JOURNAL OF THE NATIONAL ACADEMY FOR CHILD DEVELOPMENT
1987, Volume 7, No. 2
The Home and the School: Conflict or Complement?
Robert J. Doman Jr.
Summer is over at last. The kids are
back in school and you are getting settled into the new routine.
Don't get settled too fast, because now is the time to reorganize,
get your act together and to do it right!
By the time this article reaches your
homes, you have probably already started the settling process.
The children are getting used to getting up early again. You're
discovering what a few hours of peace and quiet can mean to
your sanity and you're probably already slipping back into
some of the same old bad habits. Don't do it; take the time
now and look at where you are going, where you would like
to be going and how you can get there. Get organized, look
at all or as many factors involved as possible and put together
your game plan. If you don't know where you are going, you
will probably end up somewhere else.
Let us look at some more common problems
and conflicts that arise from the interaction of parent-child,
parent-teacher, child-teacher, parent-child- school, and home
program.
Class Placement
A decision was probably made last
spring or during the summer about what class your child would
be attending this fall. For most there was little or no decision
made, your child merely went to the next grade. For many of
you, however, making the choice of class was not achieved
as easily. Depending upon your child's particular needs and
the availability of special services within your community,
your decision and that of your school could have been difficult
or more painful than root canal work. However, when the decision
for class placement was made, that decision was based largely
upon supposition. What you, the school, or both "thought"
would be best. Now that your child has had some time in the
classroom you can look at the placement knowing how it is
rather than how you thought it would be. With your new knowledge
you may wish to make a change if you think another placement
may be better. Act now, don't spend the rest of the year wishing
you had.
If you are looking for the ideal class
placement, chances are great that you will be disappointed.
You do, however, want to find a class that meets most of the
basic criteria for an appropriate placement. The classroom
environment should be positive, affording the child the necessary
structure. Material should be presented at the level of your
child or as close as possible. The other children in the class
should be functioning at a level so as to provide your child
with good models and the child should perceive the class in
a positive way. Many parents ask me whether I think they should
put their child into a "normal" class or a "special"
class. The question is one that I can rarely answer for them
because it depends upon the particular "normal"
or "special" class and the child. Remember that
by assuming more of the responsibility at home for your child's
education the less crucial the class placement is.
Length of School Day
In general, children under six can
handle a half day of school and children six and over a full
day. By a half day and a full day I am referring to a three-
and six-hour day, respectively, with fifteen minutes travel
time to and from school. For many children the time required
to ride to and from school on a bus is excessive and greatly
adds to the length of time they are away from home. For the
child with relatively severe problems and a lengthy home program,
the parent may wish to only utilize a half-day school program.
You should not expect your child to spend six hours in school,
plus travel time and expect them to perform well at home for
a home program which takes two or more hours to accomplish.
Many families have discovered that if they take the children
to school themselves and pick them up that it greatly reduces
the child's time away from home. A rule of thumb for appraisal
of school versus home time, is that the greater your child's
problems the greater their need for individual attention,
and the greater the child's needs for individual attention
the less able the school to provide for your child's needs.
Extracurricular Activities
Organized sports, music lessons, dance
lessons, gymnastics, Karate, choir, church activities, social
organizations, scouts, etc., there are many activities that
may be vying for your child's time. All the activities mentioned
and others may be positive and productive but must be viewed
within the context of the child's needs. Time is limited.
Time used is invested so invest it wisely. Each extracurricular
activity that is worthy of the investment must be directed
toward a particular need of the child. It must also be incorporated
into the child's schedule on a priority basis. Because an
activity is fun, a friend is involved in the activity, or
because you think that it would be nice may not be sufficient
reason for the investment. As an example of what is often
a poor investment (not always) is the investment of time and
money in piano lessons. Some children really want to play
the piano. Some families are musically inclined and can regularly
provide the child with special opportunities to develop and
use musical talent and ability. However, many parents make
their children take lessons and very few of those ever develop
a skill that they can use in their lives. Look at the cost
when deciding the worth of the investment. A child who takes
piano or violin, or whatever lessons and practices for fifteen
minutes per day is making an annual investment of 5,475 minutes.
That is a very large investment. Can your child afford it?
If "yes" great, go for it. If your child has some
major or minor inefficiencies that go unattended because there
is not sufficient time, the lessons are very possibly a very
poor investment. Measure each extracurricular activity and
its value against your child's needs and the value to their
future.
Homework and Program
One of our more difficult dilemmas
that we face once school has begun, is that of homework and
program. This year, according to a national report on the
status of American education, you can expect your children
to be bringing home more work than ever before. "If the
children of our country are not learning as well as they should
be, give them more homework." There is no way to address
this issue without looking at the homework. While doing this,
please bear in mind some points we make in our tapes and seminars.
First, the educational process is one in which we provide
input to produce output. Second, with rare exception, is that
individualized education is the most efficient form of education.
Third, many ways traditionally utilized to put in information
are inefficient, slow, and negative, turning the child off
to learning rather than turning them on to it.
