew in my heart he wanted to go sledding with someone, not just his baby sister. However, he literally cried hysterically about having to call his friend. I persisted (debating in my head whether or not this was right—knowing that “Mother of the Year” was not an award I was going to win). He finally called his friend, who said yes, and they went sledding together and had a blast. He had a smile from ear to ear. Did the act of calling the friend create a lot of anxiety? Yes! But as his mother, pushing him out of his comfort zone was needed in order for him to understand that he had friends who actually wanted to be with him. Can you relate? Is it easier to just let our kids avoid things that in their eyes are hard to do, whether it be doing a chore, doing a reading assignment, or even learning how to brush their own teeth? Yes. Is it easier to let our kids avoid doing school work or avoid going to dance class or avoid going to Scouts because it is out of their comfort zone, or even worse– having to deal with an absolute tantrum or fight so we let them win? Absolutely. But when does letting avoidance patterns work become too harmful for them? Are we teaching them anything here? If avoidance behavior is a hallmark for anxiety, how can we as parents assist our children in addressing stressful situations so that they can persevere through life’s challenges?

What Is Avoidance Behavior?

Avoidance behavior is when a child sidesteps a person, place, task, or situation that makes them feel anxious or uncomfortable. In the moment it brings relief, so the brain learns to repeat it. Over time that relief becomes a habit, and the list of things a child avoids tends to grow rather than shrink. Recognizing avoidance early gives parents the best chance to help a child face challenges in a calm, successful way.

Common Signs of Avoidance Behavior in Children

Avoidance can look different from one child to the next. Some common signs include:

• Refusing or stalling on tasks that feel hard, such as homework, chores, or getting dressed
• Big emotional reactions (tears, tantrums, or shutting down) when asked to try something new
• Making excuses to skip social situations like calling a friend, going to class, or joining an activity
• Complaints of stomachaches or headaches before a feared event
• Sticking only to activities that feel safe and familiar

Spotting these patterns is the first step toward helping your child move through them.

According to Dr. Alice Boyes, Ph.D. (2013), avoidance coping (behavior) is the most important factor in anxiety and causes it to snowball. She believes that people avoid situations that may cause some of the feelings you get when you are stressed; however, if you keep avoiding those situations, this can lead to more debilitating anxiety levels. It is important to understand that all people experience stress. It is not uncommon for the human brain to engage in the process of fight or flight when it is introduced to something stressful. “While avoidance behaviors might give kids some immediate symptom relief, they don’t help them learn to cope with their triggers. In fact, the fears actually have a tendency to snowball when kids engage in avoidance behaviors” (Hurley, 2016).

It is also very important to understand that each child and brain is unique and what stresses one kid out may not the next. NACD has experienced that how we react to our children and how we provide them with the right instruction in the correct manner, along with building the neurodevelopmental pieces, allows our children to handle stress much more easily. In an upcoming article, I will discuss the significance working memory plays in handling stress and anxiety. But for now, I would suggest to parents that you try to sit back and look at your children and evaluate their behavior patterns. Do they avoid? Do they freak out when they need to do something that is within their ability to do? How do you react? If it is something that may be difficult in their eyes, we encourage parents to break down the task into smaller parts or have them do a particular task for a set amount of time that allows them to be successful, then gradually increase the duration. When you are wanting to teach something to your child, it is important that you have a calm, confident, and positive demeanor. When teaching your anxious child to ride their bike, for example, letting them know that they can do it and that you are with them and that you know that this is something that they can do is significant. How you talk to them, your demeanor, matters. Setting a timer then stopping and doing it again with frequency (not once a week but several times a day) can help decrease their anxiety and build up their confidence to do the skill. With some children, video modeling of a certain scenario can be effective. For example, if going to the dentist causes your child a lot of anxiety, making a video of going to the dentist so that the child can get a positive image in their minds of that experience can help decrease that fear. This is a common example of exposure therapy that has been used to address anxiety for many years. Avoidance behavior patterns can start at a very early age. If they aren’t addressed early, the behavior patterns can become stronger and generalize into all areas of a child’s life—to a point where they shut down completely. That is why it is important to be mindful of them and help your child face their fears in a successful way.

Is your child confident? In our experience, one reason kids can struggle with avoidance behavior, which can lead to anxiety, is that they are too afraid to fail—and parents don’t let them. Failure is a part of growing up. It is a part of learning. When I was younger, I remember ruining a bunch of whites in a load of laundry because I had a red sock in the mix. I didn’t pay attention when sorting and that was the consequence. I failed with that particular load of laundry. Did the sky cave in? No. Did my mom ground me for a month? No. Did I learn a valuable lesson in how do to the laundry? Yes. My mom didn’t take over that job. She just said to pay better attention, and I had to go without those white shirts that I ruined. In order to help our children become confident, developing independence with daily living skills, including self-help and chores, is very important. A very common scenario—a kid attempts to pour their juice, it spills, and the parent cleans it up and doesn’t let them do it again because it makes a mess. Another kid isn’t allowed to load the dishwasher for fear that he may break something. Parents, caregivers, teachers of young ones, do not be a roadblock for your child’s independence. Independence brings so much to their global mental health and function. Develop it, build it, help them realize that failure happens and that it is ok. These things, no matter what age or developmental issues your child may have, are huge for addressing or preventing avoidance behavior and anxiety later on.

Bob Doman (2013), founder and director of NACD, wrote a blog post several years ago about Herculean tasks:

“One of the great opportunities our children can have and lessons they can learn is to be presented with and accomplish Herculean tasks. Herculean tasks help your children learn what they can do if they really try. They teach them to look at a task that they think is impossible and to learn that they can really do it. As parents you should be on the alert for tasks that appear to be Herculean. The ideal Herculean tasks are those that look huge and to the child seem impossible, but which are doable, although they may take a whole lot of time and effort. The child who is used to 5-minute chores might perceive shoveling a driveway covered in a foot of snow, a yard covered in leaves to rake, an entire vegetable garden to weed, a stack of logs to move, or washing all the windows in the house all as Herculean/impossible tasks. But they are not impossible; they are possible if they try. Completion of Herculean tasks provides children with an opportunity to redefine themselves, to change their perception of what is possible, and to learn that if they try, they can in fact do it. The child who learns they can do Herculean tasks will continue raising the bar on their perception of what they can do and will learn to attack new tasks with the intention of succeeding–not just trying, not just making an effort, not just going through the motions, but having the intention of accomplishing the task. The child who learns they can do Herculean tasks won’t shut down when presented with the task of writing a twenty-page report, reading a 500-page book, learning all of the bones in the body, or pushing to take another tenth of a second off their 100-yard dash.”

A Neurodevelopmental Look at Anxiety and Avoidance

At NACD we look at the whole child. Avoidance behavior rarely stands alone. It often connects to how a child processes information, holds instructions in working memory, or manages sensory input. When we strengthen those underlying pieces, facing a hard task becomes less overwhelming, and avoidance has less room to take hold. This is why two children with the same fear may need very different support. Families navigating ADD/ADHD, the autism spectrum, or everyday anxiety all benefit from a plan built around their own child.

If you would like individualized help, join our free Get Started program and NACD will help you build a plan tailored to your child.

In conclusion, NACD understands that being a parent takes hard work. Being a parent of a child who is anxious requires patience and positive persistence and understanding! It is important to understand what avoidance behavior is and how to address it with your own unique child. We also understand that there are many contributors to a child’s avoidance behavior and to varying degrees. NACD believes in looking at “whole” kids. The more individualized we can be with understanding a child’s behavior patterns, the more confident parents can feel in how to help their child. Helping our children become more independent can also increase their self-esteem, helping them to become more confident individuals. In my next article, I will discuss another significant piece to understanding anxiety—working memory. Stay tuned!

References

• Boyes, A., Ph.D. (2013, March 5). Why Avoidance Coping is the Most Important Factor in Anxiety. Retrieved April 5, 2019, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/in-practice/201303/why-avoidance-coping-is-the-most-important-factor-in-anxiety
• Doman, R. J. (2013, February 01). Waiting for Hercules. Retrieved April 8, 2019, from https://blog.nacd.org/2013/01/waiting-for-hercules/
• Hurley, K., LCSW. (2016, February 3). How to Help Your Anxious Kid Avoid Avoidance Behaviors. Retrieved April 5, 2019, from http://practicalkatie.com/2016/02/03/how-to-help-your-anxious-kid-avoid-avoidance-behaviors/

Frequently Asked Questions

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Back in the ‘80s I traveled around the country, lecturing to parents and professionals. On many of these occasions I spoke to them about the importance of understanding and utilizing neuroplasticity, which with rare exception none of them had ever heard of. I also spoke about how the model of providing therapeutic intervention on a weekly or biweekly basis was contrary to what was needed to really utilize neuroplasticity. I also emphasized the importance of working with the whole child, understanding the whole child, and coordinating efforts based on the whole child.