The other night my son asked for assistance
with his geometry homework. He had not the slightest idea
how to do the assigned problems. It has been over twenty years
since I had geometry and the assignment that he brought home
bore no resemblance to anything that I can remember. I could
have said, "Alex, it's your assignment not mine. Go back
into your room and just keep reading over the material until
you get it, even if it takes all night." If that had
been my choice he would have spent hours learning to hate
geometry. He would have been looking at something that did
not make sense to him and providing his brain with wrong information.
Instead, I sat down with him and tried with him to make sense
out of the material, if possible. We completed the assignment
together slightly improving the quality of input. The result
was that he did not spend the evening in frustration. We did
make some discoveries and found geometry somewhat interesting.
Alex learned that he should really pay attention in class.
He would even go to his geometry teacher after school and
make sure that he understood so he would not get lost this
early in the year. By the way, we got half of them right;
it's not impossible after all. I think we are getting the
hang of it and I bet that we do even better the next time.
One problem surrounding much of your
child's schoolwork is that of "instructional level"
and "frustration level." Giving a test to discover
what your child knows produces a grade level at which he or
she is functioning. This level is called his or her "frustration
level." This means that if I were to give the child material
at that level, that the child could not do the work independently
without experiencing frustration. Therefore, in order for
the child to work independently, I should give the child material
a grade level below that point so that the child can work
without frustration. This is all true, and if the child is
to be working on output and working independently the "instructional
level" is the appropriate level at which to do it. Let
us call it what it is: the "output level." Rather
than call the level at the height of the child's knowledge
the "frustration level" let us call it the "input
level."
There is obvious value in output. However,
in analyzing the investment of our child's time we need to
keep a balance between input and output with the weight leaning
to the former for the child who is behind and needs to catch
up.
Homework is used primarily to reinforce
that which is presented in school. Homework is also given
with the assumption that the parent is not going to take much,
if any, of the responsibility for the child's education. For
the parent who is actively working with their child on a home
program, the basic premise upon which homework is constructed
is erroneous. Teachers and involved parents must acknowledge
that the teacher's responsibility is situational and temporary
while the responsibility of the parent transcends that of
the teacher and is relatively permanent.
The role of the involved parent is
such that you must analyze homework in light of what you are
doing with the child yourself, provide assistance when it
is needed and requested direct study time and technique to
improve your child's efficiency and use of time (e.g., have
the children put definitions, dates, etc., on tape), and establish
good lines of communication with your child's teacher so that
your efforts can complement each other.
Communication Between Parent and Teacher
Countless times I have had parents
tell me that they thought everything was going well in school.
Then the report card came out and it was too late for them
to do anything about the problem. Communication between parent
and teacher should occur weekly and when a particular problem
exists, on a daily basis. Most teachers want your child to
do well. Most teachers welcome the involvement of parents,
and most teachers want all the help that they can get. Speak
with your child's teacher or teachers. Establish lines of
communication, be it regular notes sent back and forth, weekly
meetings or telephone calls, etc. Let the teacher know that
you are involved, and plan to be involved. If you are unable
to elicit the cooperation of the teacher, speak with the school
principal. A teacher's job is to work with the children and
the parents. A teacher who is unwilling to cooperate with
parents, or who feels threatened by a parent's involvement,
needs to change or be changed.
Structure
Do not bet your child's future on his
or her ability to structure their time well and to use their
resources to the best of their ability. Help the child by
establishing a structured routine and by following it consistently.
Establish study time, homework time, program time, and free
time. Limit the use of the television, stereo, and telephone.
When establishing a structure, be firm but reasonable. The
first thing to schedule, not the last, is free time. You cannot
expect a child to spend six hours in school, come home to
homework and program, then go to bed so that they can get
up the next morning smiling and eager to begin a new exciting
day. Time needs to exist each day in which the child can be
a child, to relax and have fun. If you create a negative environment,
do not expect a positive child.
Terrible Teens
The person who coined the phrase "Terrible
Twos" didn't have a teenager. Working with a teenager
requires a terrific sense of balance knowing when to pull
back on the reins, and when to let them have their head. If
I were to identify the three most common problems parents
have in dealing with their teenagers they would be: 1) being
negative not positive; 2) not providing them with sufficient
structure; and 3) attempting to assume their responsibility.
Do not be afraid to establish structure.
The nature of the beast is such that they resist structure,
but really welcome it. Teenagers are at a point in their lives
where hundreds, if not thousands, of options open up to them.
They are required to make many choices before being equipped
to do so. If we can provide them with a firm structure to
eliminate some of those choices we are doing them a great
favor.
Your teenager should be responsible
for their own grades. As a parent you should provide the structure,
a place for them to work and study and assistance when needed.
It is not your responsibility for the grades received: If
the grades are good, they are your grades; if they are poor,
they are your grades. Either way, your child is not being
given the opportunity to earn and own his or her own grades.
As a parent of a teenager, assume your responsibilities, not
theirs.
Create a Positive Environment
First and last, put it at the top of
your list, the bottom, and in the middle: Create a Positive
Environment. Now is the time get organized, reestablish your
commitment, and get going. Your child is worth your investment.
Reprinted from the Journal
of the National
Academy for Child Development
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