 When I refer to the whole child I mean exactly that, not just “important” or “broken” pieces, not just what is obviously relevant to gross motor (physical therapy), fine motor (occupational therapy), speech (speech therapy), behavior (psychology), reading or math (education), or those pieces that are the specialty of everyone else from the neurologist to the ENT to the dentist.

Working with the whole child requires working closely with the parents, the people who know their whole child best, and gathering the information about the entire child. This includes their developmental and medical history, health, diet, sleep, self-help skills, sense of responsibility, chores, daycare, academic function and interests, schools, baby sitters or caregivers. Also important are the specifics regarding therapies and therapeutic approaches; interests, from playing with cause and effect toys to video games; activities, from church groups to horseback riding; sports, behavior at home and away, and their daily schedule. And then there are the specifics relative to how they see, hear, feel, and how they perceive what they should taste and smell; gross and fine motor function; how they swallow, drink, chew, articulate, and communicate, as well as all aspects of cognition which provides a global overview of where they are and should be functioning. Every piece is significant to the whole; and combined, the sum is greater than the collection of pieces. This defines what is referred to as the “gestalt.” If children are not viewed as whole and unique, they tend to be viewed as disassociated pieces and labels, not as unique individuals. This is only one of many significant pieces that underscore the importance of understanding the whole child.

The more issues a child has, typically the more pieces the child is broken up into, and the more people are involved in addressing those pieces individually, mostly in isolation.

Back very early in my career in the mid ‘70s, I was the Educational Director for the Center for Neurological Rehabilitation outside of Philadelphia. In many respects I was doing what our staff and I are still doing today, except with a much smaller toolbox, which is designing comprehensive targeted home-based programs for a wide range of children. Back then part of our team included neurologists and neurosurgeons, headed by the brilliant pediatric neurosurgeon Eugene Spitz M.D., who amongst other things was the developer of the shunt for hydrocephalic children. The structure back then was that the evaluators would each meet with our respective families and their child and conduct the evaluation so that we could create a profile/picture of the child. The profile was the foundation for creating their individualized program. The majority of the children would then go through a battery of tests that had been ordered by Dr. Spitz and his team, which were all carried out onsite and included everything from comprehensive blood work to CAT scans, EEGs, and cerebral blood flow studies. Following the testing Dr. Spitz would then meet with me and discuss the results of my evaluation and the testing that had been done. He would then call in the family so that he could make his recommendations, following which I would create their neurodevelopmental/educational program. This process was incredibly educational for me and for Dr. Spitz as well.

Being in a position not only to re-evaluate the children every 3-4 months as we did, but also to compare what I was seeing functionally to what Dr. Spitz saw with his testing, was invaluable. The tests and the EEGs were no longer these isolated pieces of data; they were part of a complete picture. One example of many of what turned out to be learning experiences for both Dr. Spitz and me was the observation I made that when kids were having dental issues, their EEGs were worse, often substantially worse, and that those kids who were prone to seizures often had more seizures. After observing this a few times, I very tentatively mentioned to Dr. Spitz that I was seeing this correlation. He listened to me, and he acknowledged that not only did it make sense, but he realized if it had not been for my knowledge of the broader issues, he would not have thought to ask the family about such issues. This piece of information affected how he adjusted medications and opened the door to our making other associations between health related issues-triggers and what he saw on EEGs and how the children were or were not medicated.

There are many examples of how a view of the whole child can have an impact on medical treatment. One of the more glaring issues that I have written about before is the effect of chronic middle ear fluid and its impact on the development of auditory processing and language. Another piece of this is that some speech therapists will make the recommendation to teach a child to sign, rather than working at getting the child to speak, not understanding the effect and ramifications of the child’s middle ear fluid, and not understanding that the child’s auditory and visual processing (short-term and working memory) determines their global level of function, not their chronological age

Well-meaning teachers generally perceive children with developmental issues as their chronological age, rather than where they are really functioning as reflected in processing ability and global neurological maturity. A six-year-old who is neurodevelopmentally three should not be expected to do the same work as their neuro-typical peers. If the educational input is not targeted to the developmental and educational level of the child, it is going to be ineffective at best. Inclusion is great, I fought for it for many decades; but if the instruction is not targeted to the individual, it really is only pretend education.

The group of people with their fingers in the pie that exists for most special needs children is presented as a team; but that is very rarely, if ever, true. A team implies a group working together in a coordinated fashion. Most therapists work in relative isolation from every other therapist who is working with the child. Each therapist establishes their own priorities, even though when viewed from the perspective of the whole child many of their “priorities” would not reach the level of even being significant. Some would define this as fine; however when viewing the total child, it is important that priorities be the whole child’s hierarchical priorities so that time, focus, and energy can be directed when and where it is needed most. There are only so many hours in the day, and we can only ask so much of a child in a day if we are going to maintain any respectable level of intensity. For a child with a developmental problem, we are always fighting time. They can ill afford to be directing minutes, if not hours, working ineffectively in the wrong direction.

Historically the educational, therapeutic, and medical treatment of children with developmental issues has become more and more compartmentalized. The net result is that vital information is often not shared between players, and the various people involved remain ignorant of significant correlative information. Furthermore, it is impossible to target, prioritize, and coordinate efforts and to raise and meet higher expectations without the direct involvement of parents and coordinated efforts focused around the whole, intact, total, and complete child.

Effectively and efficiently helping any child reach their potential requires targeted coordinated intervention that is not only mindful of the whole child, but that is led by an understanding of the gestalt. The child is more than just the sum of their pieces.

Reprinted by permission of The NACD Foundation, Volume 32 No. 3, 2019 ©NACD

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What is the purpose of your program? Many of you approach your program as if the goal were to check off a lot of boxes. That’s not the goal. The goal is to produce change. It’s easy to lose track of where we are going and to get lost in the process. As you are looking at your one thing, think about goals. Think about those important things that we are trying to change or develop and focus and work with intention.

Intention is working with a targeted mental focus for the purpose of producing a specific future change.

One of the most glaring things I see when reviewing program videos are folks obviously working without intention, which results in very slow progress. I wouldn’t want to count all the processing videos I have watched that made me want to scream. As most of you know, developing processing skills is rather foundational and really important. You should also know that even an incremental change in processing results in wonderful things, like better understanding, increased language, increase in global maturity, improved behavior, and better cognition-global change! Understanding this importance, many families justly prioritize their processing activities; but what I often see are parents doing the activities without a lot of intensity, which means they are doing it without intention. I often have to pay very close attention to the videos to determine if the child is getting the sequences right or wrong because watching the feedback from the parent or helper, there wasn’t much difference in the response, whether the sequence was done correctly or not. Without quality feedback and reinforcement your child isn’t even going to know what the goal is and certainly is not going to be working with intention.

To digress a tad, on my last trip to our Cincinnati evaluation site, where I work out of a hotel that sits on the Kentucky side of the Ohio River, just across from the city of Cincinnati, I renewed my perspective on intention and intensity. Often on these trips I take a little walk along the river after I have my dinner and before I go back to my room to address more emails. Looking across the river I can see both the Cincinnati football and baseball stadiums. The Ohio River is a big river, and although the stadiums sit close to the river’s edge, they are still quite a way away. During the baseball season the Cincinnati Reds play, and during the football season the Cincinnati Bengals play. If I happen to be out in the evening and a game is being played, there is absolutely no question if someone gets a hit or a homerun or a team scores a touchdown. On this last trip, I was walking and looking out at the stadium when a touchdown was scored by the Bengals. The roar of the crowd from where I was across the river was almost deafening, and then the sky lit up with fireworks. The intention is to win the game, and it is understood that to win the game you need to get hits or advance the ball on the football field. The fans react with intensity to each of these events. There is no question of the intention of the players or the fans. It is also not surprising that teams in cities with good fans who help generate intensity and keep the players focused on the intention do well.

The goal of working on processing is to raise the processing level, preferably quickly. Watching these videos, it becomes blatantly obvious that more often than not the intention is to complete the activity and check off the box. I’m sure as the parent pushes themselves and their child through the activity, they think that they just need to do this another few hundred or thousand times and their child will move forward and ultimately, they probably will. But if we address not only processing activities, but also everything we do with our kids with intention, we can meet our goals faster, and generally much, much faster.

As an example of how we can create intention, I will at times do processing activities with criteria. What this means is that rather than doing a processing activity for a specific duration, such as a minute or two, we do the activity with a target. For example, if we are just starting to get auditory digit spans of five, working with criteria we will let the child know that the goal of the session is to get a five. As soon as they get a five, we have a party and the session ends. Their intention is no longer just to cooperate, to try or pretend that they are trying; it is to get a five! And our intention is no longer to check off a box, it is to get a five. It can be amazing to see how much faster we can move forward when the intention is clearly defined, and the child is receiving good feedback.

One of keys to focus and intention is data and attention to detail. If you are working on teaching your child to identify pictures, read words, recognize numbers, or complete a math process, you can only work with intention if you know where you are and where you are going. For example, if you are trying to develop your child’s sight word vocabulary you need to know what they know. Perhaps you have shown them 50 new words over a month or so. How many do they know? If I were flashing them the words, I would periodically stop on a word and ask them what it was or start a review session by testing a few words. I would mentally keep track of how many of the words they know, about what percentage they know, and even what types of words. Armed with some data we can do a number of things. If you provide your coach and evaluator with the data, they can make recommendations to do everything from change frequencies and durations, to how many new words are being introduced, to what kinds of words to introduce, or even to putting it away for a while. If the data is simply that we have checked off x number of boxes over these weeks, that doesn’t really help us reach our goal. The intention of every session should be to succeed, to teach your child to read more words; and to do that within each session, you need to be gathering data and work with intention.

Intention is every bit as important for every other aspect of program, whether we are teaching a child to walk properly, to track better, or to love looking at pictures. With absolutely every activity we do, we need to be mindful of what we are trying to achieve; and we need to be observant and constantly adjusting, modifying, and gathering data. Our intention is to produce new function, new abilities and to change your child’s life one piece, one step at a time.

I find intention to be a fascinating neurological phenomenon. You can consciously start doing something with intention, but then your brain appears to learn to apply it without conscious effort. As an example, through the years I have had children read short non-fiction articles as part of their program, primarily to improve reading comprehension. Generally, it would appear to the parent who was working with the child during the day that the child was engaged, and since we were working to develop reading comprehension, that they were actually reading to learn. I would on occasion have the parents do an experiment. The experiment was quite simple: at dinner after everyone had sat at the table, but before anyone was allowed to start eating, I would have the child’s father ask them what the story they had read earlier was about. Many parents were shocked when they discovered that their child couldn’t even remember the subject, let alone any of the content. A common answer from children to the question, “What did you learn at school today?” is “Nothing.” If the family repeated this for a few days, the child would start remembering more and more about the story; and if the parents randomly asked the dinner question, the child would usually maintain their new intention, which was not just to read the story, listen to the story, and answer specific questions immediately after reading the story, but to learn and try to retain the information. After the first couple of days I’m sure the child, when they sat down to do their story, was not consciously thinking, “I need to remember this because Dad is going to ask me about it at dinner.” The child’s brain had changed and was applying greater intensity to recalling the information on an ongoing basis. Your brain adapts and changes and even generalizes intention. Very cool!

One Final Note on Intention

Parents generally work with a child with better intention than anyone who is paid. As a parent there are a lot of things you could do with your day rather than work with your child. You don’t do it because you’re getting paid; and actually, many of you could be out doing things for pay if you weren’t home working with your child. You do what you do because your intention is to help your child. Even for you it can be tough keeping your focus and working each activity with the needed intention.

If you are having people help with program implementation or even sending your child to school or therapy, the issue of intention becomes significantly greater. If working with a child or children is a job, often the job is defined as implementing specific methods as best you can. Not a bad objective, but it’s not the right objective. The intention should be to produce results—good results and fast results. One of the frustrations I face every day of my life is educators, therapists, and even physicians applying the same methodologies day after day and week after week and year after year, in spite of that fact that they haven’t worked or haven’t worked well or worked fast enough. It is easy for people to get stuck in the rut of “this is what we do and how we do it and so be it,” regardless of the results or lack of.

Sorry for the little digression—back to program helpers. It is more difficult for people getting paid to help with program to achieve and maintain the proper intention than it is even for parents. As parents and bosses and supervisors, part of your job is to train your helpers well, clearly define the intention, quiz them on the data, and tie their efforts to achievement of the intended results, not checking off boxes. You might find it interesting to note that historically volunteers do a better job maintaining intention than people who are paid, and often the more people are paid, the poorer job they do of program implementation and working with intention. Obviously there are exceptions, but if you are not getting paid or if the pay is minimal, it is more likely that the primary goal it to help the child.

On occasions where we have had siblings help with program, we encourage good intention not by paying the kids or even rewarding them for their time, but for results. It has been fun watching how fast things can change if we do something like, “When Johnny can do two 5s in row, we are all going to go out for dinner and to a movie.” Everyone’s intention is tied to their successfully hitting the target.

Fifty years ago, when I started doing this work, I heard comments such as, “You must be a very patient person,” or, “You need a lot of patience to work with handicapped children.”

I’m not a patient person. To the contrary, I’m quite impatient, which is why I am constantly creating and looking for better ways to do everything. My intention is, and your intention needs to be, to be impatient, to work with intention, and to make it right, make it better, and to improve your child’s life. With our joint focus and intention and, yes, some impatience, we can do it.

Reprinted by permission of The NACD Foundation, Volume 32 No. 1, 2019 ©NACD

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In an effort to help our NACD families and others maximize their efforts and make the most out of the time they have to work with their children, it is incredibly important to keep reminding everyone about the significance of intensity.

The foundation of what we do at NACD is designing very targeted individualized programs that are created to help provide the maximum results, relative to the time invested. The significance of being targeted is that we stimulate and change the brain when we apply specific, organized, targeted input with the necessary frequency, intensity, and duration. Random input is just noise to the brain; disorganized input is irrelevant to the brain; and any input that is not received by the brain with intensity never happened.

We understand that intensity, the most important of the Super 3 (frequency, intensity, and duration), is not entirely a reflection of how loud or strong or exciting we are when working with our kids. The big factor is what the intensity is with which they are processing the input. Have you ever seen someone fall asleep at a party or in a movie theater or sporting event? These are all intense environments; but if that person is asleep, it has zero intensity for their brains—it didn’t happen. I recall the question I heard way back when in school—“if a tree falls in the forest and there is no one there to hear it, did it make a sound?” It’s not about you, it’s about them. Back to the folks at the party-how about if they are not asleep, but just dozing? Or, they just had a fight with their significant other and are running through the last argument in their mind one more time, or have a song stuck in their head that keeps going around and around. How much did all that “intensity” that is going on impact them? Probably not much. Ultimately intensity is based on how the individual is receiving/processing the input.

I have always related intensity and impact on a scale of 1-10. If something goes into a brain with the intensity of 9 or 10, learning is virtually instantaneous. Drop it down to 7-8 and we need a fair amount of frequency and duration to change the brain. If the intensity is only a 6, we need a lot of frequency and duration—many times per day and lots of days, weeks, or months. At a 5 we are in for a very long haul. And below a 5, we are better off taking a nap.

Let’s look at some of the things that affect intensity, starting with physiological issues. Diet is one of the things we talk about with all parents. I won’t get into the specifics of diet in this article but suffice it to say that if you feed your kids pancakes with syrup for breakfast, just send them back to bed and forget about school. Sleep is another foundational issue, and doing what is needed for both you and your child to get enough sleep is very important. So before we go any further, let’s see where we are. If what you are trying to put into your child’s brain is super exciting to them and they love it, they ate some good protein, had a great night’s sleep, and feel wonderful, you might get them to an 8. Trying to input something they might like but don’t love, drop to a 7; not a wonderful breakfast, drop to a 6; and then you were up with them for half of the night, we just dropped to a 5, and perhaps you are both getting ready for a nap.

Just yesterday I had a talk with a very nice family, great, concerned parents who have a teenage son on the autism spectrum. He has had a few small seizures that did not appear to have any residual effect and is on two different anti-convulsive medications. His doctors have also put him on two additional drugs that are used for schizophrenia and irritability. When I look at this boy, he looks like he is about to fall over with his eyes open. He’s at a 2-3 for intensity, and if you work hard, you can push him briefly to a 4, and on rare occasion to a 5. Under the circumstances we hope to maintain what function he has until these medications that all slow his brain down can be altered or eliminated.

Drugs that are used for seizure control and behavior and attention control are slowing down the brain. As a side note, the neurologists and neurosurgeons that I worked with almost 50 years ago were aware that the vast majority of seizures actually caused no harm, and my clinical observations over all of these years verify it; but we still have neurologists who see their mission as stopping all seizures, regardless of the fact that they are medicating the child to the point where there can be virtually no development. I’ve been happy to hear that after 50 years, there are a few neurologists acknowledging that not all seizures spell the end of the world and are being much more conservative with the medications. And fortunately there are new very promising alternatives to the drugs.

Diet, sleep, health, exercise, or the lack of, and medications all have an effect on the brain, your child’s ability to process information, and thus to be stimulated and develop.

I have a confession to make. I do not get regular organized exercise. I played sports, and I played them hard. I have almost always lived where I had a good size piece of land and always loved working outside and work hard. I enjoy walks and hikes, but a daily exercise routine—never. It’s a good thing your child has parents and helpers to help structure their days, establish priorities for them, and to motivate them and make things fun. Perhaps if I had some great fun personal trainer who came and got me at a specific time each day and praised my success, I might exercise. I probably would also need to add a 25^th hour to every day. As adults we are responsible for ourselves. We can choose to eat well, exercise, whatever; however we are also responsible for our children, and it is our responsibility to see that our children eat well, get their sleep, and do all the other things needed to help them develop well. Even the smartest child isn’t wise. We need to make the choices for them and keep them heading in the right direction. Side note: How many of you give your pets more nutritious diets than your kids?

The younger the children, the easier it is to make things fun and increase the intensity. I constantly hear that little Johnny is bored with this or that or he doesn’t like it. The reality is that it’s not about the activity, it’s about the environment of the activity and how it is presented. Remember Tom Sawyer and how he got the kids to paint the fence for him? Create the right atmosphere, and you can get your kids to have a ball cleaning toilets. If something doesn’t hurt, you can create an atmosphere that makes whatever you are doing fun, and if something hurts, stop doing it because something is wrong. If you can’t get your intensity or their intensity above a 5, what should you do? You should go take a nap and come back to it later with good intensity.

One of the most common issues I see when watching program implementation is a lack of intensity when a child gets something right or does something well. I can observe someone working on processing, and the difference in the response when the child gets something right or wrong is almost indistinguishable. Often when reviewing program implementation videos, we have to pay close attention to see if a child got something correct or not because we can’t tell the difference from watching the reaction of the parent or caregiver.

Children of most any age will respond to your positive attitude and words of praise. If older children need something more to get their intensity up to adequate numbers, then explore some form of a positive token economy, where achievement as a reflection of their trying and doing something with sufficient intensity to impact their brains can purchase special privileges and such. But always let your child know that you are proud of them for their efforts and achievements. Don’t reward compliance that does not equate with intensity. Reward achievement even if you have to initially make it a bit easier for them so that they can experience success.

One of the most common killers of intensity is duration. Many of the activities we give children have a duration of only a minute or two, and the duration we give is a maximum. Maximum, not minimum. More often than not, more turns a positive into a negative. We encourage parents to, if at all possible, end an activity on a high note. Parents tend to continue an activity until the child has had it, and it turns negative. The result of that is the next time you go to do that activity the child recalls it as a negative, not a positive. Imagine giving your child the forbidden fruit—ice cream. You give them just a spoon or two and they love it and you stop. They want more. Now imagine that you gave your child a couple more of spoons of ice cream—still loving it—and then you gave them a small bowl. They’re still loving it, but not quite so much. Then make them eat a large bowl, having to force them to eat it over the course of an hour; and to really make it fun, make them eat more and more until they throw up. That would sure teach them to love ice cream. When should you have stopped? We have the ability to turn most anything that can be positive and fun into a negative. Remember: it’s all about intensity.

The big secret to success is intensity—the intensity with which your child takes in the input you are providing.

Intensity is not only foundational, it is mandatory: Get it?

 

Anything that adversely affects your child physiologically has a negative impact on intensity: Get it?

 

Any mediation that affects your child’s brain is likely to have a negative impact on their intensity: Get it?

 

What you do can affect your child’s intensity, but ultimately, it’s a matter of doing what works to create intensity in them: Get it?

 

Too much of a good thing is a bad thing; stop while you are ahead: Get it?

 

If your intensity or your child’s falls below a 5 and you can’t raise it, take a nap: Get it?

 

To be successful we need to provide your child with specific targeted input with sufficient frequency, intensity, and duration: Got it?

 

Good!

Reprinted by permission of The NACD Foundation, Volume 31 No. 8, 2018 ©NACD

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